The Plan Behind The Pain

 I was reading in 2 Kings 8 the other day when I came across something I couldn't believe I had missed before. Let me set the scene:

A famine is coming, and the prophet Elisha knows it. So he warns a certain woman and her family and tells them to leave their home and find refuge from the famine in another land. That's a big ask. There had been years of famine before. They make for tough times, but eventually things bounce back and move forward. But if you give up your home and land, how are you supposed to move forward when the famine is over.

This family, however, was very familiar with Elisha and had long supported him and his work. They trusted him and they trusted the God that he spoke for. So they left to the Philistine country for seven years. 

Fast-forward seven years, they return to Israel and want to find a way to get their land back. So they go to make a request of the King. This is an uncertain and desperate attempt at best. None of the kings of Israel, since the split from Judah, have been good. Not a single one revered God as he should have, and every one led Israel to worship idols instead of the one true God. So even the best of these kings was lacking in moral fiber. Yet, the king was their only hope of receiving back their land. So the family goes to make their appeal. 

It just so happens that at this time the king is listening to stories of Elisha's miraculous exploits from one of Elisha's previous servants. As the servant waxes eloquent over Elisha's accomplishments, he tells the king of a young boy who once died and was then brought back to life by Elisha. This is where the family comes in...literally.

As the family is brought before the king, Elisha's servant tells the king that the son of the family is the very one whom Elisha had raised from the dead. This revelation seems to intrigue the king, because, after confirming the story with the family, the king decides to not only give them back their land, but to also give them the produce from the land for the seven years they were gone. This was a very generous provision for a family who only moments ago had next to nothing. 

What a great story, right? God has once again provided for his people by a strange combination of coincidences. It all seems like a very happy tale. 

But it wasn't always...

This story goes back, many years before the famine, to chapter four. This woman and her family had been generous supporters of Elisha, and so he asked how he could repay them. It was discovered that she had not been able to have children. So Elisha tells the woman that she will have a son. But her response was to tell the prophet not to get her hopes up. Clearly she desperately desired children, but had finally resigned herself to her barren state and did not dare hope for a son even at the word of a prophet of God. 

Yet God gave her a son, and all seemed good. Until one day when the young boy came to his father complaining of a headache and, later that same day, died in his mother's lap. 

Why?

Why would God do such a thing?

Why give this family the joy and hope of a child after so many years of suffering the pain of barrenness, only to take his life at such a young age? Why must this family face this suffering after all else that they had endured? It doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem fair. It doesn't seem good. Why would God do such a thing?

As the story continues, Elisha is summoned, and he brings the child back to life by the power of God. An incredible miracle, to be sure. And I can only imagine the rejoicing that would have taken place in that home. But it all still seems rather meaningless.

Why make them barren, only to give them a child anyway, only to take the child's life, only to give it back again? Is this some kind of joke? Is God playing with people's emotions for his own entertainment? Or just to show off how powerful he is?

I don't think so. 

Because even before God promised them a son, God knew that the famine was coming. Even before God took the life of the boy, God knew that Elisha's servant was going to disgrace himself before Elisha and eventually find himself in the company of the king. Even before God brought the child back to life, God knew that the king would be so fascinated by this resurrection story that it would cause him to be generous toward this family in need. 

God knew, and God had a plan. But the plan would not work without going through periods of intense, agonizing, and seemingly pointless pain and loss.

It reminds me of another story of a Son who died and rose again for the provision and salvation of thousands and millions. God knew, even before he created the world, the pain his Son would have to endure. But God also knew the life and the glory that it would bring in the end.

God is not unkind and unfeeling in the way he orchestrates our lives. He understands and sympathizes with us in our suffering. And He does not waste a single life or even a tear. But He works all things together for our good.

Even when all we can see is the pain, God has a plan.

Power to Know Love

 I've been pondering Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3. Of course it makes sense that Paul would want his beloved brothers and sisters in Christ to know the love of God. After all, Paul himself declared that everything he once considered to have value was disgustingly worthless compared to the surpassing value of knowing Christ. 

Paul's prayer is a wonderful example of what we should be praying for ourselves, our loved ones, and the world. That much is clear. But what I struggled to understand is this, "that...he may grant you to be strengthened with power...that you...may have strength to comprehend...and to know the love of Christ..." What exactly is the connection between strength & power and knowing love? The two seem to be completely unrelated. 

First of all, why would it take strength to know something? Knowledge is the realm of the intellect and experience. You don't have to be strong to know something. You might need wisdom, experience, understanding, or some other such qualities, but not usually strength. 

Secondly, why would strength be needed to know love. Even when love is strong, I wouldn't think you would need to be strong to receive it. Normally I would expect love to be strong on behalf of the recipient. I certainly wouldn't expect love to come in a form that demanded strength to receive it. 

Even as I write this, I am conscious of the notion that you might have a dozen examples of when love would require a strong reception. But while my mind seems to be on the verge of getting there, I cannot make the leap. 

Until, like that frisbee that kept growing larger, it hit me.

I was talking with a friend who was sharing some of his struggles and frustrations with his marriage (don't worry, you don't know them), and I kept thinking about his responsibility in the relationship. What is a husband's duty? To love his wife as Christ loves the Church. This is not to diminish the difficulty, pain, frustration, and challenge of the situation. Rather it is to face it as Christ did for us. Jesus didn't wait for us to realize we were wrong and come apologize before he would demonstrate his love. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). And it HURT! And he knew exactly what he was walking into.

That's when it clicked; to know the love of Christ is not just receiving it. In order to really know the love of Christ, you have to share it. "We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). "Anyone who does not love does not know God" (1 John 4:8). "If we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us" (1 John 4:12). The only problem is that real love is hard!

Let's think about this:

How much energy, self-discipline, patience, and perseverance does it take to always act in love toward an infant? Oh, sure, some of the time they are precious, cute, sweet, little angels. But that sweet cherub can quickly turn into an irrational, smelly, messy, sleep-destroying, screaming monster. Yet we will treat that baby with all the tenderness and patience we can muster because he is a baby. He doesn't know what he needs. He can't communicate clearly. He can't even really control his own body. And so, love acts with all the strength it can muster to nurture and care for this precious child.

Fast forward a few decades. The baby is grown up...physically. However, sin has him acting like an infant. His wants keep him from understanding his true needs. His self-centeredness keeps him from being able to communicate clearly. He even acts in such a way that would make it seem as though he can't control his own body; whether driven by anger, lust, greed, or laziness, he acts on impulse.

How do we respond to this grown man? We don't have the same instinctual grace and patience for an adult as we do for a baby. Yet, we are still to act in love. Even when we are met with selfishness and pain, we are neither to act out in vengeance nor our own selfish desires. That kind of love is Hard! 

That kind of love will take a great amount of strength and power. I can confidently say that I do not possess such power to demonstrate that kind of love...without God. And if we think that the love of God is just for "me," then we do not at all know the love of Christ.

People are hard to love. They are impossible to love in our own strength. But through the strengthening and power of the Holy Spirit, we can experience and know the love of God not just for ourselves, but for those around us as well. That is how we begin to truly know the love of Christ. 

James Speaks to Today

I don't care to be another voice screaming into the digital mass of humanity concerning the issues of today. However, this has been on my mind and my heart and I am going to write it out here just in case this can help me as I process, and perhaps someone else.
Over the last couple weeks I have become rather uncomfortable as I scroll through my Facebook feed. It can feel like everyone is shouting at each other while our nation is seemingly falling apart at the seams. I am a middle-child who longs for peace and reconciliation. Conflict (especially conflict that appears to have no quick resolution) is uncomfortable.
But that's all. Just uncomfortable.
You see, while it seems to me as though the world just went crazy, I have to remind myself that the world has been crazy for a long time. The difference is that the world's craziness never really inconvenienced me; it never hurt, it never worried. Oh sure, every life is filled with its own trials, challenges, worries and fears. But I will freely admit that my life has been rather easy.
Meanwhile, in the rest of the country and the world there are people who live every day in pain and suffering and fear; fear of starvation, fear of terrorism, fear of abduction, fear of all manner of abuse and torment, and fear of death. That is only the short list.
The world has already been crazy, the only difference is that now it has made me uncomfortable. Big whoop.
So what do I do now?
As I've been processing all of this, my thoughts keep turning to James.
First I had to process my own thoughts on racism and my perceptions of people who are different from me. This is where I have to give a lot of credit to my mother, because as she home schooled my siblings and I, she didn't just teach us that there were other people in other places. We actually learned about how they live and why they live that way. I learned that there are a lot of ways to live on this big blue orb, and I could learn a lot from others if I will just pay attention and listen. I learned that "different" is not a synonym for "wrong." Rather, it is an opportunity for growth. Differences are to be appreciated and valued.
Even if--after I have listened and payed attention--I do not agree with our differences, that doesn't make you any less of a person, or any less important than me. But that lesson came from a different source. It is drawn out in several places in scripture, but the one that keeps coming to mind these days is in the letter from James, the brother of Jesus.
"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be." (James 3:9-10 emphasis added)
I grew up with the idea that ALL people--Every Single Person--have been created in the image of God. God loves everyone, and He loves each person individually. How could I even think of hating a person or a group of people for being different when they--like me--are created in the image of God? I am a little crazy and took it a step further to consider that even those who are wicked and commit horrendous atrocities are still human beings created in the image of God and loved by Him, and are therefore not to be hated so much as pitied and even prayed for. (But that's another issue for another day.)
As I have tossed these ideas around, I am reminded that James had more to say on the issue of discrimination. 
"My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, 'Here’s a good seat for you,' but say to the poor man, 'You stand there' or 'Sit on the floor by my feet,' have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?" (2:1-4 emphasis added)

