The Plan Behind The Pain

 I was reading in 2 Kings 8 the other day when I came across something I couldn't believe I had missed before. Let me set the scene:

A famine is coming, and the prophet Elisha knows it. So he warns a certain woman and her family and tells them to leave their home and find refuge from the famine in another land. That's a big ask. There had been years of famine before. They make for tough times, but eventually things bounce back and move forward. But if you give up your home and land, how are you supposed to move forward when the famine is over.

This family, however, was very familiar with Elisha and had long supported him and his work. They trusted him and they trusted the God that he spoke for. So they left to the Philistine country for seven years. 

Fast-forward seven years, they return to Israel and want to find a way to get their land back. So they go to make a request of the King. This is an uncertain and desperate attempt at best. None of the kings of Israel, since the split from Judah, have been good. Not a single one revered God as he should have, and every one led Israel to worship idols instead of the one true God. So even the best of these kings was lacking in moral fiber. Yet, the king was their only hope of receiving back their land. So the family goes to make their appeal. 

It just so happens that at this time the king is listening to stories of Elisha's miraculous exploits from one of Elisha's previous servants. As the servant waxes eloquent over Elisha's accomplishments, he tells the king of a young boy who once died and was then brought back to life by Elisha. This is where the family comes in...literally.

As the family is brought before the king, Elisha's servant tells the king that the son of the family is the very one whom Elisha had raised from the dead. This revelation seems to intrigue the king, because, after confirming the story with the family, the king decides to not only give them back their land, but to also give them the produce from the land for the seven years they were gone. This was a very generous provision for a family who only moments ago had next to nothing. 

What a great story, right? God has once again provided for his people by a strange combination of coincidences. It all seems like a very happy tale. 

But it wasn't always...

This story goes back, many years before the famine, to chapter four. This woman and her family had been generous supporters of Elisha, and so he asked how he could repay them. It was discovered that she had not been able to have children. So Elisha tells the woman that she will have a son. But her response was to tell the prophet not to get her hopes up. Clearly she desperately desired children, but had finally resigned herself to her barren state and did not dare hope for a son even at the word of a prophet of God. 

Yet God gave her a son, and all seemed good. Until one day when the young boy came to his father complaining of a headache and, later that same day, died in his mother's lap. 

Why?

Why would God do such a thing?

Why give this family the joy and hope of a child after so many years of suffering the pain of barrenness, only to take his life at such a young age? Why must this family face this suffering after all else that they had endured? It doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem fair. It doesn't seem good. Why would God do such a thing?

As the story continues, Elisha is summoned, and he brings the child back to life by the power of God. An incredible miracle, to be sure. And I can only imagine the rejoicing that would have taken place in that home. But it all still seems rather meaningless.

Why make them barren, only to give them a child anyway, only to take the child's life, only to give it back again? Is this some kind of joke? Is God playing with people's emotions for his own entertainment? Or just to show off how powerful he is?

I don't think so. 

Because even before God promised them a son, God knew that the famine was coming. Even before God took the life of the boy, God knew that Elisha's servant was going to disgrace himself before Elisha and eventually find himself in the company of the king. Even before God brought the child back to life, God knew that the king would be so fascinated by this resurrection story that it would cause him to be generous toward this family in need. 

God knew, and God had a plan. But the plan would not work without going through periods of intense, agonizing, and seemingly pointless pain and loss.

It reminds me of another story of a Son who died and rose again for the provision and salvation of thousands and millions. God knew, even before he created the world, the pain his Son would have to endure. But God also knew the life and the glory that it would bring in the end.

God is not unkind and unfeeling in the way he orchestrates our lives. He understands and sympathizes with us in our suffering. And He does not waste a single life or even a tear. But He works all things together for our good.

Even when all we can see is the pain, God has a plan.

Power to Know Love

 I've been pondering Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3. Of course it makes sense that Paul would want his beloved brothers and sisters in Christ to know the love of God. After all, Paul himself declared that everything he once considered to have value was disgustingly worthless compared to the surpassing value of knowing Christ. 

Paul's prayer is a wonderful example of what we should be praying for ourselves, our loved ones, and the world. That much is clear. But what I struggled to understand is this, "that...he may grant you to be strengthened with power...that you...may have strength to comprehend...and to know the love of Christ..." What exactly is the connection between strength & power and knowing love? The two seem to be completely unrelated. 

