Trails Of Existence

I'm in a weird place right now. It seems strangely comfortable, and yet it is not the normal residency of my existence. I'm not talking about my physical position on this planet. The place I refer to is the mental, social, and spiritual places that I'm at. I have never lived this way before. This school year is unlike my entire prior existence up to this point in time. It's not a bad place. Sometimes it's not the most pleasant place to be. Mostly it's just different. I live in a state of existence that seems so paradoxical to the way I believed my existence would become. In my universe there were rules that I would never over come; barriers that would keep me from the way of life that was sought by many. There have always been, in my mind, the perplexing conundrums that would forever be beyond my grasp to explain. I was not even average. I didn't want to be average. I saw the way "average" people lived, and that was something I never wanted to become. This only left two other positions that I might attain: above average, and below average.
Above average was something that, though acceptable, was beyond my ability and will power to grasp. I had heard the stories of the trials and training that lined the road to "above average". I knew that I didn't care enough to even get close to making it. I was on the road to "below average".
Now I am in a place where all that I once thought to be, never really existed. All the rules and principles that I once believed governed the universe were all just figments of my imagination. There is no average. And, because there is no average, there is nothing above or below average. This is not a universe that is governed by numbers. How can averages be determined by this universe? Averages are simply the labeling of numbers. There are no roads; none that come to be better or worse for us. In fact, there are many roads. For each person there is one road. From that road there are the trails of decision. But none of this makes one road any easier or any more difficult than another. I saw the successes of others as something that could only be gained by traveling the same road as they had traveled. However, this is quite impossible. My road is before me. It is no one else's road. Even to those whom we walk through life with the road is very different.
I have but one road. At this time my road has brought me to a place that is unlike anything that I have previously traveled. It is better; it is more difficult; it is simply different. And yet, I feel as though it is just the kind of path that I am meant to walk. I am comfortable here. It is a thing that I would have always thought would be awkward, but it has become for me just the way I was meant to live.
(I say this with reservation, because I know that not all of my life is as it should be. There is still much for me to learn, as well as to change.)
A few years ago I wrote a poem that related to this subject.

The Eternal Trial
by Kin Butler

The long trail, never ending, swaying along before me, fading away behind.
Never moving, but forever changing.

Unable to see what is ahead I can only think of where I am coming from,
and where I believe I am going.

I realize that everything I left behind is nothing,
and yet, to me, it is the world.

I know I should loath and despise it,
and yet I miss it.

I do my best to keep my mind on the trail ahead,
and it goes on.