"The heart is deceitful above all things... Who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9).
I would like to expand upon my statement in my last post. I said, "I understand that emotions are dodgy things, and not to be entirely trusted, but they are the only reality we have experienced." First I would like to explain the fallaciousness of our emotions, then I will explain the reality within those same emotions.
I think Jeremiah explains things pretty well. The heart (the poetic seat of our emotions) is a liar. Because of our emotions we perceive things that aren't there. Emotions cause us to concoct grand explanations for behavior: for our own behavior (excuses) and for the behavior of others (gossip or conspiracy theories). Emotions filter our perception of the world, distorting and subverting reality leaving us with either a dream or a nightmare. Emotions cause us to love the imperfect, judge our peers and condemn the innocent. In short, emotions deceive us.
This is not to say that emotions are bad. I am not suggesting we go the rout of the Vulcans and purge our minds of all emotion. God created us with these emotions. Granted, they have been distorted by sin, but they can be redeemed through Christ and reshaped by the Holy Spirit. For now, however, they are broken, and we should be careful not to trust them too quickly.
That being said, there is a reality behind emotions. It is not necessarily a reality of Truth so much as it is a perceived reality. Just because feelings may produce ideas and perceptions of things that don't exist does not make the actual emotions any less real.
Emotions are real things, even if they aren't founded on reality.
I have worked at a camp for the last two summers, and when working with my campers on trust exercises and encouraging/supporting each other I tell them just that; emotions are real things. It doesn't matter if you Know that your friend is safe. If your friend Feels like he isn't safe, it's as frightening and dangerous in his mind as the real thing. You had better take the situation seriously, because he is not laughing, and he needs to be able to trust you.
On the flip side things that have no effect on our emotions what so ever can very easily be dismissed because it lacks the perception of reality. You can be inundated with the most powerful truth on earth--even the Gospel of Jesus Christ--and still miss the reality of its message if it does not affect your emotions in some way.
How we experience things through our emotional filter is the only representation we have of reality. That does not mean that our perceptions are reality (or truth). But the perceptions are real.
The tricky balance is then figuring out how to recognize and validate people's perceptions (including our own) without dumping truth out the window. This might be one of the reasons Christians are to live in community. With our various perspectives of God (as seen through the filter of scripture) perhaps we can help each other to have a more accurate perception of reality.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
...Hi......
Humor me for a minute.
Today's discussion: Outgoing and Shy people and the ability of people to have deep and personal/intimate discussion.
Most people would agree that there are two kinds of people in our society: Outgoing people and Shy people. Let me be clear--I am not talking about introverts and extroverts. There are plenty of introverts who are outgoing, social people. And there are shy, withdrawn extroverts. I am talking about people who are more or less comfortable holding up a conversation in a social setting, and those who are more or less comfortable being a non-contributing member of the conversation (or better yet, sitting just outside the conversation).
I submit that we are all the most shy people in the world. Each and every one of us has a social equivalency to the most painfully shy person of all time. I don't want to go so far as to say the most reclusive person. There would have to be a whole different line of reasoning to support that claim, and I'm not ready for that. The kind of person I am describing is still someone who is out-and-about, but resistant to social interaction. That's the kind of person that each of us is like on a certain level.
I also submit that many of us (and perhaps most) have learned or are naturally adept in the skill of surface talk. Surface talk includes all kinds of useful, fun, engaging, pointless, and some times necessary information. Let me be clear: surface talk is a natural and necessary part of social life, and is not inherently bad.
When those of us shy people (as I hope you remember we all are) who are equipped to do so employ the skill of surface talk, we generate what I would like to call an external shell. This shell is how we present ourselves to the world. Granted, it does include more than just our social conversation. One's shell is made up of everything he does in public settings: how he walks, talks, eats, dresses, carries himself, his facial expressions, how he treats people. The shell is the public image.
For the sake of this discussion I will focus on the element of the shell that pertains only to conversation: surface talk.