In this passage, James gives an example of discrimination on the grounds of wealth. However, the example is only an example. The point is that we "must not show favoritism," nor "discriminate among [ourselves]." When we do, we are not just being unkind or a little rude. We actually become "judges with evil thoughts."
This passage is not suggesting that we go about life without any discernment. You will know a tree by its fruit. However, when it comes to the externals (wealth, social class, skin color, gender) we must not play favorites and thus honor or dishonor people based on our preferences. Remember, they are each created in the image of God.
That is the lens through which I try to view people. So now what? I'm still uncomfortable, and get the idea that I need to do something about it.
I see and hear the pain of those who have been suffering in our nation. I don't deny that our country (though perhaps in better shape than many in the world) is not perfect, and is filled with corruption at every level. We are, after all, talking about a nation filled with and run by sinful people (as we all are. Oh look, another thing we all have in common). But what can I do about it?
An easy answer is that I can pray for those who are oppressed, abused, and overlooked, and I can pray for our government to seek changes that are based on the wisdom of God and in line with the will of God. However, while that is not a wrong answer to the question--and should certainly be a first and continual step--James has reminded me that there is more to the solution.
"Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, 'Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." (2:15-17)
I know that I am not the solution to the problems of the world. There is only one person who is capable of that, and I will gladly turn to Him to bring about the changes needed in our nation. But once my "amen" is spoken, I have to be willing to go about my life ready to be part of His solution. It is a great mystery, the fact that God does not need us in order to accomplish anything, but that He chooses to include us in His work to accomplish things on this earth. 
It is all well and good to pray for the well being of others, but if they have a need and I have the means and God says, "I hear your prayer, and I've given you the ability to answer this part of it," then that prayer doesn't mean much if I'm just going to sit on my self-righteous laurels waiting for God to do all the heavy lifting.
So what should I do?
Ultimately, the answer to that question is between me and God. What he wants from you will likely look different from what he wants from me. Again, "different" is not "wrong." If we each take care of our own assignment, the job is accomplished in a much better way than if I insist that everyone do what I am doing.
However, I will say that as I have prayerfully considered this question, one thing that has come to mind was written by--you guessed it--James.
"Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (1:26-27)
Again, talk is cheep...like, worthless cheep if I am just throwing around self-righteous platitudes. This entire blog post means absolutely nothing unless I turn around and act on what God has given me to do. "Look after orphans and widows in their distress..." I don't yet know what this means or looks like for me in the days to come. God knows. I'll try to follow Him.
I think the second part is also worth keeping in mind through all of this. "Keep oneself from being polluted by the world." It can be easy to get swept up in the power and emotion of everything going on in the news and social media; for everyone and in every direction; for or against a statement or action. I have to work at not letting those gut reactions to things I see and read draw me into the thoughts and ways of the world. 
It helps to remember that, "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12) When he says "rulers" and "authorities" I don't think he was referring to Caesar or the president because he just said that the struggle wasn't against flesh and blood. We must remember that the fight is not against this group or that group. That is how the world sees things. In reality, what we are really against is the sinful nature inside each and every one of us, and against the spiritual forces who seek to destroy that which brings glory to God--namely, the people who are created in God's image (in case you missed it before, that is everyone). In the process of the battle evil must be address, and our role in that does tend to involve confronting human beings. But even as we do so, we can't forget that those humans we are confronting for their wicked actions are just as much created in the image of God as those for whom we are fighting.
It can seem complicated, I know. The point is, don't try to tackle this from the perspective of the world. Look to God for direction and help. That is the only way we will ever find a real solution.

The Day I Broke

Over the last month or so I've been diving back into the world of recording. Only a few people know that I've done some recording in the past, and even fewer knew about this go around. It has been fun and challenging. I have a better computer now, and learned a few tricks with the equipment I was using that made things go a lot smoother. To top it off, I started recording a few videos as well and pairing them with the audio. I even set up a little channel on YouTube as a place to put my projects (with no intention of "building a channel" or going viral).
Throughout this process a lot of things have gone well, and I've learned and grown and all that jazz. However, there has been one little hiccough, one wrench in the machine that has bothered me from the beginning...my voice.
I don't mean to say that I don't like hearing my voice (I don't, but that's not the point). Most people don't like hearing their own voice, and that's perfectly natural. This is a much more musical issue. Right from the start I could tell that I was not hitting things right. Oh sure, most of it sounds okay; maybe even quite nice (a matter of opinion really), but far too often I just wouldn't hit notes right, or I wouldn't be able to hold a note in the right place. It was pitchy. Again, not all the time, but moments. I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't even notice. They might think, "he's good. Not great, but good." Though they wouldn't know why. Those of us with the ear for it would know exactly why.
Toward the beginning of all this recording I just figured, 'maybe I'm out of practice and just need to give it time and effort.' After one month filled with nothing but time to practice (thank you covid-19) it's not getting any better, and the question becomes, 'have I damaged my voice so as to lose that level of control, or did I ever even have it?'
Let's be clear. I have never had any intention of going pro, and I was not designed for the solo gig. I've always preferred making music with others, and especially singing the harmonies. So this discovery should not be an earth-shattering issue on any practical level.
But today I broke.
Yesterday I released another video that was the usual level of 'meh', and some guy with his own music channel gave me a really positive comment. I checked out his channel (because that's the only reason he liked my video) and, while I probably wouldn't care for his music, his vocal control was really good. Fast forward to this afternoon. As I was practicing the songs for church this Sunday, I come up to a note that takes some careful placement for me to hit it right...and I biffed it.
It's not the first time I've hit a note wrong (and it won't be the last). But right in that moment I thought, 'I don't want to do this any more.'
I put my guitar down, and I just sat in that thought for a minute. That one thought was wrapped up in so many others, 'you have to do it. You have a responsibility to fulfill. People are counting on you, and they don't seem to care that you don't have it all together vocally.'
'I don't want to do this any more.'
This was a big moment for me. I'm the can-do-kid (for lack of a better term). When I say I'm going to do something, I do it as best I can, and I don't give up until the job is done. But right then I just wanted to be done. Not because it was hard or painful or boring or scary or for any of the other reasons I have not liked doing something yet still pushed through. I'm not sure how to describe the reason other than to say that it was perhaps a very deep sense of inadequacy. When I do things, I want to do them well, and suddenly I couldn't. And it wasn't just some skill I could no longer manage. It was my voice, the most personal, deep, intimate instrument of them all. I've always considered my voice to be the one instrument that I truly knew how to use at the drop of a hat. But it turned out my voice was just 'okay' like the rest of the instruments I've dabbled in.
Today I broke.
As I sat there wanting so much to just walk away--specifically from leading music on Sundays--my heavenly Father had some words for me.
Oddly enough it wasn't words of comfort, consolation, or understanding. It was actually more of a "buck up and walk it off"kind of talk. He reminded me of the very thing I have wanted to tell so many people before. God doesn't want us to sing to Him because our voices are so perfect. He wants each of us--He wants you to sing to Him because your voice is yours. It is the voice He gave you and no one else has it. It is the most personal, deep, and intimate instrument you own and He wants you to offer it up to Him.
I had always wanted to shake up the church to get them to understand this idea. It's not about what your voice sounds like. It's the fact that it is yours and He wants to hear it from you. But here I was, suddenly feeling some serious insecurities about my own voice, and now I wanted to throw in the towel.
Then He began to comfort me. He reminded me that He didn't need a flawless performance. He just wanted a wholehearted offering.
I picked up my guitar and returned to the music I had been working on and was struck anew by the message of the song:

"My life is in You, Lord.
My strength is in You, Lord.
My hope is in You, Lord.
I will praise You with all of my life.
I will praise You with all of my strength.
All of my life, all of my strength, all of my hope is in You." ~Daniel Gardner

All of my life. Even the parts that I don't like or that I feel are inadequate. All of it is praise to God. Not because the gift is worthy, but because it is all I have, and it is all He wants. Not a flawless performance, but a wholehearted offering.

