I am saddened. I wrote an entire post--a good post. But in that post I included some combinations of punctuation that the all-intelligent compy saw as useless HTML stuff, I guess. Any way. It took the liberty of deleting half of the post. The other half was there. But it was incomplete. So I broke the rule.
That's right, I broke the blogger's rule: No deleting blog material. If it's not finished you can save it as a draft to alter later. But after posting there is no un-posting. I broke this rule. I deleted that piece. I ask that all my fellow bloggers might find in their hearts the capacity to forgive me of this tremendous crime.
For the most part I'm just worried that some people actually read it before I was able to delete it. It probably wasn't that bad, but I'm sure a lot of it didn't make any sense.
I got an A on my chemistry test. Actually I got an A+. 85 out of 81--I'm pretty sure that's an A+. Extra credit questions are way cool (when you know the answer).
I'm tired, so, I think I'll leave you with this quote.
It happened while Mr Christiansen was reading out loud in AP English on Wednesday. Sarah (I don't know what she was doing) knocked some stuff off of her desk. The noise stole the attention of the entire class. Mr. Christiansen just looked over at her and said
"Watch out for the gravity over there."
and went back to reading.
Friday, October 28, 2005
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Wouldn't Ya Think So?
You might find my posts to be a little thought provoking for a little while. In my English class we are studying non-fiction essays. Things like Emerson works, some of Annie Dillard's essays. Really weird and thought provoking stuff; slightly abstract thoughts. Kind of like while I was reading Hamlet all my stuff was poetic and oddly worded. And when I was studying existentialism and absurdism, all my thoughts were in existential and absurd form. If we were to go into a poetry unit, you guys would get an ear full of the most beautiful poetry (all of it by yours truly, of course). Lucky you, we aren't going to have a poetry unit...this tri-mester.
I was talking with a friend today (big shocker) when she said that she was a "gift from God." To those of you who don't know what this means I will explain. In saying this she was not saying that she was the best thing ever. In fact there was, I'm sure, no pleasure taken in saying this thing. This phrase, "a gift from God" is a term that my youth pastor used in a sermon once for "big church". He was talking about dealing with difficult people (everyone). If you are around people you are going to be frustrated and annoyed. That's just the way it is. So the idea that he presented was that these people in our lives that are particularly difficult to live with are "gifts from God". God has placed them in our lives to teach us things like patience. This is why my friend called herself a "gift from God".
Anyway, I started thinking about it. Who are the "gifts from God" in my life? Who am I a "gift from God" to? How do I deal with those people who are "gifts from God"? (I'll stop using the quotation marks really soon. Just hold on a little longer) In what way am I a "gift from God" to others? Am I obnoxious? I know I'm not perfect. Lord knows I try hard to not annoy people. But I don't sacrifice my identity for that goal, and my identity has some weird quirks. I've only ever met a few people who just didn't like me. You know the kind of person I'm talking about. It doesn't have anything to do with what you do or say, they just don't like you. No reason. They loath you for the sake of loathing. But, generally speaking, most people like me.
Still, do I come off as obnoxious sometimes? I'm sure I do. I know I find myself obnoxious at times. Then I wonder why my friends are still sticking around.
Here is a question that you regular readers would know the answer to. Do I ever sound arrogant? I can assure you that I don't have any real self-perceptions of grandeur. Usually when I make such comments, they are completely in jest. I like to act as though I think I'm great sometimes. Mostly cause I know that I'm so far from it.
There are two kinds of jokes. The kind that are funny because there is at least a hint of truth to them, and the kind that are funny because they are so far from the truth that there is no way they could be true. Like me saying that, as a senior in high school, I think I'll go beat up some freshman and take his lunch money. Some of you might think this to be no laughing matter. But to those people who actually know me and my non-violent personality, this could actually sound pretty funny coming from me. Usually after saying something like that I'd go into the details of how I would do it. Of course it's the biggest fish tale you ever heard, but that's the point.