First of all, why would it take strength to know something? Knowledge is the realm of the intellect and experience. You don't have to be strong to know something. You might need wisdom, experience, understanding, or some other such qualities, but not usually strength. 

Secondly, why would strength be needed to know love. Even when love is strong, I wouldn't think you would need to be strong to receive it. Normally I would expect love to be strong on behalf of the recipient. I certainly wouldn't expect love to come in a form that demanded strength to receive it. 

Even as I write this, I am conscious of the notion that you might have a dozen examples of when love would require a strong reception. But while my mind seems to be on the verge of getting there, I cannot make the leap. 

Until, like that frisbee that kept growing larger, it hit me.

I was talking with a friend who was sharing some of his struggles and frustrations with his marriage (don't worry, you don't know them), and I kept thinking about his responsibility in the relationship. What is a husband's duty? To love his wife as Christ loves the Church. This is not to diminish the difficulty, pain, frustration, and challenge of the situation. Rather it is to face it as Christ did for us. Jesus didn't wait for us to realize we were wrong and come apologize before he would demonstrate his love. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). And it HURT! And he knew exactly what he was walking into.

That's when it clicked; to know the love of Christ is not just receiving it. In order to really know the love of Christ, you have to share it. "We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). "Anyone who does not love does not know God" (1 John 4:8). "If we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us" (1 John 4:12). The only problem is that real love is hard!

Let's think about this:

How much energy, self-discipline, patience, and perseverance does it take to always act in love toward an infant? Oh, sure, some of the time they are precious, cute, sweet, little angels. But that sweet cherub can quickly turn into an irrational, smelly, messy, sleep-destroying, screaming monster. Yet we will treat that baby with all the tenderness and patience we can muster because he is a baby. He doesn't know what he needs. He can't communicate clearly. He can't even really control his own body. And so, love acts with all the strength it can muster to nurture and care for this precious child.

Fast forward a few decades. The baby is grown up...physically. However, sin has him acting like an infant. His wants keep him from understanding his true needs. His self-centeredness keeps him from being able to communicate clearly. He even acts in such a way that would make it seem as though he can't control his own body; whether driven by anger, lust, greed, or laziness, he acts on impulse.

How do we respond to this grown man? We don't have the same instinctual grace and patience for an adult as we do for a baby. Yet, we are still to act in love. Even when we are met with selfishness and pain, we are neither to act out in vengeance nor our own selfish desires. That kind of love is Hard! 

That kind of love will take a great amount of strength and power. I can confidently say that I do not possess such power to demonstrate that kind of love...without God. And if we think that the love of God is just for "me," then we do not at all know the love of Christ.

People are hard to love. They are impossible to love in our own strength. But through the strengthening and power of the Holy Spirit, we can experience and know the love of God not just for ourselves, but for those around us as well. That is how we begin to truly know the love of Christ. 