You are Not Alone

I have been locked up in my house for five weeks now. "Well no duh," says the world, "we all have."
Tomorrow starts week six of social distancing in Montana, and I want to ask everyone, "how are you doing?" I am very aware that this is a hard way to live, and harder for some than others. And I'm worried about many of you, and I wish I could help, but all I can do is tell you how I've made it through.

I don't mean how I've made it through the last few weeks. Let me give some context.

August of 2012 I left the populated regions of western Oregon for the vast open prairies of eastern Montana. For some perspective, I think the closest Starbucks is about 4 hours away...and in another country. I don't even live in a town in eastern Montana. Where I hang my hat is forty minutes from the nearest gas station. There is not a whole lot to do out here other than live, work, and enjoy the scenery.
Don't get me wrong. I love where I live and I have a fantastic community of people around me. But if you read my last post (*mumble mumble* two years ago *mumble mumble*), you know that I'm living here on my own, and have been for the last eight years. So when I go home at the end of the day (because there isn't much else to do) I get to live pretty much how many of you are living now. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to see.

Again, I love the life God has called me to, but after eight years of living like this I can tell you two things from experience:

First of all, it is hard. Some days are harder than others. You know that. I'm an introvert, so in a lot of ways I prefer this kind of life, but even still. It is hard. I don't want to pass over this fact because it is important to recognize. Even as we all face different forms and degrees of isolation and confinement, each of us is struggling with this in different ways and at different levels. Just because I generally live like this does NOT mean that I think everyone can do it. It's hard for me, and I basically prefer it. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for those of you who can't stand this sort of thing for one hour let alone one month.
And it's hard for a lot of reasons. For each person it's hard for different reasons. But overall, I would venture to guess (especially since it tends to be true even when surrounded by people) that one of the main reasons it is hard is because it feels so alone.
Whether you feel separated from friends, from family, from coworkers, from students, from teachers, from peers, or you feel alone as you try to care for your kids, your spouse, your parents, or yourself. That feeling of loneliness that isolation brings is hard.

But the other thing I know from eight years of living alone is that I have never been alone a day in my life. Even in my lowest, most isolated, most disconnected moments when it felt like there was no one else around; no one who was there; no one who understood; no one who cared; even when I felt like I was alone, I never was.

God has always been with me; always cared for me; always loved me; always understood me.
And He is always there for you too.

Feelings are real; loss, pain, loneliness, worry, fear. Feelings are real, but they are not always based in reality. Even though we feel alone, it does not mean we are alone.

It just so happened that I didn't get to see the latest Star Wars movie in theaters (this does relate, just give me a moment). So my first viewing of The Rise of Skywalker was towards the beginning of this whole quarantine process. It was perfectly timed, because one of the major ideas put forth in that film is this statement (and I might be paraphrasing but it's mostly right): "The enemy wins by making us think we are alone." 
Don't let the enemy win!

As I said at the start. I'm concerned about you all. Even those of you whom I have never met and never will. I have been praying for you, and will continue to do so.
I'm doing fine now. I have a lot of experience with this, but I know how hard it has been for me over the last eight years, and I can't even imagine how hard it must be for some of you. But I want you to know this one thing:

You are Not Alone.

I'm Not Dying, I'm Just Single

Let me just say, I love the life God has given me. As I near the completion of my third decade, I can look back on a life that has had ups and downs, laughter and tears (though more often tears of laughter), a few trials, and boatloads of blessings. Most importantly I can look back and see the handy work of my amazing God, even (and especially) in those moments when I was much less than amazing (which was the vast majority).
Now I'm here, living in a beautiful place, with a wonderful community, working with students whom I love, and taking life one day at a time with my precious God. It is a good life.
So why do people keep treating me like some poor soul on his deathbed; praying for a cure and suggesting remedies; all the while trying to console me, to convince me that I'm going to pull through?
The answer is quite simple. I suffer from the condition sola vitae, or, as it is better known, Singleness.
It seems overly-dramatic to compare singleness to a fatal disease. Yet, the attitude people bring to it is strikingly similar. Most people who have it fight, pray, and work to find a "cure." But what I find more interesting is the way people react when they find out that you have it.

I'll be honest, I don't know how to talk with someone who is dealing with some life altering and/or potentially terminal illness. It isn't that I don't have some ideas. I could just be with them, sitting silently. Or I could talk with them about other things. Better yet, I could talk with them about their illness and the struggles they deal with physically, mentally, and emotionally. What I don't know is how this particular person would respond to each of these approaches. People are different. What one person needs is not the same as another person. Ultimately I just end up feeling unsure and uncomfortable about the whole thing.
When it comes right down to it, most people don't know how to interact with singleness. They are unsure and uncomfortable with it; especially in the Church. (This is not to say that the Church is worse than the world. Only that the world doesn't see singleness as a problem but rather a solution. The world promotes complete autonomy while tending to your "physical needs" any way you want and can. The Church, on the other hand sees marriage as a beautiful and desirable thing created by God, and part of the intended flow of life.)
Don't get me wrong. I still have great relationships with people in my community. The Church can interact well with single people. It is the condition of singleness itself that makes things awkward. Do you talk about the single life? Do you avoid it as a touchy subject? Do you offer advice? (Most people take the third option...because they have been their, and they have the solution.)

I don't say any of this in bitterness. It is too funny for me to be upset about it. Let me tell you why.
I have heard for years (a lot of years) that you just can't understand the challenges of being married, or being a parent until you actually have been there for a while. For this reason, I make it my policy to not offer advice in these areas (though I would be glad to discuss the issues especially in the context of what God says in scripture). Even so, there are still plenty of single and childless people who insist that, "when I get married I will never...", or, "we just wouldn't fight about that," or, "if you just did this with your child it would solve everything." And how do the married parents respond?
Depending on the person, the day, and how many straws they have left, they may smile and nod. But they might just as easily unload a large helping of, "who do you think you are, and what do you know?!"
My point is that the stereotype is set. People outside the situation always think they have the solution. (This does not, by the way mean that people outside the situation are always wrong. Sometimes they have a point. I know of at least two single guys in the Bible who taught some powerful stuff on marriage.) We recognize that the single person is not really in a position to tell the married couple how it should be done. And married people see and feel that.
What we are slower to recognize is that the couple who got married by the age of 20, might not have all the answers for the God honoring singleton of 30. So when I get well meaning advice on "how to get the girl," I just smile and nod. Bless their heart.

Of course part of the issue is a matter of perspective. There is some notion that singleness is a negative thing. As if you can't be happy without that other person in your life. Or you can't be fulfilled, or accomplished. Or maybe it is a sign that you just aren't living the life that God wants you to live. If you had, you would have met and married your spouse by now.
So then they start trying to console you (this is even more hilarious than giving you advice). They tell you stories of other people who found love later in life. Or they might spout off some statistics about how this generation on average is getting married later. Almost as if to say, "there is something wrong with you, but you can feel okay about it because they are just a few years out from discovering a cure. You are going to make it." Bless their hearts. They mean well. They really do.

Here is what you need to know. It is okay to be single. There is nothing wrong with it. Just as there is nothing inherently "right" about being married. Some people are not meant to be married to each other. Marriage is not inherently good, and singleness is not inherently bad.
Is singleness hard and challenging? Yes.
Is marriage hard and challenging? YES!
Marriage is not a solution to fix a singletons problems. Just as God doesn't think divorce is a solution to fix all of a married persons' problems.
Do singles need encouragement and reassurance? Sometimes, yes. But not all the time. Could you imagine what would happen if every time someone told me they were married I responded with, "don't worry, it will get better"? Just because someone tells you they are single, does not mean they need a pep talk. So maybe wait until the person is actually feeling sick before you send the "get well soon" card.

Last of all, you need to know that God knows what he is doing with us. God has a plan for you in your marriage, and God has a plan for us in or singleness. It may not last forever. But that's not the point. The point is that right now God has work for us. Singleness is not a stage in life to begrudge. It is a time to embrace as we walk with God in the good works he has prepared in advance for us to do. If I had found that special someone back when I first wanted to, I don't know that I ever would have done half of the things I have accomplished in the last ten years. Are there other opportunities that I could have had as a married, family man? Yes, and those are valuable and important too. But that wasn't what God had planned for me for that time in my life. So next time you are talking with someone who says they are single, don't say "sorry." Say "thank you." Because God is using them to build up his Church. (Though if they aren't doing anything to build up the Church, tell them to get off their lazy spiritual butts, get off ChristianMingle, and get to work serving others.)

Hi, I'm single, and I'm okay.
Would I like to one day be married and have a family? Yes.
Is it possible that my incredibly shy and generally friendly nature keeps me from being "aggressive" in the dating world? That is a distinct possibility, but I'm still pretty sure I have been doing the right thing in following God's plan for me so far.
Remember, singleness is not a disease. It is a calling. Don't waste it. Don't belittle it.
And don't even think about pulling my plug!