I had an odd experience today. I was sitting at my computer talking online with my friend when I decided that I wanted a drink. Always having my water bottle close at hand, so I was able to simply reach forward and snatch my bottle from the desk just as soon as the thought came to me. As I was bringing my water bottle closer I started to stretch my arms above my head. Now, at this point the lid was still on the bottle. So, I decided "why waste time? I'll just open the bottle while I'm stretching." I'm sure some of you are thinking this story will have a wet ending. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm still dry.
It was simply the fact that I opened the bottle over my head. I had opened the bottle many times: in front of me, away from me, to the side of me. Never, however, had I opened the bottle OVER me. This may not seem very significant. "Kin's finally lost it. Laughed one too many times and flipped a breaker or something." I assure you that I have not lost my sanity, and I'm not under the influence of any substances. I have simply experienced something from a different perspective.
I know people talk about this kind of thing all the time. "It's a whole new experience seeing things from a different perspective." And it's true. Some times the normal perspective just becomes so common that we take it for granted. "Sure I can open the water bottle without spilling it everywhere. I do it all the time. I don't even have to think about it. it just happens. I can even open it with a little style if I want to. No problem. Open. Closed. Open. Closed." But when I took the bottle to a new perspective I had to think about how to open it. I had to focus on how to make sure it didn't spill (especially considering it was right over my head). It was like learning to walk all over again, except that I already knew a lot about how to do it. It was like experiencing something for the first time. This thing that I had been doing for months was now something entirely new.
I'm going to try something different with this post. I know that people actually read this. I usually only write for my sake. This time I would like to challenge the readers of this rather odd blog. The challenge I give to you is this: Take the bottle, stretch your arms above your head, and open the bottle. I don't know what the bottle is for you. It could be anything that you do all the time without really thinking about it (please don't take this as an opportunity to drive while sitting upside down.) All you have to do is take this thing that has become something mediocre to you and try it differently. You will notice that there is an important step to my challenge--stretch. You must stretch. The whole point is that it is not the way you usually do things. There has to be some stretching involved. It may be a little stretch. Perhaps it will be a big stretch.
Again, I don't know what this means for you. I am merely asking that you look to the things that were once so magnificent and see once again how greatly blessed you are.
I was talking with a friend today (big shocker) when she said that she was a "gift from God." To those of you who don't know what this means I will explain. In saying this she was not saying that she was the best thing ever. In fact there was, I'm sure, no pleasure taken in saying this thing. This phrase, "a gift from God" is a term that my youth pastor used in a sermon once for "big church". He was talking about dealing with difficult people (everyone). If you are around people you are going to be frustrated and annoyed. That's just the way it is. So the idea that he presented was that these people in our lives that are particularly difficult to live with are "gifts from God". God has placed them in our lives to teach us things like patience. This is why my friend called herself a "gift from God".
Anyway, I started thinking about it. Who are the "gifts from God" in my life? Who am I a "gift from God" to? How do I deal with those people who are "gifts from God"? (I'll stop using the quotation marks really soon. Just hold on a little longer) In what way am I a "gift from God" to others? Am I obnoxious? I know I'm not perfect. Lord knows I try hard to not annoy people. But I don't sacrifice my identity for that goal, and my identity has some weird quirks. I've only ever met a few people who just didn't like me. You know the kind of person I'm talking about. It doesn't have anything to do with what you do or say, they just don't like you. No reason. They loath you for the sake of loathing. But, generally speaking, most people like me.
Still, do I come off as obnoxious sometimes? I'm sure I do. I know I find myself obnoxious at times. Then I wonder why my friends are still sticking around.
Here is a question that you regular readers would know the answer to. Do I ever sound arrogant? I can assure you that I don't have any real self-perceptions of grandeur. Usually when I make such comments, they are completely in jest. I like to act as though I think I'm great sometimes. Mostly cause I know that I'm so far from it.