What is surface talk? My concept of surface talk is defined by what it is not. Surface talk is not deep. It is not personal. It does not connect with what is really going on in the person's emotional center. You can have all kinds of meaningful and life changing conversations that stem from the mental (both logical and creative) and spiritual centers of your self, but unless those topics connect to your emotional center it is all surface talk. The reason is that how we feel (our emotional response or connection) toward something is what gives us our perception of that thing's value. If it has no emotional value (positive or negative), then it is as deep and personal as talking about the weather.
I understand that emotions are dodgy things, and not to be entirely trusted, but they are the only reality we have experienced. (I would love to explain my thoughts on this topic, but I don't want to get too sidetracked.)
What do we have so far? We are all shy people. Some of us have created a social image, but underneath that image is still the shy person. If it is the surface talk that creates the shell, then what is it that the shy person inside is keeping to himself? It is the deep, emotionally connected things that we are shy about.
I would like to point out that shy people are not mute. Shy people talk. Shy people can interact, and converse, and develop relationship with other people. It just takes time and a willingness to take a chance.
The issue is not that we never share those things which have an emotional connection for us. In all reality we each operate at different levels of sharing those things with others. Some are more comfortable than others with sharing. Some just have more experience--they have taken the risk and met with a favorable outcome. Others have taken the same risk and found only pain.
What's my point? Simply put, we aren't so different, you and I. We may interact with people differently. We may have different values. We may look different, talk different, and even treat people differently. But underneath the shell--whether it's a big, outgoing, firecracker of a shell, or a meek, church-mouse, barely above the surface shell--we have things that mean something to us, and that we hold close. We have pain, wounds, scars, and infections. We have dreams, desires, and loves. We have emotions--hidden or not--like fear, anger, confusion, hurt, and joy, comfort, longing and love.
We aren't so different. At a certain level we are all shy people who want to be known and loved, but fear being known and hurt.
Today's discussion: Outgoing and Shy people and the ability of people to have deep and personal/intimate discussion.
Most people would agree that there are two kinds of people in our society: Outgoing people and Shy people. Let me be clear--I am not talking about introverts and extroverts. There are plenty of introverts who are outgoing, social people. And there are shy, withdrawn extroverts. I am talking about people who are more or less comfortable holding up a conversation in a social setting, and those who are more or less comfortable being a non-contributing member of the conversation (or better yet, sitting just outside the conversation).
I submit that we are all the most shy people in the world. Each and every one of us has a social equivalency to the most painfully shy person of all time. I don't want to go so far as to say the most reclusive person. There would have to be a whole different line of reasoning to support that claim, and I'm not ready for that. The kind of person I am describing is still someone who is out-and-about, but resistant to social interaction. That's the kind of person that each of us is like on a certain level.
I also submit that many of us (and perhaps most) have learned or are naturally adept in the skill of surface talk. Surface talk includes all kinds of useful, fun, engaging, pointless, and some times necessary information. Let me be clear: surface talk is a natural and necessary part of social life, and is not inherently bad.
When those of us shy people (as I hope you remember we all are) who are equipped to do so employ the skill of surface talk, we generate what I would like to call an external shell. This shell is how we present ourselves to the world. Granted, it does include more than just our social conversation. One's shell is made up of everything he does in public settings: how he walks, talks, eats, dresses, carries himself, his facial expressions, how he treats people. The shell is the public image.
For the sake of this discussion I will focus on the element of the shell that pertains only to conversation: surface talk.
What is surface talk? My concept of surface talk is defined by what it is not. Surface talk is not deep. It is not personal. It does not connect with what is really going on in the person's emotional center. You can have all kinds of meaningful and life changing conversations that stem from the mental (both logical and creative) and spiritual centers of your self, but unless those topics connect to your emotional center it is all surface talk. The reason is that how we feel (our emotional response or connection) toward something is what gives us our perception of that thing's value. If it has no emotional value (positive or negative), then it is as deep and personal as talking about the weather.
