"...Fine. How are you?"

Currently in a state of un-understood turmultueous pleasure I find myself very confused as to the manner of my life and the matters of it.
Now for a sentence that makes sense:
This past week I have found that every time I go to lunch, after my fourth period class, I am not in a state of happiness. Nor do I find my life to be filled with sorrow. I believe the way I described it to my friends is this: I have no reason to be sad, grumpy, or displeased in anyway. But I wish that I did.
Explanation: I have no reason for sadness. In fact I have much reason for celebration and enjoyment of life. I am not displeased with my current situation. God has blessed me greatly this year. I can think of no reason not to celebrate and to be joyful...And I think that is what I grow tired of.
I continue to be blessed and I continue live my life as I always do. It is this norm that has come to be a burden to me. I think back to last year and my complete lack of all these things I have now. At the time it all seemed like a curse. Now I see it as one of the greatest blessings I had yet received, and I do wish that God would put me in that place again.
Now I am burdened with so many responsibilities, and yet I feel more relaxed than I ever have. I have become a social butterfly, finding myself capable of stepping away from my bubble quite a bit. I am finding myself to be something I am afraid of. Not because it is a dangerous thing that I am becoming. Rather, it is that I am becoming much more than I ever thought myself capable. If only I had to worry about the basics and specifics, would my life be easier? Would I be busied and tormented by all these responsibilities and varied focuses? I know I have already written on the expansion of my "zone". Now I divulge why.
I see futility. In all the things I am doing I see the redundancy of all things past, and the incessancy of all things that are to come. Some times I say to myself "Just wait. In a few weeks you will be done with this project, and these things. Then you will have time to work on the things that you have wanted to do for so long." I have been telling myself this lie longer than I can remember. I know that it is not entirely true. I know that once I complete one task another will arise in its place, and the second task is often more complex and time consuming than the first. Yet I continue to tell myself this lie for two reasons:
One: It gives me some hope to hold onto.
Two: That hope is the soul truth behind the lie, and that is that there will be peace in the end. After this life is done I will have all the time I need to do the very thing I long to do. I shall worship and serve my Lord forever. When this life ends--in my final breath I will find the freedom I have searched so long for. I do not seek my own death. I say this to mean that the freedom I have been seeking in life will be the very freedom I will find in my passing from this world. No more will I be taxed by the weariness of this body. Pain, hunger, fear, and worry will no longer be a part of my life. The only comfort I find is that of knowing I serve for a purpose. That purpose is not my own, and at times I do not understand it, but I can know that I serve for the benefit of others and myself.
If God should so chose to curse me with these blessings, then may He also help me to use this curse to bless others. That would be a true blessing.