James Speaks to Today

I don't care to be another voice screaming into the digital mass of humanity concerning the issues of today. However, this has been on my mind and my heart and I am going to write it out here just in case this can help me as I process, and perhaps someone else.
Over the last couple weeks I have become rather uncomfortable as I scroll through my Facebook feed. It can feel like everyone is shouting at each other while our nation is seemingly falling apart at the seams. I am a middle-child who longs for peace and reconciliation. Conflict (especially conflict that appears to have no quick resolution) is uncomfortable.
But that's all. Just uncomfortable.
You see, while it seems to me as though the world just went crazy, I have to remind myself that the world has been crazy for a long time. The difference is that the world's craziness never really inconvenienced me; it never hurt, it never worried. Oh sure, every life is filled with its own trials, challenges, worries and fears. But I will freely admit that my life has been rather easy.
Meanwhile, in the rest of the country and the world there are people who live every day in pain and suffering and fear; fear of starvation, fear of terrorism, fear of abduction, fear of all manner of abuse and torment, and fear of death. That is only the short list.
The world has already been crazy, the only difference is that now it has made me uncomfortable. Big whoop.
So what do I do now?
As I've been processing all of this, my thoughts keep turning to James.
First I had to process my own thoughts on racism and my perceptions of people who are different from me. This is where I have to give a lot of credit to my mother, because as she home schooled my siblings and I, she didn't just teach us that there were other people in other places. We actually learned about how they live and why they live that way. I learned that there are a lot of ways to live on this big blue orb, and I could learn a lot from others if I will just pay attention and listen. I learned that "different" is not a synonym for "wrong." Rather, it is an opportunity for growth. Differences are to be appreciated and valued.
Even if--after I have listened and payed attention--I do not agree with our differences, that doesn't make you any less of a person, or any less important than me. But that lesson came from a different source. It is drawn out in several places in scripture, but the one that keeps coming to mind these days is in the letter from James, the brother of Jesus.
"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be." (James 3:9-10 emphasis added)
I grew up with the idea that ALL people--Every Single Person--have been created in the image of God. God loves everyone, and He loves each person individually. How could I even think of hating a person or a group of people for being different when they--like me--are created in the image of God? I am a little crazy and took it a step further to consider that even those who are wicked and commit horrendous atrocities are still human beings created in the image of God and loved by Him, and are therefore not to be hated so much as pitied and even prayed for. (But that's another issue for another day.)
As I have tossed these ideas around, I am reminded that James had more to say on the issue of discrimination. 
"My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, 'Here’s a good seat for you,' but say to the poor man, 'You stand there' or 'Sit on the floor by my feet,' have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?" (2:1-4 emphasis added)

In this passage, James gives an example of discrimination on the grounds of wealth. However, the example is only an example. The point is that we "must not show favoritism," nor "discriminate among [ourselves]." When we do, we are not just being unkind or a little rude. We actually become "judges with evil thoughts."
This passage is not suggesting that we go about life without any discernment. You will know a tree by its fruit. However, when it comes to the externals (wealth, social class, skin color, gender) we must not play favorites and thus honor or dishonor people based on our preferences. Remember, they are each created in the image of God.
That is the lens through which I try to view people. So now what? I'm still uncomfortable, and get the idea that I need to do something about it.
I see and hear the pain of those who have been suffering in our nation. I don't deny that our country (though perhaps in better shape than many in the world) is not perfect, and is filled with corruption at every level. We are, after all, talking about a nation filled with and run by sinful people (as we all are. Oh look, another thing we all have in common). But what can I do about it?
An easy answer is that I can pray for those who are oppressed, abused, and overlooked, and I can pray for our government to seek changes that are based on the wisdom of God and in line with the will of God. However, while that is not a wrong answer to the question--and should certainly be a first and continual step--James has reminded me that there is more to the solution.
"Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, 'Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." (2:15-17)
I know that I am not the solution to the problems of the world. There is only one person who is capable of that, and I will gladly turn to Him to bring about the changes needed in our nation. But once my "amen" is spoken, I have to be willing to go about my life ready to be part of His solution. It is a great mystery, the fact that God does not need us in order to accomplish anything, but that He chooses to include us in His work to accomplish things on this earth. 
It is all well and good to pray for the well being of others, but if they have a need and I have the means and God says, "I hear your prayer, and I've given you the ability to answer this part of it," then that prayer doesn't mean much if I'm just going to sit on my self-righteous laurels waiting for God to do all the heavy lifting.
So what should I do?
Ultimately, the answer to that question is between me and God. What he wants from you will likely look different from what he wants from me. Again, "different" is not "wrong." If we each take care of our own assignment, the job is accomplished in a much better way than if I insist that everyone do what I am doing.
However, I will say that as I have prayerfully considered this question, one thing that has come to mind was written by--you guessed it--James.
"Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (1:26-27)
Again, talk is cheep...like, worthless cheep if I am just throwing around self-righteous platitudes. This entire blog post means absolutely nothing unless I turn around and act on what God has given me to do. "Look after orphans and widows in their distress..." I don't yet know what this means or looks like for me in the days to come. God knows. I'll try to follow Him.
I think the second part is also worth keeping in mind through all of this. "Keep oneself from being polluted by the world." It can be easy to get swept up in the power and emotion of everything going on in the news and social media; for everyone and in every direction; for or against a statement or action. I have to work at not letting those gut reactions to things I see and read draw me into the thoughts and ways of the world. 
It helps to remember that, "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12) When he says "rulers" and "authorities" I don't think he was referring to Caesar or the president because he just said that the struggle wasn't against flesh and blood. We must remember that the fight is not against this group or that group. That is how the world sees things. In reality, what we are really against is the sinful nature inside each and every one of us, and against the spiritual forces who seek to destroy that which brings glory to God--namely, the people who are created in God's image (in case you missed it before, that is everyone). In the process of the battle evil must be address, and our role in that does tend to involve confronting human beings. But even as we do so, we can't forget that those humans we are confronting for their wicked actions are just as much created in the image of God as those for whom we are fighting.
It can seem complicated, I know. The point is, don't try to tackle this from the perspective of the world. Look to God for direction and help. That is the only way we will ever find a real solution.