I understand that emotions are dodgy things, and not to be entirely trusted, but they are the only reality we have experienced. (I would love to explain my thoughts on this topic, but I don't want to get too sidetracked.)
What do we have so far? We are all shy people. Some of us have created a social image, but underneath that image is still the shy person. If it is the surface talk that creates the shell, then what is it that the shy person inside is keeping to himself? It is the deep, emotionally connected things that we are shy about.
I would like to point out that shy people are not mute. Shy people talk. Shy people can interact, and converse, and develop relationship with other people. It just takes time and a willingness to take a chance.
The issue is not that we never share those things which have an emotional connection for us. In all reality we each operate at different levels of sharing those things with others. Some are more comfortable than others with sharing. Some just have more experience--they have taken the risk and met with a favorable outcome. Others have taken the same risk and found only pain.
What's my point? Simply put, we aren't so different, you and I. We may interact with people differently. We may have different values. We may look different, talk different, and even treat people differently. But underneath the shell--whether it's a big, outgoing, firecracker of a shell, or a meek, church-mouse, barely above the surface shell--we have things that mean something to us, and that we hold close. We have pain, wounds, scars, and infections. We have dreams, desires, and loves. We have emotions--hidden or not--like fear, anger, confusion, hurt, and joy, comfort, longing and love.
We aren't so different. At a certain level we are all shy people who want to be known and loved, but fear being known and hurt.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
"According To Their Needs"
How does one go about discovering the needs of others?
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)
Okay, that's great. I'd love to do that. I would love to live in community with others in a way that cares for their needs. The trouble I have is knowing what others need. I hardly know what I need most of the time.
Why not just ask? "What do you need right now?" That's always an option. The trouble with that--as I've encountered it--is that people don't know how to respond to that question. Even those people who would respond wholeheartedly may have trouble answering. I can't blame them, since I don't know how to answer.
You can spend time with a person. Spend enough time with them and you may gain some idea of where they are at and what they need at the moment. However, superficiality can get in the way. There are a lot of people who can talk your ear off without out saying a thing about themselves. There are even people who can talk about themselves all day long without saying anything of depth what so ever.
Then there is the issue of time. When is there time to interact with each person long enough to discover his/her needs?
This is something I'm going to have to work at for the rest of my life. It is reassuring to know that it will be worth it. I've experienced that before. But it's still going to be a lot of work. That is part of the sacrifice in loving people. It isn't just about what you give or give up. It is also the work and the thought that goes into caring for and loving people...according to their needs.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)
Okay, that's great. I'd love to do that. I would love to live in community with others in a way that cares for their needs. The trouble I have is knowing what others need. I hardly know what I need most of the time.
Why not just ask? "What do you need right now?" That's always an option. The trouble with that--as I've encountered it--is that people don't know how to respond to that question. Even those people who would respond wholeheartedly may have trouble answering. I can't blame them, since I don't know how to answer.
You can spend time with a person. Spend enough time with them and you may gain some idea of where they are at and what they need at the moment. However, superficiality can get in the way. There are a lot of people who can talk your ear off without out saying a thing about themselves. There are even people who can talk about themselves all day long without saying anything of depth what so ever.
Then there is the issue of time. When is there time to interact with each person long enough to discover his/her needs?
This is something I'm going to have to work at for the rest of my life. It is reassuring to know that it will be worth it. I've experienced that before. But it's still going to be a lot of work. That is part of the sacrifice in loving people. It isn't just about what you give or give up. It is also the work and the thought that goes into caring for and loving people...according to their needs.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Motivation Vs. Action
Motivation: who needs it?
There is a lot of talk on a college campus about how motivated or unmotivated people feel at any given moment. "I've finally found my motivation in life," "This teacher is really motivating." Though more often than not it comes up in this context: "I just can't seem to get motivated to do this assignment," "Why can't I be more motivated," "I am so unmotivated right now."
I was talking with a friend the other day when she said something I hadn't thought about before. It was something along the lines of, "I just need to get motivated." The general response that came to mind was "why?" Who says that you need to be motivated in order to get something done, or even to start something. Who says that you can only work quickly, efficiently and enjoyably when motivated?
