Telegram For Mr. Smith

Why am I here? What am I doing? What could I be doing? What should I be doing? Where am I going? How do I get there? Who is going with me? When are they leaving? Are they coming back? How do I feel? Do I feel? Why do I not feel? Why do I feel? Where will I succeed? Where will I fail? Why do I fail? Why do I succeed? How long will this take?

I've been home from school for just short of a week now. I had my finals. Finished up the term. I learned a lot these last few months. And yes, a good deal of that learning was academic. It wasn't all parties and games.
Anyway, in this last week I have read an entire book (granted it wasn't a terribly large book), attended the Oregon Symphony, spent some time with my friends, lit off some fireworks, played some video games, and achieved a lot of sleep.
I know I've already written about this here before, but I would like to restate the fact that it isn't easy moving back after getting used to the life I have at school. Granted, it is a lot cheaper for me to live here. But when you get used to a lifestyle, especially a lifestyle that you have a great deal of control over, it's hard to move back into a lifestyle that has to leave room for six other people. I'm not complaining. I'm not stupid enough to not appreciate all that my family does for me. It isn't exactly a wonderful thing for them to have me living right in the middle of everything they are used to. My parents don't have to let me come home for the holidays. I know that I am blessed to have parents who want me to come home.

I must sound like a broken record. It seems like the main thing I tend to address is change. At least since going to college change has been a reoccurring theme. It's not something that I'm afraid of like people in the movies usually are. I grew up hearing all that stuff about how change isn't always bad, and how we often need to accept change. I don't really have a problem with change. I'm not saying that change is easy. It takes work and time to adjust to change. Some change is very painful.
I think there are three kinds of people:
Those who won't accept change; who try to fight change until they are either victorious or until they break down in defeat and frustration.
Those who make change what they want it to be; who accept the change and begin to use it to their own advantage, and for their own purpose.
And finally those who simply accept the change for what it is; who adjust their life to an extent so as to continue living their life as they were with the exception of the change.
I suppose there is a fourth category. Those who let the change determine who they should be, and how they should live; who go beyond the change anticipating the next change and in so doing possibly becoming the next change.
I don't think I would say that any of these types are always wrong. I do think that fighting an imminent change will probably only lead to defeat and frustration. If it is a change that should not be or is against ones beliefs, then there is a time to fight it. But come a certain point the change becomes fixed and there is nothing that one can do about it. In such a case probably the only thing that can be done is to separate one's self from the group or system in which the change has occurred.
I know people who are the type to make of the change what they want it to be. Though this is to an extent also the action of the final two groups I mentioned, I am thinking more of those people who see a situation and search through it for how to make the situation work completely to their own advantage. Perhaps they begin to make changes of their own so as to optimise the change that has occurred. This can be a good tactic, or it can be a bad one. It all depends on who it is and what their motivation is. If it is someone trying to establish a fascist dictatorship, then I think I would have a big problem with it. But it could very well be someone just trying to make the best of a bad--or even of a very good situation.
I would probably fall more into the third group. I'm not aggressive enough to optimise the change for my benefit. So long as it is an acceptable change (not to be confused with a painless change) I will tend to simply adjust my life so as to live with the change. Of course if I'd rather not live with the change, I would probably adjust my life so as to avoid the change altogether. There are times, however, when action should be taken to challenge the change--as I mentioned with the first group.
As for the fourth group, they aren't always bad either. Some times we call them inventors, dreamers, revolutionaries and artist. However, sometimes we call them communist leaders, occult ritualists, murderers and lunatics.
There are two sides to every coin.

The Question of DOOM-b

It's that time of year again! Yes, that wonderful time of year where you hear the one question that only you would know the answer to, except that you don't...well, if you're like me, you don't.
That question being "What do you want for Christmas?"

Whenever the question comes up (for birthdays as well) I usually don't have any clue what I want. So, as I've done in the past, I am going to put a list right here on my blog to make things easier for everyone. Easier for me because I don't have to remember it all at once, and I can add things as I remember. And easier for other people, because they don't have to put up with my dear-in-the-headlights reaction to "the question."

Let's begin:

1) A CD containing a recording of Mozart's Symphony No. 1 in E-flat major (If the CD has more Mozart or other classics, that's even better.)
2) Computer speakers--it would be cool to have a three piece set with a sub woofer and two desk speakers, but just the two desk speakers would do.
3) A metronome--preferably one that fits in my instrument case.
4) A pair of knitting needles somewhere in the size range of 5-8 US (Not 5-8 mm)
5) Dress shirts or polos are cool--Size Large
6) Clothes in general are usually good gifts. (This includes ties)
7) There is always room for you to be original. Just cause I didn't list it does not mean I won't appreciate it.
Ask yourself, what do you think I need? Maybe go with that.
But let me clarify right now, because I know some of my friends would consider this to be one of my needs. Please, do not try to find me a girlfriend for Christmas.

Term-ination

(Titles are really the only places in this blog where I can use puns.)

So, I've waited for just the perfect time to start really getting my act together. I've tried to do it a few other times, but it just didn't happen. And now, when most of the assignments are done, most of the test are taken, now that most all has been said and done about this term, now I finally start really getting things together. Though even now I will only get things together if I keep things going the way I have the last few days. There will likely be great consequences for my actions or lack-there-of. But perhaps if I figure out how to really study and do this whole school thing, perhaps I could at least make the terms to come worth the lesson learned this term. This term could still mean something.