There are two kinds of jokes. The kind that are funny because there is at least a hint of truth to them, and the kind that are funny because they are so far from the truth that there is no way they could be true. Like me saying that, as a senior in high school, I think I'll go beat up some freshman and take his lunch money. Some of you might think this to be no laughing matter. But to those people who actually know me and my non-violent personality, this could actually sound pretty funny coming from me. Usually after saying something like that I'd go into the details of how I would do it. Of course it's the biggest fish tale you ever heard, but that's the point.
I had an odd experience today. I was sitting at my computer talking online with my friend when I decided that I wanted a drink. Always having my water bottle close at hand, so I was able to simply reach forward and snatch my bottle from the desk just as soon as the thought came to me. As I was bringing my water bottle closer I started to stretch my arms above my head. Now, at this point the lid was still on the bottle. So, I decided "why waste time? I'll just open the bottle while I'm stretching." I'm sure some of you are thinking this story will have a wet ending. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm still dry.
It was simply the fact that I opened the bottle over my head. I had opened the bottle many times: in front of me, away from me, to the side of me. Never, however, had I opened the bottle OVER me. This may not seem very significant. "Kin's finally lost it. Laughed one too many times and flipped a breaker or something." I assure you that I have not lost my sanity, and I'm not under the influence of any substances. I have simply experienced something from a different perspective.
I know people talk about this kind of thing all the time. "It's a whole new experience seeing things from a different perspective." And it's true. Some times the normal perspective just becomes so common that we take it for granted. "Sure I can open the water bottle without spilling it everywhere. I do it all the time. I don't even have to think about it. it just happens. I can even open it with a little style if I want to. No problem. Open. Closed. Open. Closed." But when I took the bottle to a new perspective I had to think about how to open it. I had to focus on how to make sure it didn't spill (especially considering it was right over my head). It was like learning to walk all over again, except that I already knew a lot about how to do it. It was like experiencing something for the first time. This thing that I had been doing for months was now something entirely new.
I'm going to try something different with this post. I know that people actually read this. I usually only write for my sake. This time I would like to challenge the readers of this rather odd blog. The challenge I give to you is this: Take the bottle, stretch your arms above your head, and open the bottle. I don't know what the bottle is for you. It could be anything that you do all the time without really thinking about it (please don't take this as an opportunity to drive while sitting upside down.) All you have to do is take this thing that has become something mediocre to you and try it differently. You will notice that there is an important step to my challenge--stretch. You must stretch. The whole point is that it is not the way you usually do things. There has to be some stretching involved. It may be a little stretch. Perhaps it will be a big stretch.
Again, I don't know what this means for you. I am merely asking that you look to the things that were once so magnificent and see once again how greatly blessed you are.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Trails Of Existence
I'm in a weird place right now. It seems strangely comfortable, and yet it is not the normal residency of my existence. I'm not talking about my physical position on this planet. The place I refer to is the mental, social, and spiritual places that I'm at. I have never lived this way before. This school year is unlike my entire prior existence up to this point in time. It's not a bad place. Sometimes it's not the most pleasant place to be. Mostly it's just different. I live in a state of existence that seems so paradoxical to the way I believed my existence would become. In my universe there were rules that I would never over come; barriers that would keep me from the way of life that was sought by many. There have always been, in my mind, the perplexing conundrums that would forever be beyond my grasp to explain. I was not even average. I didn't want to be average. I saw the way "average" people lived, and that was something I never wanted to become. This only left two other positions that I might attain: above average, and below average.
Above average was something that, though acceptable, was beyond my ability and will power to grasp. I had heard the stories of the trials and training that lined the road to "above average". I knew that I didn't care enough to even get close to making it. I was on the road to "below average".
Now I am in a place where all that I once thought to be, never really existed. All the rules and principles that I once believed governed the universe were all just figments of my imagination. There is no average. And, because there is no average, there is nothing above or below average. This is not a universe that is governed by numbers. How can averages be determined by this universe? Averages are simply the labeling of numbers. There are no roads; none that come to be better or worse for us. In fact, there are many roads. For each person there is one road. From that road there are the trails of decision. But none of this makes one road any easier or any more difficult than another. I saw the successes of others as something that could only be gained by traveling the same road as they had traveled. However, this is quite impossible. My road is before me. It is no one else's road. Even to those whom we walk through life with the road is very different.