Reflections on 2016

As I crossed the parking lot between the school and my house, breathing in the brisk, frigid air of a northern winter, I soaked in the crimson spectacle of the last light of December; the final Montana sunset of 2016. Years have come and gone, and so I don't tend to think about it much. But this breathtaking moment caused me to pause and consider the year that has passed. What have I done? What has been accomplished? I know things have happened, but in the rush of it all I find it hard to gather the events into the idea of a single year.
I ran a 10K, finished building a house, and completed my first grad course. I took several of my students to the state music festival, and even more to the honors music festival. I composed and arranged nearly ten musical pieces at least (I can't remember), and finally recorded all of the songs I have written (although I wrote another one a couple months later). I made a few new friends, and visited some old friends. I taught my nephew how to fist bump. I graduated my first freshman class (11 students), and started my fifth Kindergarten class (one student). I had the most successful and enjoyable (for my part) pep-band season of my career so far, and directed my students in leading an entire worship service for the sake of serving and blessing others as an act of worship to God. I recorded and edited a few video projects, and learned a thing or two about the people around me and the work they do every day. I read a few books (guessing between 25 and 40), worked on a few knitting projects--some of which will never see the light of day, but taught me a few things that will likely take my textile game up a notch. I wrote consistently over the entire summer. I sang for my sister's wedding, and have worked a lot on improving my piano skills (still not there in the sight-reading department).
There are probably a few other things I'm not remembering right now. And somewhere in the midst of all those things I also did some teaching and connecting with students. Sing, play, perform, here's a concert, have at it. All that good stuff.
It does appear to have been a full year. Right now it seems the world around us is very focused on all the things that went "wrong" over the last year. I won't deny that our world is in turmoil right now. This is not, however, a new thing. Jesus warned us that there would be wars, and rumors of wars, but that didn't mean he would be coming just yet; that didn't mean it was the end. Paul tells us that all creation groans as in the pains of childbirth. That's not a "meh" groan. That's more of a blood-curdling scream. But it is all in anticipation of a future redemption and glory.
What I'm trying to say is this: Not all is good in this life. It is not the fault of the Year of Our Lord 2016. It is our own sin, selfishness, pride, and apathy. We are not capable of fixing the problem. That has already been done, is being done, and will be done by one far greater than us. We can, however move forward in the light and life of God to fill the year 2017 with heaping piles of good things.
The next year could be another rough ride. There will be plenty of bad things happening around the world and in our neighborhoods throughout the year. But you and I can act in the power of God to make sure it isn't all bad. Don't live like a victim or a helpless bystander. Let's take action in our lives. Even simple disciplines to improve our own lives can be used to bless others. So go improve yourself! Or take what you already have and look for where it is needed. I don't know what you need to do this year, but God has some ideas. Ask Him!
Opportunities abound.
What can He do in and through us this year? What will you let Him do in and through you?

Confessions of a Silent Witness

Today's thoughts come a little late (I may have been half-marathoning season nine of Doctor Who yesterday), a little uncertain, and very much targeted at myself.
Confession time: I don't like being up in front of people. Offer me a stage, and I will more than likely turn it down for work in the sound booth. Suggest me for a leadership role, and I will gracefully decline for a support role. As long as there is someone else who is equally or better suited for the task, I gladly deffer to him or her. These are the confessions of a performer, teacher, orator, actor, and occasional leader.
I don't ever feel like I need to be the center of attention, or that I am the person best equipped to be in charge. In fact, I take a great deal of joy in doing my best work to help others accomplish their goals, dreams, and visions.
But I grew up on the stage. My Mother had me performing for audiences from a young age. With practice I improved in my ability to appear calm and move on with the show. So I can sing, I can act, and I can deliver a rousing speech (especially if someone else has written a rousing speech for me to deliver). Even still, if I think that I don't really need to be up there, then I usually won't be.
The same philosophy applies to interactions with crowds. I don't want to be the center of attention, and so I contentedly stick to the fringes where I can see and hear and enjoy the crowd without imposing my consciousness upon it.
With this in mind it will probably come as no surprise that I, for most of my life have ascribed to the evangelical camp of, 'I am going to live my Christian life without foisting religious conversation on the people around me.' The statement is something like this, and I've heard it maybe a hundred times with slight variations, "I just want to let people see my faith by how I live." That was me. Even when in high school I could look around and see that there was something I understood, something I had that others needed, I was too shy, too scared, and uncertain where or how to begin to share my faith...so I didn't. I just lived it...I think.
Before I step up onto a soapbox (the same one I will be using to beat myself over the head for quiet some time, no doubt) let me make one thing clear. As followers of Christ, the world ought to be able to see our faith in our actions. If they are watching, they should be able to notice and sense a difference in us; especially in regards to our hope, peace, humility, confidence, repentance, and forgiveness. They kind of expect us to be "holy" and "righteous", but what they really notice is when we follow through with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. We absolutely ought to be living out our faith. James makes it clear that faith that doesn't produce action is dead. And certainly, there are numerous stories of people coming to Christ because they noticed how someone lived their faith.
An active faith is essential. But speaking is an action too.
Again, I am saying these things to myself first, because I'm still trying to figure this out and work past my own fears. But that's just it. So many of us use this excuse of solely living out our faith without verbally sharing it not because that is what we have been called by God to do, but because we are afraid to do otherwise. It is fear that motivates our silence, not faith.
But let me back up. Though I began with much this same evangelistic strategy, I have noticed more and more the prevalence of the same method among Christians in my life, and with each encounter I have become increasingly troubled by it. Especially as I have moved into leadership roles where I worked with youth much like my younger self. For years now these statements of living a silent gospel have grated at my heart, causing me to be simultaneously frustrated with these young people and angry with myself for living the same way. This weekend part of this issue finally clicked.
I was listening to a radio program where a group of young Christians were talking about various things in life. Suddenly one of the young ladies used the phrase, "I feel like more people are going to notice me just for being different." My mental response--and again, this is me talking to myself, not necessarily this young lady--was, "what makes you think so many people are interested in how you live your life? Why do you think everyone is watching you?"
The answer probably stems back to standard paranoia. They are always watching...
But seriously, what is it about this bloggy, vloggy, twitter infested, facebook wallpapered culture that makes us think that so many people are so closely scrutinizing our lives that we don't have to be overt about what really matters?
I'm not saying it is time to go out and do some Bible bashing among the heathen. James tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. But God doesn't tell us to be silent about his good news. There should be balance in everything. We must live love, but we must also speak truth. The two are not mutually exclusive. They both originate from God. They are two parts of the same thing, and we see them beautifully unified in the life of Jesus.
We have the most wonderful news in all the world. Why do I find it so hard to talk about? I'm still trying to figure out how to have those conversations. I pray that God would give me the wisdom to know how and when, the boldness to step out, and the love for others that would drive me to break through my fears and to speak in faith.