The Day I Broke

Over the last month or so I've been diving back into the world of recording. Only a few people know that I've done some recording in the past, and even fewer knew about this go around. It has been fun and challenging. I have a better computer now, and learned a few tricks with the equipment I was using that made things go a lot smoother. To top it off, I started recording a few videos as well and pairing them with the audio. I even set up a little channel on YouTube as a place to put my projects (with no intention of "building a channel" or going viral).
Throughout this process a lot of things have gone well, and I've learned and grown and all that jazz. However, there has been one little hiccough, one wrench in the machine that has bothered me from the beginning...my voice.
I don't mean to say that I don't like hearing my voice (I don't, but that's not the point). Most people don't like hearing their own voice, and that's perfectly natural. This is a much more musical issue. Right from the start I could tell that I was not hitting things right. Oh sure, most of it sounds okay; maybe even quite nice (a matter of opinion really), but far too often I just wouldn't hit notes right, or I wouldn't be able to hold a note in the right place. It was pitchy. Again, not all the time, but moments. I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't even notice. They might think, "he's good. Not great, but good." Though they wouldn't know why. Those of us with the ear for it would know exactly why.
Toward the beginning of all this recording I just figured, 'maybe I'm out of practice and just need to give it time and effort.' After one month filled with nothing but time to practice (thank you covid-19) it's not getting any better, and the question becomes, 'have I damaged my voice so as to lose that level of control, or did I ever even have it?'
Let's be clear. I have never had any intention of going pro, and I was not designed for the solo gig. I've always preferred making music with others, and especially singing the harmonies. So this discovery should not be an earth-shattering issue on any practical level.
But today I broke.
Yesterday I released another video that was the usual level of 'meh', and some guy with his own music channel gave me a really positive comment. I checked out his channel (because that's the only reason he liked my video) and, while I probably wouldn't care for his music, his vocal control was really good. Fast forward to this afternoon. As I was practicing the songs for church this Sunday, I come up to a note that takes some careful placement for me to hit it right...and I biffed it.
It's not the first time I've hit a note wrong (and it won't be the last). But right in that moment I thought, 'I don't want to do this any more.'
I put my guitar down, and I just sat in that thought for a minute. That one thought was wrapped up in so many others, 'you have to do it. You have a responsibility to fulfill. People are counting on you, and they don't seem to care that you don't have it all together vocally.'
'I don't want to do this any more.'
This was a big moment for me. I'm the can-do-kid (for lack of a better term). When I say I'm going to do something, I do it as best I can, and I don't give up until the job is done. But right then I just wanted to be done. Not because it was hard or painful or boring or scary or for any of the other reasons I have not liked doing something yet still pushed through. I'm not sure how to describe the reason other than to say that it was perhaps a very deep sense of inadequacy. When I do things, I want to do them well, and suddenly I couldn't. And it wasn't just some skill I could no longer manage. It was my voice, the most personal, deep, intimate instrument of them all. I've always considered my voice to be the one instrument that I truly knew how to use at the drop of a hat. But it turned out my voice was just 'okay' like the rest of the instruments I've dabbled in.
Today I broke.
As I sat there wanting so much to just walk away--specifically from leading music on Sundays--my heavenly Father had some words for me.
Oddly enough it wasn't words of comfort, consolation, or understanding. It was actually more of a "buck up and walk it off"kind of talk. He reminded me of the very thing I have wanted to tell so many people before. God doesn't want us to sing to Him because our voices are so perfect. He wants each of us--He wants you to sing to Him because your voice is yours. It is the voice He gave you and no one else has it. It is the most personal, deep, and intimate instrument you own and He wants you to offer it up to Him.
I had always wanted to shake up the church to get them to understand this idea. It's not about what your voice sounds like. It's the fact that it is yours and He wants to hear it from you. But here I was, suddenly feeling some serious insecurities about my own voice, and now I wanted to throw in the towel.
Then He began to comfort me. He reminded me that He didn't need a flawless performance. He just wanted a wholehearted offering.
I picked up my guitar and returned to the music I had been working on and was struck anew by the message of the song:

"My life is in You, Lord.
My strength is in You, Lord.
My hope is in You, Lord.
I will praise You with all of my life.
I will praise You with all of my strength.
All of my life, all of my strength, all of my hope is in You." ~Daniel Gardner

All of my life. Even the parts that I don't like or that I feel are inadequate. All of it is praise to God. Not because the gift is worthy, but because it is all I have, and it is all He wants. Not a flawless performance, but a wholehearted offering.

You are Not Alone

I have been locked up in my house for five weeks now. "Well no duh," says the world, "we all have."
Tomorrow starts week six of social distancing in Montana, and I want to ask everyone, "how are you doing?" I am very aware that this is a hard way to live, and harder for some than others. And I'm worried about many of you, and I wish I could help, but all I can do is tell you how I've made it through.

I don't mean how I've made it through the last few weeks. Let me give some context.

August of 2012 I left the populated regions of western Oregon for the vast open prairies of eastern Montana. For some perspective, I think the closest Starbucks is about 4 hours away...and in another country. I don't even live in a town in eastern Montana. Where I hang my hat is forty minutes from the nearest gas station. There is not a whole lot to do out here other than live, work, and enjoy the scenery.
Don't get me wrong. I love where I live and I have a fantastic community of people around me. But if you read my last post (*mumble mumble* two years ago *mumble mumble*), you know that I'm living here on my own, and have been for the last eight years. So when I go home at the end of the day (because there isn't much else to do) I get to live pretty much how many of you are living now. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to see.

Again, I love the life God has called me to, but after eight years of living like this I can tell you two things from experience:

First of all, it is hard. Some days are harder than others. You know that. I'm an introvert, so in a lot of ways I prefer this kind of life, but even still. It is hard. I don't want to pass over this fact because it is important to recognize. Even as we all face different forms and degrees of isolation and confinement, each of us is struggling with this in different ways and at different levels. Just because I generally live like this does NOT mean that I think everyone can do it. It's hard for me, and I basically prefer it. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for those of you who can't stand this sort of thing for one hour let alone one month.
And it's hard for a lot of reasons. For each person it's hard for different reasons. But overall, I would venture to guess (especially since it tends to be true even when surrounded by people) that one of the main reasons it is hard is because it feels so alone.
Whether you feel separated from friends, from family, from coworkers, from students, from teachers, from peers, or you feel alone as you try to care for your kids, your spouse, your parents, or yourself. That feeling of loneliness that isolation brings is hard.

But the other thing I know from eight years of living alone is that I have never been alone a day in my life. Even in my lowest, most isolated, most disconnected moments when it felt like there was no one else around; no one who was there; no one who understood; no one who cared; even when I felt like I was alone, I never was.

God has always been with me; always cared for me; always loved me; always understood me.
And He is always there for you too.

Feelings are real; loss, pain, loneliness, worry, fear. Feelings are real, but they are not always based in reality. Even though we feel alone, it does not mean we are alone.

It just so happened that I didn't get to see the latest Star Wars movie in theaters (this does relate, just give me a moment). So my first viewing of The Rise of Skywalker was towards the beginning of this whole quarantine process. It was perfectly timed, because one of the major ideas put forth in that film is this statement (and I might be paraphrasing but it's mostly right): "The enemy wins by making us think we are alone." 
Don't let the enemy win!

As I said at the start. I'm concerned about you all. Even those of you whom I have never met and never will. I have been praying for you, and will continue to do so.
I'm doing fine now. I have a lot of experience with this, but I know how hard it has been for me over the last eight years, and I can't even imagine how hard it must be for some of you. But I want you to know this one thing:

You are Not Alone.