This term I have the fewest credits I have ever taken in a term of college. I never knew such a world existed; one in which there was time during the day to actually get things done, and there wasn't too much on your plate. It's incredible. I don't know what to do with myself...some times.
In these delightful pockets of time I have faced decisions. One of those decisions has been "work on homework now, or save it for later?" I can tell you there isn't a whole lot of motivation to cause me to start the homework right away. The assignment isn't due for two days. I have plenty of time to work on it later. Why not relax?
And yet, somehow I have repeatedly made the decision to start and complete my work well in advance. I have opted to use my free time to take care of those things that could have waited, but didn't need to wait.
This has caused me to think differently about motivation. Who says we need motivation? If we wait until we "get motivated" we'll never get anywhere. It's not about motivation, it's about decision. Just decide to act. Decide to live, to follow through, to take up the challenges set before you.
Taking action in spite of motivation--or lack-there-of--is nothing new. We've been doing this our whole lives. I'm simply talking about a perspective shift. We need to stop thinking in terms of motivated and unmotivated work. We need to start thinking in terms of recognizing, accepting and intentionally engaging the work laid out before us.
And think of this: James says we are to "consider it pure joy...when [we] face trials of many kinds" (1:2). There is a reason for every trial, every challenge that we face. Each one is a test. How are you going to approach them? No, they aren't easy and fun, and you may never feel motivated to keep going. However, "blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him" (James 1:12).
Make a decision. Take action, and know that you serve a God who stands by you and stands ready with your reward.
There is a lot of talk on a college campus about how motivated or unmotivated people feel at any given moment. "I've finally found my motivation in life," "This teacher is really motivating." Though more often than not it comes up in this context: "I just can't seem to get motivated to do this assignment," "Why can't I be more motivated," "I am so unmotivated right now."
I was talking with a friend the other day when she said something I hadn't thought about before. It was something along the lines of, "I just need to get motivated." The general response that came to mind was "why?" Who says that you need to be motivated in order to get something done, or even to start something. Who says that you can only work quickly, efficiently and enjoyably when motivated?
This term I have the fewest credits I have ever taken in a term of college. I never knew such a world existed; one in which there was time during the day to actually get things done, and there wasn't too much on your plate. It's incredible. I don't know what to do with myself...some times.
In these delightful pockets of time I have faced decisions. One of those decisions has been "work on homework now, or save it for later?" I can tell you there isn't a whole lot of motivation to cause me to start the homework right away. The assignment isn't due for two days. I have plenty of time to work on it later. Why not relax?
And yet, somehow I have repeatedly made the decision to start and complete my work well in advance. I have opted to use my free time to take care of those things that could have waited, but didn't need to wait.
This has caused me to think differently about motivation. Who says we need motivation? If we wait until we "get motivated" we'll never get anywhere. It's not about motivation, it's about decision. Just decide to act. Decide to live, to follow through, to take up the challenges set before you.
Taking action in spite of motivation--or lack-there-of--is nothing new. We've been doing this our whole lives. I'm simply talking about a perspective shift. We need to stop thinking in terms of motivated and unmotivated work. We need to start thinking in terms of recognizing, accepting and intentionally engaging the work laid out before us.
And think of this: James says we are to "consider it pure joy...when [we] face trials of many kinds" (1:2). There is a reason for every trial, every challenge that we face. Each one is a test. How are you going to approach them? No, they aren't easy and fun, and you may never feel motivated to keep going. However, "blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him" (James 1:12).
Make a decision. Take action, and know that you serve a God who stands by you and stands ready with your reward.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
How Then Shall I Live?
It was hard...really hard. It was quite possibly one of the more difficult experiences of my life. At the same time it was one of the best experiences.
It's like James says: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4). The trials and challenges are tests, and those tests do two things.