The Voice of God

Children can be humorous creatures. They can also be treacherous, back-stabbing, tattle-tales. Just the other day in one of my younger classes there was a moment during instruction when one of my delightful, little students decided to make a sudden, though brief, outburst. The incident was not surprising. However, the response of the other students did catch my attention. One of the students in particular felt the need to immediately point at the offender either to assist in the investigation or to avoid any accusations in his direction. I gently informed my finger flinging friend that it wasn't his job to point fingers, and that I have very good hearing and knew exactly who had created the sudden din. Then I turned to the entire class and--so as to inspire a healthy, though not dangerous, fear--said, "as a music teacher I have very good hearing."
As if other teachers aren't scary enough with eyes in the backs of their heads, music teachers are even more terrifying. When standing with their back to the class, they can not only tell when something is afoot, they can also tell who is involved, what they are planning, whether or not they have a cold, what pitch they are speaking, and how much milk they had on their cereal for breakfast. Yes, there is a difference between cold-voice and dairy-voice. Fear the ears.
Of course I understand that there are a great many people beyond music teachers who have impressive hearing abilities. It is incredible the way God made our aural systems to differentiate and identify sounds. How many of you even need caller ID when a friend or family member calls? I mean to identify them, not screen them. That's another issue entirely that you should probably stop avoiding.
Our ears can enjoy our favorite songs. They can pick voices out of a crowd. They can differentiate frequencies. They can detect a vibrating phone in luggage on the third night of camp when campers were supposed to turn in their phones on the first day. (It was his mom calling. Parents, we call that enabling. Unless you're doing it to get them caught. In that case we call it team work!)
Even with all the voices my brain has heard and catalogued over the years it is still capable of differentiating and identifying a crazy number of voices. (Now if I could just remember their names.) But one area in which my ears don't seem to be much help is identifying the voice of God.
When Jesus was describing his relationship to his disciples in the Gospel of John (chapter 10) he said that he was the good shepherd and they were the sheep. Once you get past the sting of realizing just how stupid sheep are, you realize that the comparison is rather fitting. The good shepherd looks after and takes care of the sheep even when things get dangerous; even when the sheep wander off into foolish situations...again...for the hundredth time. The good shepherd is always there, and will always fight for the good of his sheep. More than that, Jesus tells us that the good shepherd knows each of the sheep by name (why shepherds were naming each of their sheep back then, I don't know), and that the sheep know his voice.
My understanding is that in those days it was not uncommon for shepherds to use a community sheep pen at night so that the sheep wouldn't wander off and the shepherds could help each other keep watch and protect the sheep. Just imagine what it would be like in the morning to have to sort out the various flocks. I would think it could take all morning if it weren't for the ability of sheep to identify their shepherd's voice. Every morning the shepherd would call, and his sheep would hear and follow him to green pastures and calm waters. "When he has brought out all his own," Jesus says, "he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice."
What a beautiful picture! There is only one problem. As finely tuned as my ears are, I have never heard the physical voice of God. It's all fine and dandy for the sheep to hear a shepherd, but how are we supposed to hear and know the voice of God? The question was recently put to me in these terms, "How are we supposed to differentiate the voice of God from the voice of the world around us?" This is a crucial question, because Jesus goes on to explain that there are other players at work than just the shepherd and the sheep. There is a thief. He comes with one trifold purpose: steal, kill, and destroy. If we aren't listening to the good shepherd, then we are following the thief. So how can we tell the difference?
The entire situation can become paralyzingly frightening, but don't fear. It is not as impossible as the enemy wants us to think. Jesus has already assured us that the sheep know his voice, and the shepherd knows the sheep. God knows each and every one of us intimately. He knows how best to communicate with each of us. To make things even more clear, He has given us His own words in the scriptures, the Bible. If you're not sure which voice is His, then read what He has written. His voice and his heart fill the text. With all the voices vying for our attention in this world it can be easy to tune out God's voice. So what if we spent more time reading the Bible than we do reading the news (or facebook, twitter, reddit, pinterest, etc.)?
But why stop there. God is not an impersonal god who can only be heard through written text. Like the bleating sheep who is lost and trapped, we can call out to God, and he hears us. The best way I have discovered to get to know someone's voice is by spending time with them and talking with them. God tells us time and again to come to Him with anything and everything that weighs on our hearts and minds. Bring Him your cares and concerns, and bring Him your joys and thanksgiving. Then, as in any conversation, we need to quiet ourselves and listen. I don't know about you, but that can be the hardest part for me. I still want to do it, because I want to be sure I hear Him when He has something to say. 
We may not be able to hear God with our ears, but we can rest assured knowing that we do not worship a silent God. Our God is not a mute idol or a cold text. Ours is the God who spoke creation into existence. His words formed the mountains, the oceans, and the stars. And He is still speaking today. He is the good shepherd, and the sheep know His voice, and follow Him.

The World Has One Rule

Here we are enjoying another relaxing Sunday afternoon. Per my general routine, I found myself revisiting a movie from my small (but oh, so good) collection while eating a delicious lunch (today it was leftover pasta with ground beef in a red sauce). The cinematic selection was a philosophical film from 1979 called The Frisco Kid. In this comedic clash of cultures a Jewish rabbi from Poland named Abram (played by Gene Wilder) ventures across the United States to deliver a Torah to a new synagogue in 1850's San Francisco. The rabbi is obviously out of his element when Tommy--a scruffy looking bank robber, played by Harrison Ford--meets up with him. Tommy offers help a little at a time until next thing you know the two are trudging through the snow of the Rocky Mountains.
It is at this point in the film where I encountered a line that had in the past only been a humorous jab, but today packed more of a poignant punch. The unlikely amigos are bedding down in a stable when Tommy suggests staying put for a few months to wait out the bad weather. Abram insists that too much time has been wasted already, and Tommy gets flustered because some of that time has been due to Abram's strict adherence to the Sabbath.
For those who don't know, God commanded the people of Israel to not work on the Sabbath--what we would call Saturday--and because of this the Jews made a lot of rules to ensure that no work would occur on the Sabbath. Among the rules is a statute forbidding them from riding on the Sabbath. They won't ride a train or a horse...though I wonder how Abram managed to cross the ocean without jumping overboard for a Saturday swim.
Here comes the part that caught my attention. Abram reminds Tommy that it is against his religion to ride on a Saturday. To which, Tommy replies, "I got me a new religion too! And one of the things you ain't allowed to do is die!"
I don't know how many times growing up I heard my Dad say, "if you want to get rich, start a new religion." So the notion of Tommy inventing a new religion so that he could get what he wanted was just another comical gesture...until today. This time as I was enjoying my afternoon amusement I realized that Tommy was stating the most important tenet of the most religious majority of people in this world; Thou shalt not die.
We were discussing this very thing in Sunday school this morning as we considered the implications of a creator of all things. If there is a creator of all things, then there is a God and it is not me. He is the one who determines the how and the why. He sets the standard of morality, righteousness, and justice. He makes things as they are and I have no place trying to make them anything other than what he created.
However, if there is not a creator of all things, then the only god in my world is me. There is no higher authority unless I submit myself to some other thing. I say what is right and wrong. I say what should and shouldn't be. I can look at what is and find no qualms in spending a great deal of time, effort, and resources in making it other than what it is. There is no standard that really matters. If I can do something, why shouldn't I?
Though there is a problem with being god. If I am god, then my story ends with god dying. Therefore, we as gods need one rule; you're not allowed to die. And we have tried to follow that rule. Countless resources and man-hours--nay, man-lives--have been given to the search for immortality; yet to no avail. Again, if there is a God then we have no right to change what is to what was not meant to be.
Yet, age after age the world reels against the flow of time. Day after day over 150,000 people cry out, "I'm not supposed to die!" It's against their religion.
Is this all they are living for? Another day, another chance to survive the cosmic lottery. They believe that lottery is what jump-started life from a primordial ooze. But do they realize that in such a universe the lottery is still running? Only now it is not a gamble to start life, but to end it, and each day we are playing against the odds.
IF, however, there is indeed a God and creator of the universe, then our lives--each and every one of them--has meaning and a purpose. Because that means that God chose to make YOU. He didn't have to do it. It wasn't enough for this world to have me, your weird cousin, and the guy who makes sure the printer at the New York Times is running. He wanted to make you. His plan isn't complete without you having some role in it.
Our lives are not by chance. We are not just giant fruit-flies; here to pester the world for a few days while we try to eat as much as possible and lay our eggs before we die so that our descendants can continue to torment the world for ages to come. We are so much more. We are created in the image of God so that we can have a personal relationship with Him. Do you want that? I should warn you, there are no rules about not dying. But He does promise that you will live with Him forever. If you ask me, that is infinitely better.

Facing the School Year (Or Whatever Life has for You)