I'm Not Dying, I'm Just Single

Let me just say, I love the life God has given me. As I near the completion of my third decade, I can look back on a life that has had ups and downs, laughter and tears (though more often tears of laughter), a few trials, and boatloads of blessings. Most importantly I can look back and see the handy work of my amazing God, even (and especially) in those moments when I was much less than amazing (which was the vast majority).
Now I'm here, living in a beautiful place, with a wonderful community, working with students whom I love, and taking life one day at a time with my precious God. It is a good life.
So why do people keep treating me like some poor soul on his deathbed; praying for a cure and suggesting remedies; all the while trying to console me, to convince me that I'm going to pull through?
The answer is quite simple. I suffer from the condition sola vitae, or, as it is better known, Singleness.
It seems overly-dramatic to compare singleness to a fatal disease. Yet, the attitude people bring to it is strikingly similar. Most people who have it fight, pray, and work to find a "cure." But what I find more interesting is the way people react when they find out that you have it.

I'll be honest, I don't know how to talk with someone who is dealing with some life altering and/or potentially terminal illness. It isn't that I don't have some ideas. I could just be with them, sitting silently. Or I could talk with them about other things. Better yet, I could talk with them about their illness and the struggles they deal with physically, mentally, and emotionally. What I don't know is how this particular person would respond to each of these approaches. People are different. What one person needs is not the same as another person. Ultimately I just end up feeling unsure and uncomfortable about the whole thing.
When it comes right down to it, most people don't know how to interact with singleness. They are unsure and uncomfortable with it; especially in the Church. (This is not to say that the Church is worse than the world. Only that the world doesn't see singleness as a problem but rather a solution. The world promotes complete autonomy while tending to your "physical needs" any way you want and can. The Church, on the other hand sees marriage as a beautiful and desirable thing created by God, and part of the intended flow of life.)
Don't get me wrong. I still have great relationships with people in my community. The Church can interact well with single people. It is the condition of singleness itself that makes things awkward. Do you talk about the single life? Do you avoid it as a touchy subject? Do you offer advice? (Most people take the third option...because they have been their, and they have the solution.)

I don't say any of this in bitterness. It is too funny for me to be upset about it. Let me tell you why.
I have heard for years (a lot of years) that you just can't understand the challenges of being married, or being a parent until you actually have been there for a while. For this reason, I make it my policy to not offer advice in these areas (though I would be glad to discuss the issues especially in the context of what God says in scripture). Even so, there are still plenty of single and childless people who insist that, "when I get married I will never...", or, "we just wouldn't fight about that," or, "if you just did this with your child it would solve everything." And how do the married parents respond?
Depending on the person, the day, and how many straws they have left, they may smile and nod. But they might just as easily unload a large helping of, "who do you think you are, and what do you know?!"
My point is that the stereotype is set. People outside the situation always think they have the solution. (This does not, by the way mean that people outside the situation are always wrong. Sometimes they have a point. I know of at least two single guys in the Bible who taught some powerful stuff on marriage.) We recognize that the single person is not really in a position to tell the married couple how it should be done. And married people see and feel that.
What we are slower to recognize is that the couple who got married by the age of 20, might not have all the answers for the God honoring singleton of 30. So when I get well meaning advice on "how to get the girl," I just smile and nod. Bless their heart.

Of course part of the issue is a matter of perspective. There is some notion that singleness is a negative thing. As if you can't be happy without that other person in your life. Or you can't be fulfilled, or accomplished. Or maybe it is a sign that you just aren't living the life that God wants you to live. If you had, you would have met and married your spouse by now.
So then they start trying to console you (this is even more hilarious than giving you advice). They tell you stories of other people who found love later in life. Or they might spout off some statistics about how this generation on average is getting married later. Almost as if to say, "there is something wrong with you, but you can feel okay about it because they are just a few years out from discovering a cure. You are going to make it." Bless their hearts. They mean well. They really do.

Here is what you need to know. It is okay to be single. There is nothing wrong with it. Just as there is nothing inherently "right" about being married. Some people are not meant to be married to each other. Marriage is not inherently good, and singleness is not inherently bad.
Is singleness hard and challenging? Yes.
Is marriage hard and challenging? YES!
Marriage is not a solution to fix a singletons problems. Just as God doesn't think divorce is a solution to fix all of a married persons' problems.
Do singles need encouragement and reassurance? Sometimes, yes. But not all the time. Could you imagine what would happen if every time someone told me they were married I responded with, "don't worry, it will get better"? Just because someone tells you they are single, does not mean they need a pep talk. So maybe wait until the person is actually feeling sick before you send the "get well soon" card.