I have but one road. At this time my road has brought me to a place that is unlike anything that I have previously traveled. It is better; it is more difficult; it is simply different. And yet, I feel as though it is just the kind of path that I am meant to walk. I am comfortable here. It is a thing that I would have always thought would be awkward, but it has become for me just the way I was meant to live.
(I say this with reservation, because I know that not all of my life is as it should be. There is still much for me to learn, as well as to change.)
A few years ago I wrote a poem that related to this subject.
Above average was something that, though acceptable, was beyond my ability and will power to grasp. I had heard the stories of the trials and training that lined the road to "above average". I knew that I didn't care enough to even get close to making it. I was on the road to "below average".
Now I am in a place where all that I once thought to be, never really existed. All the rules and principles that I once believed governed the universe were all just figments of my imagination. There is no average. And, because there is no average, there is nothing above or below average. This is not a universe that is governed by numbers. How can averages be determined by this universe? Averages are simply the labeling of numbers. There are no roads; none that come to be better or worse for us. In fact, there are many roads. For each person there is one road. From that road there are the trails of decision. But none of this makes one road any easier or any more difficult than another. I saw the successes of others as something that could only be gained by traveling the same road as they had traveled. However, this is quite impossible. My road is before me. It is no one else's road. Even to those whom we walk through life with the road is very different.
I have but one road. At this time my road has brought me to a place that is unlike anything that I have previously traveled. It is better; it is more difficult; it is simply different. And yet, I feel as though it is just the kind of path that I am meant to walk. I am comfortable here. It is a thing that I would have always thought would be awkward, but it has become for me just the way I was meant to live.
(I say this with reservation, because I know that not all of my life is as it should be. There is still much for me to learn, as well as to change.)
A few years ago I wrote a poem that related to this subject.
The Eternal Trial
by Kin Butler
The long trail, never ending, swaying along before me, fading away behind.
Never moving, but forever changing.
Unable to see what is ahead I can only think of where I am coming from,
and where I believe I am going.
I realize that everything I left behind is nothing,
and yet, to me, it is the world.
I know I should loath and despise it,
and yet I miss it.
I do my best to keep my mind on the trail ahead,
and it goes on.
by Kin Butler
The long trail, never ending, swaying along before me, fading away behind.
Never moving, but forever changing.
Unable to see what is ahead I can only think of where I am coming from,
and where I believe I am going.
I realize that everything I left behind is nothing,
and yet, to me, it is the world.
I know I should loath and despise it,
and yet I miss it.
I do my best to keep my mind on the trail ahead,
and it goes on.
Friday, October 21, 2005
How Does This Work Again?
Quick thought could be the solution to the plague of quick mouths. I suppose it really is true that often times when people speak a little too quickly it's because there mouth acted quicker than their mind. Thus, the solution to foot-in-mouth disease is to use your brain.
I have no idea where all this came from. I'm a little tired right now. But I know that I need to get to work on my Hamlet project if I'm going to have it done by this afternoon. The only reason I am writing on here at this moment rather than writing for my Hamlet project is so that my brain will be warmed up to just write. That, and I wanted to let you guys know how I'm doing.
The school year is one sixth of the way over. If you think about it, that is a big chunk. This has been a crazy-go-nutz week: Lots of homework every day, play practice after school, things to do in the evenings. It's just crazy. Then comes this weekend and all the homework I have is a little reading and perhaps getting started on a paper that is due Friday. That's it. I'm not complaining. I'm fine with not having much work.
I spent some time with Robbie yesterday. We talked about different things, and come to find out I'm not the only one who is surprised by the way other people think. After yesterday I'm a little confused about a few things. There are things that I know to be true, but the thing I'm struggling with is 'why are they true?' I mean. There are things that I should be doing, but why should I be doing them? For a while now I've been using the wrong motive. I've been spinning the yarn so that I could sheer the sheep.
