I have never been cool. My students would probably not be surprised by this. It's true though. I have never been cool. I have been accepted, loved, esteemed, honored, looked-up-to, and generally appreciated, but I wouldn't say that I have ever been cool. I'm okay with this. In fact, I am rather glad for this because if at any time in my life I had actually become cool I might have lost sight of who I really am.
Of course cool has always been a flexible word. Depending on who is using it various things and people can be cool. Sky diving is cool. Ti-dye is cool. Jocks are cool (never could figure out why). Surfers are cool. Miley Cyrus was cool. Bow-ties are cool. Sticking it to The Man is cool. From decade to decade, generation to generation fads, fashions, and the all-mighty vogue have generated numerous and even contradictory ideas of what is cool. The only way to be cool and stay cool is to fall under the standard of someone else and to constantly shift who you are and how you live so that it always falls under that standard. That is one circus act I could not maintain. It is no wonder so many young people find themselves hating themselves. Either you hate yourself for not fitting the standard, or you hate yourself for forcing yourself to fit the standard. There is no winning in the game of cool.
But I was never cool. Did I want to be accepted? Of course! Did I want to fit in? Sure...to a degree. But I had a few standards that I would not relinquish, and that made me autonomously unique. That kind of life doesn't get you any lasting cool points. You can get a lot of weird points, and for a time some people might think that is cool, but eventually it isn't so weird any more and all interest is lost.
Even when I look back to the one time in my life where I was one of the most popular people in school (yes, this actually happened) it had nothing to do with how cool I was. I was in my early years of high school, but attending a small school with kids of almost all ages (I can't remember if it went down to first grade or not). Some people in that kind of a situation might try to assert some sort of hierarchy and become either a malevolent or benevolent leader. I, however, have very little interest in being in charge, and had much more interest in helping other people feel important. So I included people in lunch time, in conversations, in games. I showed an interest and tried to make them feel special and like they had an important place in the community. It is amazing what happens when you treat people like they have a unique and important role to fill. In my experience, they usually start to take on and own who they are and the purpose they have been given.
You see, a lot of people like to be on the top of the heap by making everyone else feel smaller. We do this for a multitude of reasons: security, safety, power, control, popularity, acceptance. But when you lift yourself up by putting others down all you really end up doing is pushing others away until your just alone...
If, however, your goal is to put others on the top by building up those around you, you will find yourself encompassed by meaningful relationship and wrapped up in a community that will look after your security and safety; a community that accepts and values you. There isn't a lot of control, but there never is--not really. And what greater power is there in the human life than the power to empower others?
When Jesus said, "The greatest among you shall be your servant" (Matthew 23:11) he wasn't just setting a weird standard for his kingdom. He had a purpose in mind. The religion of the day was full of people who weighed others down with spiritual burdens while they pursued praise, attention, and power. Jesus, however, wasn't setting up a religious system. He was building a family.
A family does not thrive when individuals push others down to gain importance and power. A family comes together when the individuals are building each other up and helping each other to find their place and purpose. A family stands together through adversity. There may even be leaders within a family, but they do not lead the family forward from atop a litter as a Sultan born on the backs of his subjects. Rather, family leaders move forward while holding tightly to the hands of the family, and at times holding members up out of the way of danger while he himself is subjected to harm.
When you live like this there may yet be times of loneliness. You may even be ostracized for being weird. But you can't possibly live like this for too long before others start to gather around you. There are always people who long to be noticed, to be valued, to be given a place and a purpose, to be loved. If that is what you offer people around you, you may not be cool, but eventually you'll have a family.
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