This has been a term of
change
discovery
frustration
elation
learning
and learning to forget.

This term has forced me to take more responsibility,
and has forced responsibility on me.

This term has caused me to
think
focus
remember
appreciate
and realize how little I really know.

This term has forced me to forgive
others
and myself.

This term I have watched myself let go of old friends who are near by,
and hold on to older friends who are far away.

7 School days 'till Finals
11 Calender days

Kuh-Chunk!

Good afternoon ladies and gents. We ought to be landing in less than 4/3 of the hour, or 29 minutes. Upon take off you may feel some slight turbulence. Setting your seat to the massage setting could, however, minimize the effects. Of course there is always the off chance that this could also increase the discomfort of the ride. If you look out on the left wing you can wave at our pet monkey; we call him Jim-Jim. And if you look to your right you might notice that the entire right wing has been painted as a near exact replica of the Sistine chapel ceiling. Please enjoy your flight. And should you have the urge to smoke, feel free to step out on to the wing and enjoy our in flight movie "Gone With the Wind."

Hey Everyone! I know, it's been a while since my last post. But I'm still alive...I think...I mean, I'm still in this world. That's got to mean something.
I tell ya', it has been a really intense couple of months. What with work, and school, and everything else. I've been learning a lot. History, music, life, and self have all been major areas of learning for me this past few months. A lot of stuff--especially in the realm of history--I've heard before, but it never really meant anything to me. I didn't understand the point and why it mattered. So after hearing some of these things for the last 10 years it's finally making a little sense. Context my friend.
Work has been great. They've been giving me more and more responsibility. On the one hand, it can be pretty intense and at times frustrating. On the other hand, it's so much fun when everything works out. This job is definitely working on my focus. If I'm not paying attention to what's going on and what's coming up next, I could completely mess up the whole thing. So far I haven't run into any really big mess ups. I've had a mic feedback I think twice, but nothing too bad.
Well, I need to go practice some piano. I have keyboarding class in an hour.
Laters

Mind Over Matters

I haven't figured it out yet. Either it's too complex, or it's just too big. Or maybe it's too simple, or too small to pinpoint. Perhaps it's so minutely complex, or so simplistically massive that I can't seem to put my finger on it.
So then one might ponder, "why try?"
If there is no conceivable hope to understand, would it not be a blatant waste of time to attempt to comprehend? Is it a fool's errand? A pointless endeavor?
Why keep trying?
Because I want to know.
Curiosity is a...curious thing. (A redundant and obvious statement, I know.) It is our natural drive to know, to understand, to learn that of which we have no natural mental conception. It is this drive that causes us to pursue the unattainable. Even that which we perceive to be unattainable is only seen as such because it has not as of yet been grasped. There was a time when it was thoroughly believed by many that it was impossible for man to fly. And even as many attempted for years to achieve this goal, it was still widely considered to be entirely inconceivable; until that first flight at Kitty Hawk. Now we consider it a fact of life.
I may never figure it out. For all I know it is entirely impossible for me to comprehend.
However, I continue to try because, quite frankly, I can't think of much else better to do.

Addiction?

Here's one for all my college friends. You know who you are. I'm here for you.

http://www.wikihow.com/Quit-Facebook

We're all in this together. Together we can make a difference.

Hello? Is This Thing On?

I was wondering when I would see me around these parts again. Actually this blog is my home page, so I come here all the time. And I keep telling myself, 'self, you need to post some time soon. I mean just look at all the stuff that has happened since your last post. You have some many things you could write about.' But the response always comes back, 'your right. A lot of stuff has happened...and is still happening. In fact, I need to go work on some of that stuff right now.' So in the end, no post is made.
This has been a really rough month as far as...well, everything is concerned. I have such a packed schedule full of classes, activities--mandatory and otherwise, work, and friends. It's been really hard to keep up with everything. Actually, I haven't really been keeping up. It's been more like I'm tagging along just behind. Things will ebb and flow. I'll get ahead, and fall behind, over and over. I ended up dropping a class because there was just too much stuff. So I'm hoping that now I'll be able to get things caught up for good. I seriously think that I could stay ahead of the game. The only problem is that with my crazy schedule it will take some time to get to that point.
I was ahead of things at one point. Then one of my teachers switched things up and threw in a couple assignments. That then started a chain reaction leading to my falling right back behind.
The sad thing is that it's not just one class that I'm not catching on to. It's the lack of time spent working on every class that then leads to poor quality work in all my classes.
I'm not going to freak out though. That would only take more time and create unneeded stress. God can get me through this. Only God can get me through this well.

In other news, I'm really likin' my new job. I'm an A/V technician. I run sound for different events and chapel. Actually, I'm still in training. So I don't technically run it. So far I basically just help. But I think I'm picking things up fairly quickly. It's so much fun too. I think this job is a good fit for me. On the one hand it is a lot of work, it provides a challenge, it requires a good deal of focus. But it also doesn't involve a whole lot of social interaction. I don't say this to mean that I don't like being around people. It's just nice--as an introvert--to have some time in the day where I can step out of the social light and do something that I enjoy doing without using all the energy it takes for me to be in social situations. Sure, I work with people, but it's kind of different. It's hard to explain. Just suffice it to say, I like my job.