I think I'll get going now. Laters.
I have no idea where all this came from. I'm a little tired right now. But I know that I need to get to work on my Hamlet project if I'm going to have it done by this afternoon. The only reason I am writing on here at this moment rather than writing for my Hamlet project is so that my brain will be warmed up to just write. That, and I wanted to let you guys know how I'm doing.
The school year is one sixth of the way over. If you think about it, that is a big chunk. This has been a crazy-go-nutz week: Lots of homework every day, play practice after school, things to do in the evenings. It's just crazy. Then comes this weekend and all the homework I have is a little reading and perhaps getting started on a paper that is due Friday. That's it. I'm not complaining. I'm fine with not having much work.
I spent some time with Robbie yesterday. We talked about different things, and come to find out I'm not the only one who is surprised by the way other people think. After yesterday I'm a little confused about a few things. There are things that I know to be true, but the thing I'm struggling with is 'why are they true?' I mean. There are things that I should be doing, but why should I be doing them? For a while now I've been using the wrong motive. I've been spinning the yarn so that I could sheer the sheep.
I think I'll get going now. Laters.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Today, Or Not Toda...That's Enough Of That
What in the world happened?!?! It's been an entire week since I last blogged. It probably has something to do with my Hamlet project. You want to know what I hate the most about that project? Well, too bad, cause I'm going to tell you anyway. The thing I hate the most is the fact that my teacher was right about it. He said that it was the project that students hate the most, but enjoy putting together the most. I wouldn't mind so much if he were only partly right. I would have been fine with it if I had loved the project entirely. And it wouldn't be so bad if I just hated the whole thing. But he was right. I don't like that. Not that I'm against teachers being right. I'm just against teachers being right about projects that I hate doing. That's all. It's like "If you are wrong, will you completely discount the necessity of this project?" That would be a fun wager. If I lost, then I had a great time with the project anyway. If I won, it wouldn't matter how well I did the project. Why don't I think of these things before the project is due?
Well, I started this post on Friday morning. Now it is Saturday afternoon. Within that span of time a lot has happened.
Yesterday I went to get my senior pictures taken. A lot of people think that you have to go to a professional to get good pictures. Not me. I have a friend who loves taking pictures and does a great job at it. So yesterday a couple of friends and I went to an undisclosed location to take my picture...over...and over....and over. My photographer friend also took several pictures of really cool things around us, but all in all she took 200+ pictures. Again, not all of them were me, but the majority were. That is a lot of smiling. That's ok by me. I smile all the time anyway. Seriously, in situations where most people would be complaining after a little while of smiling I can keep going for hours. I have that much practice. It's just natural.
We had so much fun. I was a complete goof ball the entire time. But that just keeps things exciting.
Today. Ah, today.
Today was a great day. It is the birthday of friend of mine. In honor of the occasion a few friends got together and kidnapped her for the day. I was among those people doing the kidnapping. (Yes, her parents knew that we were going to do it.) We took her to the mall and got her ears pierced. Then we just hung out for a few hours. It was great.
Now, I must return to my Hamlet project. Laters.
Well, I started this post on Friday morning. Now it is Saturday afternoon. Within that span of time a lot has happened.
Yesterday I went to get my senior pictures taken. A lot of people think that you have to go to a professional to get good pictures. Not me. I have a friend who loves taking pictures and does a great job at it. So yesterday a couple of friends and I went to an undisclosed location to take my picture...over...and over....and over. My photographer friend also took several pictures of really cool things around us, but all in all she took 200+ pictures. Again, not all of them were me, but the majority were. That is a lot of smiling. That's ok by me. I smile all the time anyway. Seriously, in situations where most people would be complaining after a little while of smiling I can keep going for hours. I have that much practice. It's just natural.
We had so much fun. I was a complete goof ball the entire time. But that just keeps things exciting.
Today. Ah, today.