For the last few weeks I've been noticing summer/school countdowns and first-day-of-school pics galore on social media. My schools started classes this last Wednesday, and I am psyched! People keep asking, "how were the first few days of classes?" And let me tell you, they have gone really well...once we got past all the groaning...oh yeah, and the kids were groaning too. Seriously though, I get excited when school starts because these students are what I live for. I certainly need a break from teaching by the time we get to summer, but I really miss my kids during those months. So by the time we reach the first day of school I am way too excited for my students to handle. They are still in the process of mourning the end of summer. I get that. 
This could be a post about "New Beginnings," but it's not. As I have begun this new school year (which is really the only kind of year that has meant anything to me, and I don't understand why we are still following that calendar Gregory gave us) I've been thinking a lot about the purpose of the year. If you are going to start something, there should be a reason. There may be times in your life when you need to start small things--like hobbies--just for the sake of doing something with your time, but most things you begin should have meaning in their future. No one starts school just to collect thirteen or fourteen first-day-of-school pictures. No one starts a job for the sake of saying they showed up on their first day of work (or at least no one should start a job for that reason). No one--or should I sadly say "very few"--gets married just for the sake of having a wedding. No one climbs Mt. Everest just so they can hang out at the base camp. I want to start this year of school with a purpose; a goal to be achieved; a challenge to overcome.
The scary thing about starting with a purpose, however, is that you then start looking into the future--an unknown realm of mystery, tragedy, suspense, and horror...okay I'll stop listing movie genres. If there is a goal, a purpose, or a challenge, that means you are looking down the line to something that must be accomplished over some period of time. These are very vague terms so please allow me to apply a concrete parallel. To begin a school year with purpose means that you have just set a goal that is to be accomplished over the period of--and no less than--nine months. (Now that I put it in those terms I have that much more respect for mothers. God bless you all.) A goal that big seems near impossible when viewed from the skewed perspective of today. It's no wonder the kids are bemoaning the end of summer. They are viewing the next nine months from the singular moment of today. That is both terrifying and demoralizing. 
How is a person supposed to maintain his sanity with so many syllabi hanging over his head; not to mention all the social, athletic, and community events on the calendar. Add to that the unknown sick days, appointments, family vacations, and all the work that has to be done at home and...I'm so overwhelmed by the thought of it that I don't even know how to finish that sentence. 
That's why I have to stop myself at times and remember a few key things:
1) You don't finish a marathon by believing you have what it takes to make it to the end. You finish by believing you have what it takes to take one more step. (Maybe there are some crazy people out there who finish marathons an entire marathon at a time. Kudos to you. I would have to push forward one step at a time.)
I can remember numerous times in college when I would look at my calendar of assignments, my calendar of events, and my work schedule (which was actually the same as the calendar of events in my case) and I would be overwhelmed by how much needed to be accomplished in the short time I had. The only thing I could do was pray that God would help me to do the best that I could, and then dig in my heals to do it. I prioritized my assignments and used my time as best I could without burning myself out (seriously, I made it all the way through college without a single all-nighter). 
You can't do everything today that needs to be done in a year. All you can do is what needs to be done today. Jesus tells us, "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matt. 6:34). So seek the source of all life, energy, and wisdom, and take the next step; just the next one.
2) While life should be lived with purpose, God reserves the right to have alternate purposes for you. 
To use the same example from college, all that work laid out in front of me held behind it the looming threat of failing courses, losing scholarships, and ultimately flunking out of school. My great consolation was in knowing that I was where God wanted me to be, and doing what God wanted me to do. And even in the midst of all the studies and events, I tried (not always perfectly) to make sure that I was still pursuing my relationship with him. With those things in mind I knew that as long as I was doing my best in his strength, things would turn out the way that he wanted. Of course, I also kept in mind that it was a perfectly viable possibility that what God would want at some point could be that I flunk out of college (he has done crazier things). I wasn't going to work toward that end. But I also wasn't going to worry myself to death over something that--should it still happen even after doing everything I could to succeed--could still be God's plan for my life. 
Of course that possibility never became reality, but it's amazing how much worry you lose when you consider the "worst case" scenario and realize that--though unpleasant--it would still be okay as long as you still have God with you. Which brings me to my final reminder.
3) God is always there. And God always cares. 
Though his plan may be different, he still understands our dreams and ambitions better than anyone else. He knows how much they mean to us, and he knows how hard it can be to let them go. He also knows how daunting our goals can be to pursue. He knows just what we need to accomplish the task, and he can give it to us. There is one catch. He only ever promises to give us what we need for today (if we ask). Sure, there are plenty of ways in which he has provided more than we need for the day, but they are not guaranteed. To help us understand this mindset Jesus told his disciples to pray not for an abundance that would firmly establish them until their dying day, but only for the daily bread. God knows that one day's bread isn't enough to accomplish all that he has planned for your life. But he also knows that one day's bread is all that you need right now to accomplish what he has planned for your life today. 
He also knows that when we have "everything we need" we do two things: want more, and forget about him. When the Israelites were wandering in the dessert, God gave them everything they needed when they needed it. He even kept their clothes and shoes from wearing out...for FORTY YEARS! What did they do? Complain for God to provide them with the latest fashions and some new Nikes...or maybe it was food. Oh yeah, they complained for some more food.  They forgot everything he had done for them and focused on how much more they could have. It only got uglier from there. But God never abandoned them. Not really.
With these three reminders in place, as I look at all that I hope to accomplish in this most purposeful year before me I don't have to panic. No, God hasn't already provided everything that I need to make this year a success. But that's okay because he has provided everything I need to make today a success. More than that, he has provided himself. He has provided his Son to give me  life and guarantee my future. And he has provided his constant, caring presence in my life. And he is sufficient in all things. 
Here's to a new year. May God be glorified!

What Are You Waiting For?

What does a writer do when he doesn't feel like writing? He writes, of course. I can't recall the number of times I have set out to put words together in some informative or otherwise meaningful manner--whether for school or for leisure--yet have found myself without words, concepts, nor desire to write. It is a common condition known as "writer's block."
It seems that the writer's worst enemy is a blank page. Unless the writer comes to the page with a distinct idea in mind, there is every chance that no idea will be forth coming. And so I find myself sitting in front of the computer for minutes on end trying to think of something...anything to write.
They say that the best solution for writer's block is to simply put words on the page. It doesn't have to be the beginning. It doesn't have to even be words that will be included in the final draft. The key is to break the illusion of the blank page and to prime the creative pump with some form of cognitive juices. for this reason I have written numerous papers starting from the middle. I even had an early phase in my blogging where I began several of my posts with absolutely ridiculous and unrelated stories. I enjoyed the nonsense so much that they usually survived the final edit.
The key to moving forward in writing when nothing comes readily to mind is to simply write. Throw words out. Do something!
I find the same can be true of life. Many of us find ourselves in situations where we think we should be doing something, and we want to do something, but we don't know what we are supposed to do? How many people actually know what they want to do as soon as they graduate high school. Some even make it through college and still have no clue what comes next. People have lost their jobs only to lose their sense of direction in life. Other situations might not be as dire, yet are still directionaly frustrating. What church should I attend? How should I help others in my community? What does God want me to do right now?!
James tells us that he who knows what to do and doesn't do it, to him it is sin. But what are we supposed to do when we don't know what to do? I don't know. Those are the moments in life where all I can say is the following.
How is my relationship with God? Am I seeking him? Am I following him? Am I spending time in prayer with him and in his word? Do I find myself turning to him or to myself in the situations of my day? What fruit is my life producing? Do I live as though my life comes from him? I'm not looking for perfection in my life, but I am looking for evidence of connection to his life.
If I'm not connected, that is the first thing I need to address. I then know what I need to be doing. If I am connected, I look at the opportunities God has placed around me. Most of us want to know what to do with the big picture of our lives, but much of the time the important things happen in the little pictures of our lives. God has a lot to tell us in his word about how we are to live with and care for our family, our neighbors, our friends, and even our enemies. When I look at the relationships--good or bad--that God has surrounded me with, I can know what I am supposed to be doing. Life is full of opportunities and choices. Some of them are not as grey as we would like to think.
After considering those things I then ponder this: If my delight is in the Lord, what desires has he placed on my heart that match his heart? I can remember thinking as a kid that I could never say that I was never going to become a missionary, because then God would make me a missionary. As if God's great desire was to make us miserable and watch us squirm as we reluctantly, but submissively obey him. I guess the last laugh is on me because instead I kept saying that I would never become a teacher.
Over the years, however, I have come to realize that God can and does actually put desires in us that he wants us to go for. I was stuck for so long on the idea of NOT doing what I wanted to do because that would be selfish. Come to find out some of those wants are built into us by God. So what do I want to do? And does it line up with what God says he is about?
Beyond that, there are so many decisions in life that are not "yes" or "no," but are "yes" and "yes." When Robert Frost told us that the road he took made all the difference he didn't say he took the better road. He said it was less traveled, though it really looked about the same. He said he took one and it made a difference. Every choice will bring you to a different destination, but that doesn't make it better or worse. Yes, there are some roads God does not want us to take, and some that he most definitely does. But there are plenty of times when we come to a fork in the road and God just wants us to take it. Do something! If you are connected to him and following his word and his voice, he can use any combination of decisions that you make to accomplish great things. But if you're just standing still, staring at a blank piece of paper, and waiting for some divine revelation to dictate what you should have for breakfast to start your day, you won't get anywhere.
The best part comes when we live our lives connected to God and just doing things as they come, and then it happens. God finally gives us a clear direction. It doesn't minimize the importance of the work we do and the way we live every other day, but it is rather exciting. Don't wait for that moment though. Live today. Put some words on the page.
See? Look at all those words I just wrote. Just do something!