First the trials reveal things in myself that I otherwise might not notice. On the one hand it reveals things in myself that still need some work; issues concerning my attitude, my personality, my lifestyle, my perspectives. On the other hand trials can also reveal areas of growth in my life. Those are the most encouraging times, when I'm able to see in myself how God has changed the way I respond to situations; when I respond with more patience, confidence, faithfulness.
The second thing that trials do is to further develop perseverance and other such qualities. So much growth comes from being faithful in times of trial.
All that to say, with all the challenges I faced this summer, and all the growth and change that has taken place in me, how should I live differently? What new challenges should I be pursuing?
I look forward, with fear and trembling, to seeing what God has for me this school year.
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." Psalm 68:19
Thank you all for your prayers.
It's like James says: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4). The trials and challenges are tests, and those tests do two things.
First the trials reveal things in myself that I otherwise might not notice. On the one hand it reveals things in myself that still need some work; issues concerning my attitude, my personality, my lifestyle, my perspectives. On the other hand trials can also reveal areas of growth in my life. Those are the most encouraging times, when I'm able to see in myself how God has changed the way I respond to situations; when I respond with more patience, confidence, faithfulness.
The second thing that trials do is to further develop perseverance and other such qualities. So much growth comes from being faithful in times of trial.
All that to say, with all the challenges I faced this summer, and all the growth and change that has taken place in me, how should I live differently? What new challenges should I be pursuing?
I look forward, with fear and trembling, to seeing what God has for me this school year.
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." Psalm 68:19
Thank you all for your prayers.
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Crazy Days
I never thought that retreat week would be so...interesting.
The first half of this last week the summer staff girls go on retreat while the guys work around camp. It also just so happens that this is the week we have a christian camp for the deaf on campus. They are really wonderful people, and it is neat seeing how they interact with each other. Where it gets crazy is when I'm lifeguarding at the waterfront and they start signing to each other what they are about to do and I have no way of knowing if I should put a stop to it or not. The situation is rather humorous, but also a little unnerving.
The second half of the week the guys go on retreat--meeting up with the girls for one day in the middle of the week. I went into this retreat realizing that I needed to take some time to process some things, and intending to take some time away from the group to do that. Taking that time was easy enough because I was one of the only people awake for the first couple hours each morning.
We were able to use the time well; just being together as guys. We even invented a game using everlasting gobstoppers and a circular table with a lip around the edge.
The week was also a great opportunity for me to connect with a number of the summer staffers. God is doing a lot of great things in our community. And at the same time there are still some areas where we have some learning and growing to do.
OH! Some time you should ask me what happened on the drive up to retreat. Thank God for doughnuts.
Right now I'm on the mend from a fever yesterday. I was out of commission the whole day, and today I'm slowly rebuilding my energy. This week ahead of me is day camp. I won't have any campers because I am a "waterfront specialist", which means I work with all the kids throughout the week. It will be a different side of camp, and I'm looking forward to that.
Keep us in your prayers. Thanks.
The first half of this last week the summer staff girls go on retreat while the guys work around camp. It also just so happens that this is the week we have a christian camp for the deaf on campus. They are really wonderful people, and it is neat seeing how they interact with each other. Where it gets crazy is when I'm lifeguarding at the waterfront and they start signing to each other what they are about to do and I have no way of knowing if I should put a stop to it or not. The situation is rather humorous, but also a little unnerving.
The second half of the week the guys go on retreat--meeting up with the girls for one day in the middle of the week. I went into this retreat realizing that I needed to take some time to process some things, and intending to take some time away from the group to do that. Taking that time was easy enough because I was one of the only people awake for the first couple hours each morning.
We were able to use the time well; just being together as guys. We even invented a game using everlasting gobstoppers and a circular table with a lip around the edge.
The week was also a great opportunity for me to connect with a number of the summer staffers. God is doing a lot of great things in our community. And at the same time there are still some areas where we have some learning and growing to do.
OH! Some time you should ask me what happened on the drive up to retreat. Thank God for doughnuts.