Today was a great day. It is the birthday of friend of mine. In honor of the occasion a few friends got together and kidnapped her for the day. I was among those people doing the kidnapping. (Yes, her parents knew that we were going to do it.) We took her to the mall and got her ears pierced. Then we just hung out for a few hours. It was great.
Now, I must return to my Hamlet project. Laters.
Friday, October 07, 2005
"...Fine. How are you?"
Currently in a state of un-understood turmultueous pleasure I find myself very confused as to the manner of my life and the matters of it.
Now for a sentence that makes sense:
This past week I have found that every time I go to lunch, after my fourth period class, I am not in a state of happiness. Nor do I find my life to be filled with sorrow. I believe the way I described it to my friends is this: I have no reason to be sad, grumpy, or displeased in anyway. But I wish that I did.
Explanation: I have no reason for sadness. In fact I have much reason for celebration and enjoyment of life. I am not displeased with my current situation. God has blessed me greatly this year. I can think of no reason not to celebrate and to be joyful...And I think that is what I grow tired of.
I continue to be blessed and I continue live my life as I always do. It is this norm that has come to be a burden to me. I think back to last year and my complete lack of all these things I have now. At the time it all seemed like a curse. Now I see it as one of the greatest blessings I had yet received, and I do wish that God would put me in that place again.
Now I am burdened with so many responsibilities, and yet I feel more relaxed than I ever have. I have become a social butterfly, finding myself capable of stepping away from my bubble quite a bit. I am finding myself to be something I am afraid of. Not because it is a dangerous thing that I am becoming. Rather, it is that I am becoming much more than I ever thought myself capable. If only I had to worry about the basics and specifics, would my life be easier? Would I be busied and tormented by all these responsibilities and varied focuses? I know I have already written on the expansion of my "zone". Now I divulge why.
I see futility. In all the things I am doing I see the redundancy of all things past, and the incessancy of all things that are to come. Some times I say to myself "Just wait. In a few weeks you will be done with this project, and these things. Then you will have time to work on the things that you have wanted to do for so long." I have been telling myself this lie longer than I can remember. I know that it is not entirely true. I know that once I complete one task another will arise in its place, and the second task is often more complex and time consuming than the first. Yet I continue to tell myself this lie for two reasons:
One: It gives me some hope to hold onto.
Two: That hope is the soul truth behind the lie, and that is that there will be peace in the end. After this life is done I will have all the time I need to do the very thing I long to do. I shall worship and serve my Lord forever. When this life ends--in my final breath I will find the freedom I have searched so long for. I do not seek my own death. I say this to mean that the freedom I have been seeking in life will be the very freedom I will find in my passing from this world. No more will I be taxed by the weariness of this body. Pain, hunger, fear, and worry will no longer be a part of my life. The only comfort I find is that of knowing I serve for a purpose. That purpose is not my own, and at times I do not understand it, but I can know that I serve for the benefit of others and myself.
If God should so chose to curse me with these blessings, then may He also help me to use this curse to bless others. That would be a true blessing.
Now for a sentence that makes sense:
This past week I have found that every time I go to lunch, after my fourth period class, I am not in a state of happiness. Nor do I find my life to be filled with sorrow. I believe the way I described it to my friends is this: I have no reason to be sad, grumpy, or displeased in anyway. But I wish that I did.
Explanation: I have no reason for sadness. In fact I have much reason for celebration and enjoyment of life. I am not displeased with my current situation. God has blessed me greatly this year. I can think of no reason not to celebrate and to be joyful...And I think that is what I grow tired of.
I continue to be blessed and I continue live my life as I always do. It is this norm that has come to be a burden to me. I think back to last year and my complete lack of all these things I have now. At the time it all seemed like a curse. Now I see it as one of the greatest blessings I had yet received, and I do wish that God would put me in that place again.
Now I am burdened with so many responsibilities, and yet I feel more relaxed than I ever have. I have become a social butterfly, finding myself capable of stepping away from my bubble quite a bit. I am finding myself to be something I am afraid of. Not because it is a dangerous thing that I am becoming. Rather, it is that I am becoming much more than I ever thought myself capable. If only I had to worry about the basics and specifics, would my life be easier? Would I be busied and tormented by all these responsibilities and varied focuses? I know I have already written on the expansion of my "zone". Now I divulge why.