The Problem With Comparison

Sometimes you get to the end of another week and you look back and ask yourself, "what happened this week that would be worth telling anyone about?" Yourself, being the moderately insane person that he is, answers back, "hmmmm...nope. Nothin' here." Oh, sure, you did a number of things over the week, and you accomplished a lot, but not a bit of it seems particularly note worthy.
It's in those moments that you start to ask yourself, "if I was *talkative friend who shall not be named*, what part of my week would I be communicating right now?" But because you just aren't one of those people who tend to be able to talk about anything at any time you think for a moment introspectively and respond, "...still got nothing."
Let's be honest folks. Not every day is an apple-pie-sepia-filter-instagram day. There are times when these days, weeks, and occasionally months can feel rather disconcerting. I like to use Facebook because it gives me a way to stay connected to people I care about. But Facebook--and many other forms of social media--comes with side-effects. Many of us already know that the tendency is to post the better portions of our lives online, or to dress up the average bits so that they sparkle like the new snapchat filter. And why wouldn't we? Who wants to hang their dirty laundry out for the world to see? It's not entirely a bad thing. In fact some of us could use even more discretion when it comes to what we post online. (Why would a potential employer need to call your references when you've already painted a clear image of your immaturity and total lack of responsibility in your last three party posts?)
But for the most part we see the good stuff. And there is nothing wrong with good stuff. I see happy babies, and proud spouses, and world travelers, and upset babies, and accomplished kids, and goofy babies, and weddings, and anniversaries, and poopy babies, and graduations, and delicious meals, and growing babies, and hilarious antics, and people coming together, and round bellies carrying babies (seriously people, SO many babies!). There are so many wonderful and exciting things happening in the lives of people that I care about. As wonderful as that is for them (and I'm very happy for you all), it can become discouraging and generate discontentment in my own life.
Your life from this side of the screen looks fantastic, and so does his, and hers, and theirs, and hers... Soon the voice of doubt and discouragement slips in. Too bad your life isn't that exciting. Why don't you get to do those things? What's wrong with you? Then the Ifonly monster tries to defend you, but tears you up in the process. If only I lived in that area...If only I was in this relationship...If only I had those skills...If only...
Before long you have generated a thousand reasons for dropping the life you have now and picking up the life that your friends are living. Or are they?
Let's take a look at the numbers. I have (some of you will laugh at this, I don't care) 350 "friends" on Facebook. If those people take turns so that only ten people post positive portrayals of their lives every day (in one post or five, it doesn't matter) it would be an entire month before any one of those friends would need to have another good day to post. One good day a month is all it would take. Some of you probably have over 1,000 friends. Your friends could have one good day every three months and that would be sufficient to generate a state of discontent. Does that really sound like a better life?
I know that isn't how things actually work. But it isn't too far from the reality. I see plenty of negative posts about people's struggles, frustrations, accidents, tragedies, worries, and losses. Does that ever factor into my negative self-talk? Nope! Your life still looks generally better from all the way over here. Ipso facto, your life is better than mine.
Actually, this is not a 21st century phenomenon. Paul didn't live anywhere near the time of Twitter, but he still had to remind Christians several times in multiple geographic areas that envy and jealousy were not products of a healthy walk with Christ. On the contrary, he tells us that love--a product of a Spirit filled life--does not envy. He says that he has found a way to be content in any situation. We're not talking about contentment that is a resigned and bitter settling for less, because in the same letter Paul keeps pounding at the drum of "rejoice in the Lord always!" He tells us that our lives are to be marked with thankfulness, and there are a plethora of reasons to be thankful at any given moment.
So let's be honest. Not every day is a #nofilter day. Most days would seem in passing to be ordinary; maybe even ho-hum. Other days can be outright unpleasant or even horrendous. But some days are wonderful. And even when they aren't, each day is a unique creation of God, and is full of blessings for which we can be thankful and even rejoice. His mercies are new every morning. No day is without purpose. No life is without purpose. Don't give up on yours so easily. God made it extra special, and there isn't another like it in its unique beauty.

Is Time on Your Side?

Why do you think it is that God created us to be so hopeful and imaginative about our futures, but then only gives us enough time, energy, and resources to accomplish a small fraction of what we imagine? Every summer I run into this problem. I start the summer with such great ambitions and intentions and before you know it August is rolling around and I haven't started three quarters of what I had hoped to accomplish. This summer I was sure that I had set the bar reasonably; not too much, all doable, easily paced out over two-and-a-half months. I would say I've accomplished half of it, but that other half is going to be a doozy to pack into the next two weeks. How does this happen?!
I don't fault God for any of it. He created us to be creative. He gave us interests and ambitions so that we would enjoy moving forward in our creativity and efforts. And he does need to give us some parameters to abide by so that we don't go too crazy and try to build a skyscraper up to the heavens (like those guys I mentioned last week). Some of our ideas might seem great, but really should not be allowed to take form.
Can you imagine what it would be like to encounter the perfect summer (a la Phineas and Ferb), wherein you accomplish everything you could possibly imagine? What would you do after that? What's the point any more?
"What should we do this summer?"
"We could visit the miniature swamp volcanoes of the south Peruvian islands."
"Nah, we did that last summer."
The perfect summer can only possibly be followed up by the least interesting summer of all time. That's just the way we're wired. Oh, sure, we can still have a great summer. But there will always be something more to try for next year. It's like every comedian knows, you always end the show while they're still laughing; leave them wanting more. And as long as we are on this earth we will always find ourselves coming just short of being satisfied.
There will never be enough time. There will never be enough money, food, friends, adventures, or accomplishments. There will never be enough because we weren't built to be satisfied by anything on this planet or in this universe. We were built to enjoy it, certainly. But we were not intended to find our fulfillment in it. That we can only find in one place; a relationship with Jesus Christ, our creator and savior.
Ultimately, that is what God wants for us. So why should he give us unlimited resources to match our seemingly unlimited imagination? Just look at those people who seem to have it all. Do they appear satisfied in their accomplishments. Last I checked those people were generally miserable and still scrambling for more time. Think about it. Ashley Montagu explained it well when she said, "The idea is to die young as late as possible." They are all striving for immortality on earth. Even the wealthy don't have enough time.
But do you know who has all eternity? It's those crazy people who rather than pursuing fame and fortune have chosen to follow Jesus. That's what I'm banking on. My summer may be coming to an end, but that's okay because I have all the time in eternity to dream up more crazy projects and adventures.
It's not an exclusive club either. Anyone can join, but there is only one way in and there is a deadline. Jesus told his disciples, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." He is the only place to find true fulfillment and complete satisfaction for all eternity.
And on that note, I guess I'm okay with summer coming to an end so soon. Now where did I put my scarf and gloves?

Why Is Communication So Hard?

Our world seems to be suffering from a communication breakdown. It permeates every facet of life from the personal level to the global. This communication breakdown can be traced back thousands of years to a unique incident. It was a wonderful time; a veritable utopia wherein all people spoke the same language and managed to work together toward a common goal. It would have been a perfect society except that their common goal was the obsoletion of God and the deification of man. Seriously though, it wouldn't have ended well. So God stepped in.
He recognized that if we were left to our own devices we could accomplish anything. Sounds great, right? I mean, that's what we keep telling our kids. The problem that God recognized was that the "anything" that we would choose to accomplish would have been horribly wrong and ultimately very bad for all parties involved.
So what does God do? Of course, he scrambles our communication systems. We know that God suddenly caused people to speak in different languages so that no one would understand anyone else. It would all sound like senseless babble. Kind of like when you listen to a talkative baby, or watch anime in the original language (I don't get it guys! The English dub might be a little over the top, but it's usually just as good, and you don't miss anything in the captions when you step away to grab your popcorn out of the microwave. Can't we all just get along?). Everyone was confused, and all production was ceased. People began spreading out (as God had told them to in the first place). It was probably not the solution I would have come up with, but I must say it was an effective strategy. Well played, God. Well played.
But I'm beginning to wonder, what if a change in languages wasn't the only thing that God did to human kind that day? What if God scrambled our entire communication system. Because communication is so much more than just speaking words in a known language and hearing words in a known language. There are senders, receivers, filters, encoding, decoding, and probably some steps that I'm forgetting right this moment. Even if God had left us all with the same language, but messed with just our encoding and decoding systems, we would be able to get...well, kind of where we are today.
Every day we produce statements that make perfect sense to us. Yet the people we are talking to seem to get the entire idea backwards or off in left field.
Part of the issue is that we sometimes use words with an intended meaning that is not inherent in the words themselves. Example: I know a guy whom I will refer to as "Reginald". When I am talking with Regy and he is explaining something to me he will periodically ask the question, "do you know what I mean?" For years I would answer based on my perceived understanding of what he was trying to communicate. If I thought I understood his intent, I would say "yes". If I was confused, I would say "no". It wasn't until more recently that I discovered the true meaning behind Regy's question. He wasn't really asking whether or not I understood what he meant. What he was actually asking was whether or not I agreed with his line of thinking. So now when I talk with Reginald and he asks, "do you know what I mean?" I will answer with a more clear, "yes, I know what you mean, but I don't/and I do agree with you."
These kinds of miscommunications have been damaging marriages for centuries (probably millennia). They are so common--especially when the encoding and decoding takes place across the gender filter--that comedians have been banking on these misunderstandings for quite some time. It's a regular Amelia Bedelia circus. What's even better is that we know we have this problem--we can even laugh about it if we have a healthy perspective on life--yet we still manage to get so incredibly frustrated when we find ourselves in those very same situations. I've been there. Some times I will even have enough presence of mind to realize that I am not actually communicating my message, but I still won't be able to find the right words to make my point. We can try, and try, and try again, and it still might not click all the way through to the other person.
What if that is part of what God did on that infamous day at the Tower of Babel? As if to say, "I'm going to make them all talk in different languages, but just in case they try to come back around to a more unified means of communication I will also jumble their sense of meaning as well...for good measure. That should keep them in line for a while." Boy howdy, did it ever! If there was ever any concern that we might all actually work agreeably together, it was taken care of right there and then. We've been at each others' throats ever since.
Just imagine with me for a moment if our tongues were graced with all the fruit of the spirit. What if every word from our mouths (which Jesus tells us is simply the overflow of the heart; in other words, the spiritual condition of our heart shapes our speech) was produced from a spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? What would happen if we allowed the Holy Spirit to encode our words? Rather than getting frustrated with others when they don't understand us, what if instead we recognized our own short-comings in understanding others, and showed grace and love to those around us?
There is no guarantee that all communication would become perfect because there is still a matter of the receiver requiring the Holy Spirit to decode the message. We can only do our part; we cannot dictate the actions and understandings of others. But we can show grace.
Lord, how can I use my words this week to show and share your love and grace to others?

