James Speaks to Today

I don't care to be another voice screaming into the digital mass of humanity concerning the issues of today. However, this has been on my mind and my heart and I am going to write it out here just in case this can help me as I process, and perhaps someone else.
Over the last couple weeks I have become rather uncomfortable as I scroll through my Facebook feed. It can feel like everyone is shouting at each other while our nation is seemingly falling apart at the seams. I am a middle-child who longs for peace and reconciliation. Conflict (especially conflict that appears to have no quick resolution) is uncomfortable.
But that's all. Just uncomfortable.
You see, while it seems to me as though the world just went crazy, I have to remind myself that the world has been crazy for a long time. The difference is that the world's craziness never really inconvenienced me; it never hurt, it never worried. Oh sure, every life is filled with its own trials, challenges, worries and fears. But I will freely admit that my life has been rather easy.
Meanwhile, in the rest of the country and the world there are people who live every day in pain and suffering and fear; fear of starvation, fear of terrorism, fear of abduction, fear of all manner of abuse and torment, and fear of death. That is only the short list.
The world has already been crazy, the only difference is that now it has made me uncomfortable. Big whoop.
So what do I do now?
As I've been processing all of this, my thoughts keep turning to James.
First I had to process my own thoughts on racism and my perceptions of people who are different from me. This is where I have to give a lot of credit to my mother, because as she home schooled my siblings and I, she didn't just teach us that there were other people in other places. We actually learned about how they live and why they live that way. I learned that there are a lot of ways to live on this big blue orb, and I could learn a lot from others if I will just pay attention and listen. I learned that "different" is not a synonym for "wrong." Rather, it is an opportunity for growth. Differences are to be appreciated and valued.
Even if--after I have listened and payed attention--I do not agree with our differences, that doesn't make you any less of a person, or any less important than me. But that lesson came from a different source. It is drawn out in several places in scripture, but the one that keeps coming to mind these days is in the letter from James, the brother of Jesus.
"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be." (James 3:9-10 emphasis added)
I grew up with the idea that ALL people--Every Single Person--have been created in the image of God. God loves everyone, and He loves each person individually. How could I even think of hating a person or a group of people for being different when they--like me--are created in the image of God? I am a little crazy and took it a step further to consider that even those who are wicked and commit horrendous atrocities are still human beings created in the image of God and loved by Him, and are therefore not to be hated so much as pitied and even prayed for. (But that's another issue for another day.)
As I have tossed these ideas around, I am reminded that James had more to say on the issue of discrimination. 
"My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, 'Here’s a good seat for you,' but say to the poor man, 'You stand there' or 'Sit on the floor by my feet,' have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?" (2:1-4 emphasis added)

In this passage, James gives an example of discrimination on the grounds of wealth. However, the example is only an example. The point is that we "must not show favoritism," nor "discriminate among [ourselves]." When we do, we are not just being unkind or a little rude. We actually become "judges with evil thoughts."
This passage is not suggesting that we go about life without any discernment. You will know a tree by its fruit. However, when it comes to the externals (wealth, social class, skin color, gender) we must not play favorites and thus honor or dishonor people based on our preferences. Remember, they are each created in the image of God.
That is the lens through which I try to view people. So now what? I'm still uncomfortable, and get the idea that I need to do something about it.
I see and hear the pain of those who have been suffering in our nation. I don't deny that our country (though perhaps in better shape than many in the world) is not perfect, and is filled with corruption at every level. We are, after all, talking about a nation filled with and run by sinful people (as we all are. Oh look, another thing we all have in common). But what can I do about it?
An easy answer is that I can pray for those who are oppressed, abused, and overlooked, and I can pray for our government to seek changes that are based on the wisdom of God and in line with the will of God. However, while that is not a wrong answer to the question--and should certainly be a first and continual step--James has reminded me that there is more to the solution.
"Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, 'Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." (2:15-17)
I know that I am not the solution to the problems of the world. There is only one person who is capable of that, and I will gladly turn to Him to bring about the changes needed in our nation. But once my "amen" is spoken, I have to be willing to go about my life ready to be part of His solution. It is a great mystery, the fact that God does not need us in order to accomplish anything, but that He chooses to include us in His work to accomplish things on this earth. 
It is all well and good to pray for the well being of others, but if they have a need and I have the means and God says, "I hear your prayer, and I've given you the ability to answer this part of it," then that prayer doesn't mean much if I'm just going to sit on my self-righteous laurels waiting for God to do all the heavy lifting.
So what should I do?
Ultimately, the answer to that question is between me and God. What he wants from you will likely look different from what he wants from me. Again, "different" is not "wrong." If we each take care of our own assignment, the job is accomplished in a much better way than if I insist that everyone do what I am doing.
However, I will say that as I have prayerfully considered this question, one thing that has come to mind was written by--you guessed it--James.
"Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (1:26-27)
Again, talk is cheep...like, worthless cheep if I am just throwing around self-righteous platitudes. This entire blog post means absolutely nothing unless I turn around and act on what God has given me to do. "Look after orphans and widows in their distress..." I don't yet know what this means or looks like for me in the days to come. God knows. I'll try to follow Him.
I think the second part is also worth keeping in mind through all of this. "Keep oneself from being polluted by the world." It can be easy to get swept up in the power and emotion of everything going on in the news and social media; for everyone and in every direction; for or against a statement or action. I have to work at not letting those gut reactions to things I see and read draw me into the thoughts and ways of the world. 
It helps to remember that, "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12) When he says "rulers" and "authorities" I don't think he was referring to Caesar or the president because he just said that the struggle wasn't against flesh and blood. We must remember that the fight is not against this group or that group. That is how the world sees things. In reality, what we are really against is the sinful nature inside each and every one of us, and against the spiritual forces who seek to destroy that which brings glory to God--namely, the people who are created in God's image (in case you missed it before, that is everyone). In the process of the battle evil must be address, and our role in that does tend to involve confronting human beings. But even as we do so, we can't forget that those humans we are confronting for their wicked actions are just as much created in the image of God as those for whom we are fighting.
It can seem complicated, I know. The point is, don't try to tackle this from the perspective of the world. Look to God for direction and help. That is the only way we will ever find a real solution.