I see futility. In all the things I am doing I see the redundancy of all things past, and the incessancy of all things that are to come. Some times I say to myself "Just wait. In a few weeks you will be done with this project, and these things. Then you will have time to work on the things that you have wanted to do for so long." I have been telling myself this lie longer than I can remember. I know that it is not entirely true. I know that once I complete one task another will arise in its place, and the second task is often more complex and time consuming than the first. Yet I continue to tell myself this lie for two reasons:
One: It gives me some hope to hold onto.
Two: That hope is the soul truth behind the lie, and that is that there will be peace in the end. After this life is done I will have all the time I need to do the very thing I long to do. I shall worship and serve my Lord forever. When this life ends--in my final breath I will find the freedom I have searched so long for. I do not seek my own death. I say this to mean that the freedom I have been seeking in life will be the very freedom I will find in my passing from this world. No more will I be taxed by the weariness of this body. Pain, hunger, fear, and worry will no longer be a part of my life. The only comfort I find is that of knowing I serve for a purpose. That purpose is not my own, and at times I do not understand it, but I can know that I serve for the benefit of others and myself.
If God should so chose to curse me with these blessings, then may He also help me to use this curse to bless others. That would be a true blessing.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Class Of Two-Thousand ME!
I've been thinking about college a lot lately. It has finally hit me. Up until this last week I have never really thought that I might go to college. I didn't even ever really want to. Sure, I did everything I could last year to get as much education as I could so that I could go to college, but that was for my parent's sake. It never really was in my mind that I would actually go. This school year I kept on thinking that I needed to start looking into it, colleges and scholarships. The bug didn't really bite until after the senior college and scholarship meeting on Wednesday this week.
I went home that night and went online. I didn't know what I was looking for. I didn't even know where to start. So I started with the only thing I had.
In the last three months I received some info from Corban college because that's where they held summer seminary, and my info happened to slip into their hands. Anyway, the point is they sent me some info. So I decided--not having anywhere else to look--to start with Corban.
I went to their website and looked around. I checked everything from their offered majors to their staff roster to their doctrinal statement. The more I looked at it the more I liked the idea of actually studying there. (If my mother and/or father are reading this, don't get any ideas. I'll take care of this, thank you)
With the rest of the week I looked into what I would have to do to get anywhere. I signed up for the SAT test. I picked up scholarship applications. I looked at other colleges on line. But the more I looked at other colleges and other possible majors the more I liked the idea of Corban.
It's a nice size: small. It's a nice location, and I don't mean what they are advertising: "one hour to the coast, and one hour to Portland." I mean I've been there and it's really not too far from where I want to be. It could be much farther. It's also, in my opinion, a nice campus. The whole place is within tree cover. It might be thin and scattered tree cover, but it's trees none-the-less. I like trees. It makes me feel more at home. And it's easier on the eyes. Who wants to look at a bunch of buildings every day. There may be some people out there who do, but not me. I like trees. (did I already say that?)
It's strange. The more I think about it--college and all--the more I can actually see myself going. Really the only thing I wouldn't like about it would be that I would have to leave all my friends. I have no doubt that I would make new friends. I seem to have that effect. I don't find myself being alone in a crowd for very long. And if I were to spend four years at college, I would definitely have friends by then. I went to high school for one year and came out with a large group of friends. Most of my friends I could be okay with leaving. It would be sad, but it wouldn't be heart breaking. My closest friends, however, would be a bit more difficult to leave. I'm sure I could do it, but I know I would miss them greatly.
These last two summers at summer seminary when the Corban people gave their sales pitch I kept thinking "Yeah, yeah. You keep going. You won't be seeing me coming here in this lifetime." I never thought much of colleges. Just a bunch of people trying to make themselves look good so that they can get your money. That's what they were in my mind. A plague that was necessary in order to become anything big in the worlds eyes. I never wanted to be big in the worlds eyes, so in my eyes college wasn't very pertinent.