Coming Home

Two thousand four hundred.
That is how many miles I have driven in the last nine days. I just got back from a trip home to visit family and friends. It was a week of fun, work, parties, and shenanigans. Oh, and lots of babies. Babies are the new trend. Babies and Pokemon Go. Who knew?!
The weird thing about returning to your hometown, where your family still lives in the same house and most of your friends from the area are still there, is that it feels like home. So, I went home for a visit, but when the visit was over I came back home. How does that work?
I've encountered this phenomenon before. I call it the home-away-from-home complex. No, the land-of-Oz syndrome. That's not it either. How about time-share mentality? Okay, I don't know what to call it, but the crux of the matter is that you live with a sense of having multiple homes. Researchers have yet to discover how this phenomena occurs (says the guy who has done zero research to see if that is even true), but I have a few theories.
My first theory is the spacial imprint theory. The basic idea is that because of various life experiences a location becomes emotionally imprinted on your brain in a way that draws you back time and again. These "home" locations are the geographical stages of primarily fond or formative moments in life. Some times these places take years to imprint while others take only a  moment. I even have friends who have visited other countries for a couple days yet created such fond memories that they continue to live the rest of their lives feeling as though a part of them is meant to go back. Then there are those unfortunate few who, because of life circumstances, are never given the opportunity to develop a fond connection with any location. They go about their lives with no point of connection, and no sense of permanence or home.
Under this theory the sense of multiple homes can be compared to possessing multiple real estate investments.  You have your modest house in the suburbs, your beach home in Santa Cruz, and your penthouse in Manhattan. They are all yours even though you are not always at each location.
My second theory involves parallel dimensions, string theory, and a quasi deja vu sixth sense. I won't go into that here.
My final stab in the dark is the relational connection theory. This hypothesis suggests that it is not the location at all, but the people who make a place feel like home. Similar to the spacial imprint theory, the relational connections are formed through positive or formative experiences. Family tends to be a common theme when defining home because in most situations people are surrounded by family (parents, siblings, cousins, etc.) through many of the most formative years of life. For some people home is defined by friends because those are the people with whom they connected during those pleasant and important moments.
The great thing about this theory is that "home" can be anywhere. It can be confusing and frustrating at times because you can't visit all of "home" in one summer (not on a music teacher's budget anyway). However, "home" eventually comes around to a beautiful conflux of family and friends when we all gather together around the throne of God to praise and adore him. You see, no matter how many "homes" I develop on this world, I will never truly feel as though I have come home until that day when I see my Lord and King and kneel before his throne lifting my voice in worship to the one who created me, rescued me, and gave me eternal life. That is my real home.
Paul reminds us of where we belong when he says, "you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God" (Ephesians 2:19). At other times Paul describes us as "sojourners" which are people who are just passing through a location as they travel to their final destination. And as he describes how we ought to live among unbelievers he tells us, "our citizenship is in heaven" (Philippians 3:20), which is to say that we belong to another country with another law and code and another way of life. Even these frail and flawed bodies are described as "tents"; temporary dwellings which we will one day cast aside as we are given our eternal and glorified bodies.
I hope you will be there on that day. It makes all the difference even in this life. 
Now as I settle back into my comfortable living space and my wonderful community, into this place that I call "home", I can know that even this feeling of coming home is just a shadow of what I will experience on that great and glorious day when I meet my Savior face to face and he tells me, "welcome home."

Complaining Is Not the Answer; It's the Problem

I like to learn new things. New experiences and especially new skills are high on my list of interests. When given an opportunity to learn a new skill that has potential future value, I am almost certain to jump at it. That is why I was more than willing to join the construction crew on my principal's house.
I've had my hand in a few remodeling and construction endeavors over the years. Yet,  there is always more to learn, and--so long as I am paying attention--I can only improve with practice. So of course I said yes. After spending nine months in a classroom doing musical calisthenics (because I am convinced that my students think I'm waving my arms around for my health) I need a change of pace and a new challenge.
And that brings me to where I am today, one month into the project and...holding a bad attitude.
Where did that come from?!
It's hard to say exactly how these grubby worms of internal nastiness come to exist, but there comes a time when your can of worms spills over into a five gallon bucket that everyone can smell. I must admit that when I think back on the proceedings of the last two months I can easily trace the origins and maturation of these negative emotions. Even before we started the project I was looking forward to being done. Yes, I want the work. Yes, I want the experience. However, there are a number of other things I want to be able to focus my time and energy on right now and in the future. Even the faint whispers of other opportunities and projects gives rise to a revolt inside my mind. If there is something else that I want to be doing but I can't do at this time, a part of me will probably blame whatever it is that I am actually doing. Some times it makes sense; not always. But it's too late. The water has been poisoned, and my attitude is in jeopardy.
Next thing you know I start making comments; little statements of discontent; small grumblings. Any talk of extending the wait or any additional inconvenience becomes a mounting catastrophe; an insurmountable injustice.
Now, I know that there are many of you who will not understand this progression of frustration because you don't live in the same world as me. You don't walk through life with the same cares and concerns. And that is just fine. We each have our own burdens to bear. But I know that I am not alone in this. I have met others with similar personalities and common struggles. Additionally, Paul makes it rather clear that there are others like me when he tells us to knock it off:

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world." (Philippians 2:14-15)

You don't have to scroll very far through your facebook feed to find some complaint about something. My job is too hard. My family isn't fair. Our government is wrong about this issue. I don't like my hair. McDonalds put pickles on my burger! If I am going to shine in this world, if I am to stand out from the crowd in a positive way, I must take control of my complaints.
Are there legitimate things to complain about? Absolutely. There are plenty of real issues involving actual injustices and moral degradation. Yet even in these areas there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to air these grievances. But if I allow my life to become a continual rant on the minor irritations of my ever-so-important life, I will not shine the light of God's truth, love, and life in this dark, complaining world.
The fact of the matter is, I know from whence most of these complaints come. They do not come from God. There is another force at work in our world, and he wants us to keep our focus on ourselves. He wants us to develop a mentality wherein we are the most important element of our universe, and our individual desires and comforts are to be the top priority. Jesus also tells us that this other force is out for three things: to steal, kill, and destroy. By encouraging our complaining he effective steals our joy; he kills our eternal life which is found by abiding in God; and he destroys our hope of finding true satisfaction, peace, and purpose in God. By instigating a campaign to improve our own lives, Satan sets us on a course to ruin our own lives.
What makes it worse is that it doesn't stop with me. Complaining is contagious. When we are in an atmosphere of grumbling it can be very hard to keep from grumbling ourselves. I witnessed this first-hand at camp. I was a part of a college-age summer staff wherein we all signed up to serve knowing full well that it involved a lot of hard and dirty work (think 50 toilets weekly and you might begin to understand a portion of the challenge). Within three weeks our summer staff community had already developed a blatantly verbalized distaste for all work that involved restrooms, dish rooms, vacuums, bedrooms, and actually waking up in the morning. We complained about it, and we commiserated over it, and we made ourselves miserable.
Somewhere around week five I finally had a revelation. Didn't I sign up for this? I've done this before and chose to come back for another summer of this exact work. I wanted to come here to serve. Why am I complaining about having to serve? It wasn't easy to change my gut reactions and my perspectives on the work with all the negative talk around me, but I was able to salvage much of the summer. More importantly, I was able to serve with a willing heart and even enjoy it.
So here I am, a month into the summer, doing work that I wanted to do, and I find myself complaining.
God, I need your help to shift my attitude. Help me to seek to serve you in all that I do. Help me to rejoice in you always. Help me to live a life of gratitude in all situations. And help me to share your joy, peace, life, and hope with others as I work.