The Day I Broke

Over the last month or so I've been diving back into the world of recording. Only a few people know that I've done some recording in the past, and even fewer knew about this go around. It has been fun and challenging. I have a better computer now, and learned a few tricks with the equipment I was using that made things go a lot smoother. To top it off, I started recording a few videos as well and pairing them with the audio. I even set up a little channel on YouTube as a place to put my projects (with no intention of "building a channel" or going viral).
Throughout this process a lot of things have gone well, and I've learned and grown and all that jazz. However, there has been one little hiccough, one wrench in the machine that has bothered me from the beginning...my voice.
I don't mean to say that I don't like hearing my voice (I don't, but that's not the point). Most people don't like hearing their own voice, and that's perfectly natural. This is a much more musical issue. Right from the start I could tell that I was not hitting things right. Oh sure, most of it sounds okay; maybe even quite nice (a matter of opinion really), but far too often I just wouldn't hit notes right, or I wouldn't be able to hold a note in the right place. It was pitchy. Again, not all the time, but moments. I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't even notice. They might think, "he's good. Not great, but good." Though they wouldn't know why. Those of us with the ear for it would know exactly why.
Toward the beginning of all this recording I just figured, 'maybe I'm out of practice and just need to give it time and effort.' After one month filled with nothing but time to practice (thank you covid-19) it's not getting any better, and the question becomes, 'have I damaged my voice so as to lose that level of control, or did I ever even have it?'
Let's be clear. I have never had any intention of going pro, and I was not designed for the solo gig. I've always preferred making music with others, and especially singing the harmonies. So this discovery should not be an earth-shattering issue on any practical level.
But today I broke.
Yesterday I released another video that was the usual level of 'meh', and some guy with his own music channel gave me a really positive comment. I checked out his channel (because that's the only reason he liked my video) and, while I probably wouldn't care for his music, his vocal control was really good. Fast forward to this afternoon. As I was practicing the songs for church this Sunday, I come up to a note that takes some careful placement for me to hit it right...and I biffed it.
It's not the first time I've hit a note wrong (and it won't be the last). But right in that moment I thought, 'I don't want to do this any more.'
I put my guitar down, and I just sat in that thought for a minute. That one thought was wrapped up in so many others, 'you have to do it. You have a responsibility to fulfill. People are counting on you, and they don't seem to care that you don't have it all together vocally.'
'I don't want to do this any more.'
This was a big moment for me. I'm the can-do-kid (for lack of a better term). When I say I'm going to do something, I do it as best I can, and I don't give up until the job is done. But right then I just wanted to be done. Not because it was hard or painful or boring or scary or for any of the other reasons I have not liked doing something yet still pushed through. I'm not sure how to describe the reason other than to say that it was perhaps a very deep sense of inadequacy. When I do things, I want to do them well, and suddenly I couldn't. And it wasn't just some skill I could no longer manage. It was my voice, the most personal, deep, intimate instrument of them all. I've always considered my voice to be the one instrument that I truly knew how to use at the drop of a hat. But it turned out my voice was just 'okay' like the rest of the instruments I've dabbled in.
Today I broke.
As I sat there wanting so much to just walk away--specifically from leading music on Sundays--my heavenly Father had some words for me.
Oddly enough it wasn't words of comfort, consolation, or understanding. It was actually more of a "buck up and walk it off"kind of talk. He reminded me of the very thing I have wanted to tell so many people before. God doesn't want us to sing to Him because our voices are so perfect. He wants each of us--He wants you to sing to Him because your voice is yours. It is the voice He gave you and no one else has it. It is the most personal, deep, and intimate instrument you own and He wants you to offer it up to Him.
I had always wanted to shake up the church to get them to understand this idea. It's not about what your voice sounds like. It's the fact that it is yours and He wants to hear it from you. But here I was, suddenly feeling some serious insecurities about my own voice, and now I wanted to throw in the towel.
Then He began to comfort me. He reminded me that He didn't need a flawless performance. He just wanted a wholehearted offering.
I picked up my guitar and returned to the music I had been working on and was struck anew by the message of the song:

"My life is in You, Lord.
My strength is in You, Lord.
My hope is in You, Lord.
I will praise You with all of my life.
I will praise You with all of my strength.
All of my life, all of my strength, all of my hope is in You." ~Daniel Gardner

All of my life. Even the parts that I don't like or that I feel are inadequate. All of it is praise to God. Not because the gift is worthy, but because it is all I have, and it is all He wants. Not a flawless performance, but a wholehearted offering.

You are Not Alone

I have been locked up in my house for five weeks now. "Well no duh," says the world, "we all have."
Tomorrow starts week six of social distancing in Montana, and I want to ask everyone, "how are you doing?" I am very aware that this is a hard way to live, and harder for some than others. And I'm worried about many of you, and I wish I could help, but all I can do is tell you how I've made it through.

I don't mean how I've made it through the last few weeks. Let me give some context.

August of 2012 I left the populated regions of western Oregon for the vast open prairies of eastern Montana. For some perspective, I think the closest Starbucks is about 4 hours away...and in another country. I don't even live in a town in eastern Montana. Where I hang my hat is forty minutes from the nearest gas station. There is not a whole lot to do out here other than live, work, and enjoy the scenery.
Don't get me wrong. I love where I live and I have a fantastic community of people around me. But if you read my last post (*mumble mumble* two years ago *mumble mumble*), you know that I'm living here on my own, and have been for the last eight years. So when I go home at the end of the day (because there isn't much else to do) I get to live pretty much how many of you are living now. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to see.

Again, I love the life God has called me to, but after eight years of living like this I can tell you two things from experience:

First of all, it is hard. Some days are harder than others. You know that. I'm an introvert, so in a lot of ways I prefer this kind of life, but even still. It is hard. I don't want to pass over this fact because it is important to recognize. Even as we all face different forms and degrees of isolation and confinement, each of us is struggling with this in different ways and at different levels. Just because I generally live like this does NOT mean that I think everyone can do it. It's hard for me, and I basically prefer it. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for those of you who can't stand this sort of thing for one hour let alone one month.
And it's hard for a lot of reasons. For each person it's hard for different reasons. But overall, I would venture to guess (especially since it tends to be true even when surrounded by people) that one of the main reasons it is hard is because it feels so alone.
Whether you feel separated from friends, from family, from coworkers, from students, from teachers, from peers, or you feel alone as you try to care for your kids, your spouse, your parents, or yourself. That feeling of loneliness that isolation brings is hard.

But the other thing I know from eight years of living alone is that I have never been alone a day in my life. Even in my lowest, most isolated, most disconnected moments when it felt like there was no one else around; no one who was there; no one who understood; no one who cared; even when I felt like I was alone, I never was.

God has always been with me; always cared for me; always loved me; always understood me.
And He is always there for you too.

Feelings are real; loss, pain, loneliness, worry, fear. Feelings are real, but they are not always based in reality. Even though we feel alone, it does not mean we are alone.

It just so happened that I didn't get to see the latest Star Wars movie in theaters (this does relate, just give me a moment). So my first viewing of The Rise of Skywalker was towards the beginning of this whole quarantine process. It was perfectly timed, because one of the major ideas put forth in that film is this statement (and I might be paraphrasing but it's mostly right): "The enemy wins by making us think we are alone." 
Don't let the enemy win!

As I said at the start. I'm concerned about you all. Even those of you whom I have never met and never will. I have been praying for you, and will continue to do so.
I'm doing fine now. I have a lot of experience with this, but I know how hard it has been for me over the last eight years, and I can't even imagine how hard it must be for some of you. But I want you to know this one thing:

You are Not Alone.