Last of all, you need to know that God knows what he is doing with us. God has a plan for you in your marriage, and God has a plan for us in or singleness. It may not last forever. But that's not the point. The point is that right now God has work for us. Singleness is not a stage in life to begrudge. It is a time to embrace as we walk with God in the good works he has prepared in advance for us to do. If I had found that special someone back when I first wanted to, I don't know that I ever would have done half of the things I have accomplished in the last ten years. Are there other opportunities that I could have had as a married, family man? Yes, and those are valuable and important too. But that wasn't what God had planned for me for that time in my life. So next time you are talking with someone who says they are single, don't say "sorry." Say "thank you." Because God is using them to build up his Church. (Though if they aren't doing anything to build up the Church, tell them to get off their lazy spiritual butts, get off ChristianMingle, and get to work serving others.)

Hi, I'm single, and I'm okay.
Would I like to one day be married and have a family? Yes.
Is it possible that my incredibly shy and generally friendly nature keeps me from being "aggressive" in the dating world? That is a distinct possibility, but I'm still pretty sure I have been doing the right thing in following God's plan for me so far.
Remember, singleness is not a disease. It is a calling. Don't waste it. Don't belittle it.
And don't even think about pulling my plug!

Reflections on 2016

As I crossed the parking lot between the school and my house, breathing in the brisk, frigid air of a northern winter, I soaked in the crimson spectacle of the last light of December; the final Montana sunset of 2016. Years have come and gone, and so I don't tend to think about it much. But this breathtaking moment caused me to pause and consider the year that has passed. What have I done? What has been accomplished? I know things have happened, but in the rush of it all I find it hard to gather the events into the idea of a single year.
I ran a 10K, finished building a house, and completed my first grad course. I took several of my students to the state music festival, and even more to the honors music festival. I composed and arranged nearly ten musical pieces at least (I can't remember), and finally recorded all of the songs I have written (although I wrote another one a couple months later). I made a few new friends, and visited some old friends. I taught my nephew how to fist bump. I graduated my first freshman class (11 students), and started my fifth Kindergarten class (one student). I had the most successful and enjoyable (for my part) pep-band season of my career so far, and directed my students in leading an entire worship service for the sake of serving and blessing others as an act of worship to God. I recorded and edited a few video projects, and learned a thing or two about the people around me and the work they do every day. I read a few books (guessing between 25 and 40), worked on a few knitting projects--some of which will never see the light of day, but taught me a few things that will likely take my textile game up a notch. I wrote consistently over the entire summer. I sang for my sister's wedding, and have worked a lot on improving my piano skills (still not there in the sight-reading department).
There are probably a few other things I'm not remembering right now. And somewhere in the midst of all those things I also did some teaching and connecting with students. Sing, play, perform, here's a concert, have at it. All that good stuff.
It does appear to have been a full year. Right now it seems the world around us is very focused on all the things that went "wrong" over the last year. I won't deny that our world is in turmoil right now. This is not, however, a new thing. Jesus warned us that there would be wars, and rumors of wars, but that didn't mean he would be coming just yet; that didn't mean it was the end. Paul tells us that all creation groans as in the pains of childbirth. That's not a "meh" groan. That's more of a blood-curdling scream. But it is all in anticipation of a future redemption and glory.
What I'm trying to say is this: Not all is good in this life. It is not the fault of the Year of Our Lord 2016. It is our own sin, selfishness, pride, and apathy. We are not capable of fixing the problem. That has already been done, is being done, and will be done by one far greater than us. We can, however move forward in the light and life of God to fill the year 2017 with heaping piles of good things.
The next year could be another rough ride. There will be plenty of bad things happening around the world and in our neighborhoods throughout the year. But you and I can act in the power of God to make sure it isn't all bad. Don't live like a victim or a helpless bystander. Let's take action in our lives. Even simple disciplines to improve our own lives can be used to bless others. So go improve yourself! Or take what you already have and look for where it is needed. I don't know what you need to do this year, but God has some ideas. Ask Him!
Opportunities abound.
What can He do in and through us this year? What will you let Him do in and through you?