Right now I'm on the mend from a fever yesterday. I was out of commission the whole day, and today I'm slowly rebuilding my energy. This week ahead of me is day camp. I won't have any campers because I am a "waterfront specialist", which means I work with all the kids throughout the week. It will be a different side of camp, and I'm looking forward to that.
Keep us in your prayers. Thanks.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Midway Checkpoint
I survived the first two weeks of counseling. I would love to be able to say that both weeks my cabin was filled with a bunch of heathens who didn't know anything about God, and over the week I showed them how much God loves them and saw them accept God's gift of salvation which was promptly followed by drastic changes in their lives. Fact of the matter is most of the kids in my cabin already knew and believed in Jesus, yet they still didn't get along with each other, and the only change that came of the week was the depth of their frustration with each other--it deepened with each passing day. I have no idea what God will do with what happened for them this week. I just pray that something got through to them.
As I drew closer to the end of this last week and began to realize that both weeks my cabin essentially had the same problem, and neither week did the problem really become resolved I started to develop some doubts in myself. I started thinking, "maybe I didn't respond in the way I should have. Maybe I didn't meet the challenge, but instead only endured it. Were these two weeks of any value? Have I accomplished anything?"
These thoughts can easily become discouraging and cause me to doubt my value in this ministry. I have to remind myself that I did everything I could, and I cared for them well, and I never stopped loving each of them. Continually I pursued God and his guidance and help. Surely he can take the meager fruit of this last week and nurture it into succulent morsels.
Now I'm looking at the ending of the summer. Half of this week I will be on summer staff retreat. I would like to use that time well; to process a lot of things that have happened over the summer so far. It's taken me this long to realize that I am not capable of processing things in my head. This means that the next week will likely involve a lot of journaling and conversations (Some of those conversations will be with myself, so hopefully people don't see me and think I'm a crazy person...oh well).
We have day camp coming up next week. That will take a lot of focus, energy and patience as I'm dealing with small children who can think of nothing but the next snack time. After day camp comes our high school camp. I'm really looking forward to that last camp. Although, I am concerned that my cabin will continue the theme of my last two cabins--internal conflict.
Please pray that this week I will get the rest and the processing that I need, that I will continue to seek God personally, and that my cabins in the weeks to come will be more collaborative than the ones in the past. Also continue to pray for my campers as they are maybe processing their experiences at camp these last two weeks. God is not done with them yet.
Thank you for your prayers, and God bless.
As I drew closer to the end of this last week and began to realize that both weeks my cabin essentially had the same problem, and neither week did the problem really become resolved I started to develop some doubts in myself. I started thinking, "maybe I didn't respond in the way I should have. Maybe I didn't meet the challenge, but instead only endured it. Were these two weeks of any value? Have I accomplished anything?"
These thoughts can easily become discouraging and cause me to doubt my value in this ministry. I have to remind myself that I did everything I could, and I cared for them well, and I never stopped loving each of them. Continually I pursued God and his guidance and help. Surely he can take the meager fruit of this last week and nurture it into succulent morsels.
Now I'm looking at the ending of the summer. Half of this week I will be on summer staff retreat. I would like to use that time well; to process a lot of things that have happened over the summer so far. It's taken me this long to realize that I am not capable of processing things in my head. This means that the next week will likely involve a lot of journaling and conversations (Some of those conversations will be with myself, so hopefully people don't see me and think I'm a crazy person...oh well).
We have day camp coming up next week. That will take a lot of focus, energy and patience as I'm dealing with small children who can think of nothing but the next snack time. After day camp comes our high school camp. I'm really looking forward to that last camp. Although, I am concerned that my cabin will continue the theme of my last two cabins--internal conflict.
Please pray that this week I will get the rest and the processing that I need, that I will continue to seek God personally, and that my cabins in the weeks to come will be more collaborative than the ones in the past. Also continue to pray for my campers as they are maybe processing their experiences at camp these last two weeks. God is not done with them yet.
Thank you for your prayers, and God bless.
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