Bad Kin!

I have a confession to make. Today I had four assignments due for four of my classes (that's one assignment for each class), but I was only able to turn in two of them.
I know, I'm ashamed of myself. I almost wasn't able to turn in both of the two that I did turn in. The second one I typed up literally 15 minutes before the class started.
I have no good excuse. No deaths in the family--that I know of. No major injuries. Not even some deep spiritual calling that kept me too busy to work on these assignments. I just simply allowed myself to become way too distracted.
It wasn't like I blatantly threw away my time. It was just little bits of time here and there, but it was a lot of little bits. I slacked off cause I didn't really want to start the assignments. It's strange how easy it is to convince yourself that you can spare some time for something when you really don't want to be doing something else.
So, I finally hit the wall. yesterday I spent all my time either in classes, the library, or working in a quiet room. I didn't even work in my dorm room cause I would probably just fall asleep.
This is going to be a tough term in a lot of ways. I've been learning a lot about myself. I recently realized that I am a terribly self absorbed individual, and that I don't know how to love people. I need a lot of help from God...I never didn't need a lot of help from God. In fact I need God to do everything if I'm going to change, cause I have already found that I'm not able to do it. I keep realizing that I'm messed up, and I keep wanting to change, and people keep telling me "at least you realize that you have a problem. that's more than a lot of people realize." I've heard that one a lot. And yet, here I am, still the sinful, self absorbed person I was a month ago, six months ago, a year ago, three years ago. I just keep running into the same wall. I need God to change me, cause I'm tired of being this person.
Pray for me?

Float, Soak, And Hold On For Dear Life

There are some things in life that I figured I would never have the opportunity to do; things that--in some way unknown even to myself--I kind of always wished I could do. Some of them I didn't even realize that I had always wanted to do it until I had already done it. Others I had known all along that I wanted to do it some day, but that it wasn't likely to happen.
Right now I can think of three of those things.
1: I always wanted to make a raft type structure and float on a river or stream or some chunk of water. It was my Huck Finn fantasy. Who wouldn't want to make a raft out of a bunch of debris and float around on it with pole in hand, pushing yourself along. Well, I wanted to. I'd tried to get some friends to help me achieve this goal, but that never panned out. Probably because they didn't realize this was such a big deal to me. That's okay, they weren't that interested, that's there loss. Well, I was finally able to achieve this dream a couple summers ago while working at a camp. We played this night game where there were two teams and we had to put a raft together out of a bunch of junk. We then had to get it to float all the way across the creak and back with everyone on the team sitting on top. If anyone fell off at any point the whole teem had to start over at the first bank. My team...was close to winning. Then people started falling off, and everyone gave up. I was still on top. So I just kept floating around. I went all the way across and back and had a grand ol' time. It was great. Dream complete.
2: This is going to seem really strange, but even though I always figured that I would never be able to go to college--let alone want to go to college--I figured that if I did go to college, I would have to get the full experience of working in the school dish room. That's right, I had a dream to work in the dish room of a college cafeteria. If my dad reads this, he'll probably think I'm a little crazy, but that's nothing new. Well, here I am at college, and I work in the dish room on Friday and Sunday evenings, AND I'm the janitor on Saturdays. Point made. Dream complete (or in the process. I still have to keep from getting fired ;-)
3: This is something I never knew that I wanted to do. I mean, I kind of always thought it might be fun, but it wasn't at the top of my list of things-to-do. However, tonight I found out just how much fun mechanical bull riding can be. That's right, I rode the bull, and I gave him a run for his money. The first time I got on it was pretty intense. There were a couple times I thought I was going off. So I just dug in and held on for dear life. I did alright...and then slid off. But the SECOND time it went on and on until I realized that it wasn't going to get any harder. So, I just slipped right off. It actually looked pretty cool. I just spun off the front of a moving bull. Dream complete.
'Nuff said.

The Agitator

I feel like typing.
Right now I'm sitting in the lobby of a dorm that is not my own. I don't usually spend much time in other dorms. (And just for clarification, I'm in a guys dorm, not a girls.) The reason I'm here is very interesting. Two words: Family Feud.
Monday night my dorm (being a dorm with a guys wing and a girls wing with a lobby in the middle) had a dorm meeting. In that meeting we played family feud.
With that much information one could deduce a lot of bad possible outcomes.
We played guys against girls. The stakes: Laundry room all week (we usually trade off every other day), lobby use after midnight all week (again, usually a trade off thing), and a pizza party on Thursday.
Now things are probably clicking. Have you figured out why I'm here?
Well, the guys lost the "feud". That was Monday. Now it's Saturday. Tomorrow is Sunday. I only have one pare of Sunday pants.
The conclusion: I'm here doing laundry. As we speak my clothes are spinning around and around in a pool or water and suds. And I'm sitting here killing time.

*tap, tap, tap* "Concert 'A', Please."