Now the more I look into different colleges and different majors the more Corban looks like it's exactly what I want. Okay, maybe not exactly. But it's pretty darn close. I don't know what exactly I want. But I don't think I want to live on a campus with thousands of students, and hundreds of teachers who don't have time to focus on individuals at all, and large campuses that almost require a car just to get from one class to the next in a reasonable time. I also can't think of anything else that I would rather study than God. I mean, there are a lot of things that interest me, and I do enjoy learning all kinds of stuff. But God is one of the most fascinating topics to study and discuss. I would just love to spend entire nights talking with other students, and entire classes talking with professors, about the greatest love of my life. There is so much to learn. I don't want to have to wait 'till I get to heaven to learn it all. I want to know some of it now.
I continue to pray on the matter. May God's will be done. If he should so choose, I shall go to Community college.
Laters.
I went home that night and went online. I didn't know what I was looking for. I didn't even know where to start. So I started with the only thing I had.
In the last three months I received some info from Corban college because that's where they held summer seminary, and my info happened to slip into their hands. Anyway, the point is they sent me some info. So I decided--not having anywhere else to look--to start with Corban.
I went to their website and looked around. I checked everything from their offered majors to their staff roster to their doctrinal statement. The more I looked at it the more I liked the idea of actually studying there. (If my mother and/or father are reading this, don't get any ideas. I'll take care of this, thank you)
With the rest of the week I looked into what I would have to do to get anywhere. I signed up for the SAT test. I picked up scholarship applications. I looked at other colleges on line. But the more I looked at other colleges and other possible majors the more I liked the idea of Corban.
It's a nice size: small. It's a nice location, and I don't mean what they are advertising: "one hour to the coast, and one hour to Portland." I mean I've been there and it's really not too far from where I want to be. It could be much farther. It's also, in my opinion, a nice campus. The whole place is within tree cover. It might be thin and scattered tree cover, but it's trees none-the-less. I like trees. It makes me feel more at home. And it's easier on the eyes. Who wants to look at a bunch of buildings every day. There may be some people out there who do, but not me. I like trees. (did I already say that?)
It's strange. The more I think about it--college and all--the more I can actually see myself going. Really the only thing I wouldn't like about it would be that I would have to leave all my friends. I have no doubt that I would make new friends. I seem to have that effect. I don't find myself being alone in a crowd for very long. And if I were to spend four years at college, I would definitely have friends by then. I went to high school for one year and came out with a large group of friends. Most of my friends I could be okay with leaving. It would be sad, but it wouldn't be heart breaking. My closest friends, however, would be a bit more difficult to leave. I'm sure I could do it, but I know I would miss them greatly.
These last two summers at summer seminary when the Corban people gave their sales pitch I kept thinking "Yeah, yeah. You keep going. You won't be seeing me coming here in this lifetime." I never thought much of colleges. Just a bunch of people trying to make themselves look good so that they can get your money. That's what they were in my mind. A plague that was necessary in order to become anything big in the worlds eyes. I never wanted to be big in the worlds eyes, so in my eyes college wasn't very pertinent.
Now the more I look into different colleges and different majors the more Corban looks like it's exactly what I want. Okay, maybe not exactly. But it's pretty darn close. I don't know what exactly I want. But I don't think I want to live on a campus with thousands of students, and hundreds of teachers who don't have time to focus on individuals at all, and large campuses that almost require a car just to get from one class to the next in a reasonable time. I also can't think of anything else that I would rather study than God. I mean, there are a lot of things that interest me, and I do enjoy learning all kinds of stuff. But God is one of the most fascinating topics to study and discuss. I would just love to spend entire nights talking with other students, and entire classes talking with professors, about the greatest love of my life. There is so much to learn. I don't want to have to wait 'till I get to heaven to learn it all. I want to know some of it now.
I continue to pray on the matter. May God's will be done. If he should so choose, I shall go to Community college.
Laters.
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