Some times I wonder, 'what's all this going to come to?', 'how's this all going to turn out?', 'years down the road will what I did today even matter?'
Of course all of these thoughts aren't in context of "The Big Picture". Rather they are thoughts more closely related to things like my studies, my hobbies; the things I research because I have to, and the things I look into because I want to. All this knowledge I'm gaining, will I ever use it for anything more than what I'm doing right now? Or will it be the stuff that I'm still doing twenty years down the road? And am I going to even like doing it twenty years down the road?
Then that brings up another question: Does what I'm going to like doing even matter? God called lots of people to live entire lives doing things that they didn't like doing. Just cause I enjoy doing something doesn't mean that's what I've been 'called' to do. So, it's back to square one.
Then there is the matter of gifting. I've been gifted in these areas. It would be a shame to waste those gifts. There must be some reason I have them. So, I might as well pursue the areas I'm gifted in.
Ah, but here is the thing that I've come to find out about myself: I am a surface level natural at most things. This means that I have the ability to pick things up fairly quickly (not always right off the bat, but with a short amount of time), but I don't usually hold on to them for very long. I learn the basics, and I become capable of doing a decent job. But it rarely gets much better than that. I reach a goal in that area, and then I move on to the next skill. Jack of all trades, master of none.
This leaves one to wonder: Is there any one area in which I am gifted? Is there anything that I can really pursue?
I don't know. I have absolutely no idea. That's why I'm here. I'm just going to grab hold of something that I never thought I could have, and I am going to chase it as far as I can. My whole life I never thought I would pursue anything in the field of music. I knew that I wouldn't be able to "make it big". So, I just played at my natural basic level.
Then at some point I decided it was time to focus on something. No more jumping around from project to project; skill to skill. It's been interesting and difficult. I'll be holding on and doing a good job sticking to my guns. Then something will come up, and I'll get side-tracked on some new thing for a bit. But I'll catch myself and get back on track with my practicing.
It's a strange thing, something I've never thought about before. Throughout my life I've tried many skills, and lots of different types of projects. But the skill I always come back to is music. There are tons of different things that I've done once and never really cared to do again. I put together a 500 piece puzzle once by myself. I then thought I'd do another, but that didn't happen. I realize puzzle-putting-together (is there a word for that, cause I couldn't think of one) isn't much of a skill, but that's just my mind set about projects. I do one and learn what it takes to do it until it's done. Then I think 'maybe I'll do another one of those some time', but I never do. I don't usually go back to that kind of project ever again.
I've come back to music though. I keep coming back to music. It seems like when ever I start to lose my desire to keep learning music something happens that brings me right back.
Maybe I am on the right track for my future. Even if tomorrow I wanted to be an astronaut, chances are the next day I would be, yet again, thrilled with the idea of being a musician.

This Is College

Yay! I made it through my first day of classes for this term. Actually that's not very hard. All you have to do is show up and listen to how hard the rest of the term is going to be. Actually that is kind of hard cause it can be rather depressing. You come to realize very quickly that you are going to have absolutly no life what-so-ever for the next four months. woo hoo. 8>q Oh well. I wanted to have some responsibility after that long break. Now I have it.
My books didn't cost very much this term. $170, oh yeah. There's one guy in my hall who only had to purchase one book for the term. It cost him like $50. But hey, I'm not complaining. Some people drop as much as $600+, maybe even up to around a grand on books alone. Of course you can always sell the books back at the end of the term. But they only sell for practically pennies. That's business for you. Oh well, the point is this term I came out pretty good.
Tomorrow I have three classes, but the teacher is gone for two of them. I think I heard that a student was going to run one of them regardless, and I'll show up for the other until I know for sure that nothing is going to happen.
Our band and choir are going on tour in February. We'll be gone from the 7th through the 11th. It should be interesting. We are going to have about two performances a day. One performance at a school in the morning, and one at a church in the evening every single day. I've been told that it's not that hard. Hopefully my lips agree. Playing trumpet two performances a day is kind of rough. But it shouldn't be anything compared to the Saturday when we had two performances of both the concert band and Handle's Messiah. That was really rough, but I managed to do a decent job. Anyway, I'll be skipping school for a week, so that's kind of cool. Though that means I'll have a lot of catchup work to turn in the day I get back.
Well, I got to catch some shut-eye. Laters.

*Welcome to College. If you will check in your life at the door, you may proceed to pick up your assignments at the front desk. And remember, "We don't care if you have fun, so long as the work gets done." Thank you.*

Umm...Yeah.

I don't know what to say. I'm going back to school on Monday. Enjoy the clock in the corner.

New Years Resolution

It's a new year. A year with so much potential; so much possibility. A new chance at a fresh start.
Says who? It would be great to be able to say 'this is my opportunity to start all over again, and to make things right, and, and, and.' The idea of new beginnings and fresh starts is a nice idea. But answer me this: What makes January 1st a better point to start these "new beginnings" and "fresh starts" than any other day in the last month, or the last year. Just because the new calender is a little cleaner than the old one, does that make this year any "fresher" than the last.
Here's a thought: Perhaps the reason that many people drop their new years resolutions within the first two months of the year is because they had to pick the resolution that wasn't important enough to start the week before new years. If it were something that were important enough for the person to follow through with then it was probably something that they started before new years came around. Anything else is probably just digging toward the bottom of our priority barrel for something to throw out there at the party. Sure it may be something that you would really like to happen, but it's obviously not high enough in the priorities to have started sooner. Granted, there are those of you who do go through with the resolution, maybe it was even a difficult one to maintain. Kudos to you.
I don't mean to be a downer on the holiday. I only mean to be realistic. And the reality is, there is a benefit and a good purpose to this holiday. New years is a time to look back over what has happened. There may not be a point in trying to fool yourself into thinking that January 1st of 2007 will change everything that was wrong with 2006. But it is a good time to look back over the past year and consider what happened. Think about the things that you've come through. Look at the work that God has done in your life in the past year. Remember the friends who have come and gone. Remember the blessings of the past year, and look forward to the blessings of the next.
2007 may not be any better or any worse than 2006, 2005 or any other year. Yeah, today can be a fresh new start, but so can tomorrow, and the day after that, and the month after that, and the year after that. Any day can be a fresh start; a new beginning. It all depends on what you want to do with it, and whether or not you are willing to make a change.
God bless. And happy new year.