I survived the first two weeks of counseling. I would love to be able to say that both weeks my cabin was filled with a bunch of heathens who didn't know anything about God, and over the week I showed them how much God loves them and saw them accept God's gift of salvation which was promptly followed by drastic changes in their lives. Fact of the matter is most of the kids in my cabin already knew and believed in Jesus, yet they still didn't get along with each other, and the only change that came of the week was the depth of their frustration with each other--it deepened with each passing day. I have no idea what God will do with what happened for them this week. I just pray that something got through to them.
As I drew closer to the end of this last week and began to realize that both weeks my cabin essentially had the same problem, and neither week did the problem really become resolved I started to develop some doubts in myself. I started thinking, "maybe I didn't respond in the way I should have. Maybe I didn't meet the challenge, but instead only endured it. Were these two weeks of any value? Have I accomplished anything?"
These thoughts can easily become discouraging and cause me to doubt my value in this ministry. I have to remind myself that I did everything I could, and I cared for them well, and I never stopped loving each of them. Continually I pursued God and his guidance and help. Surely he can take the meager fruit of this last week and nurture it into succulent morsels.
Now I'm looking at the ending of the summer. Half of this week I will be on summer staff retreat. I would like to use that time well; to process a lot of things that have happened over the summer so far. It's taken me this long to realize that I am not capable of processing things in my head. This means that the next week will likely involve a lot of journaling and conversations (Some of those conversations will be with myself, so hopefully people don't see me and think I'm a crazy person...oh well).
We have day camp coming up next week. That will take a lot of focus, energy and patience as I'm dealing with small children who can think of nothing but the next snack time. After day camp comes our high school camp. I'm really looking forward to that last camp. Although, I am concerned that my cabin will continue the theme of my last two cabins--internal conflict.
Please pray that this week I will get the rest and the processing that I need, that I will continue to seek God personally, and that my cabins in the weeks to come will be more collaborative than the ones in the past. Also continue to pray for my campers as they are maybe processing their experiences at camp these last two weeks. God is not done with them yet.
Thank you for your prayers, and God bless.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Thursday, July 08, 2010
A Workman Aproved, That Is The Goal
The summer staff girls have been counseling for girls camp this week, which makes this "Man week" in the summer staff living area. It has been good, having a chance for the guys to come together away from the girls. At the same time it has been weird not having the girls around; the group doesn't feel complete.
Next week we start our middle school camp, which means that we will all be counseling. I am both excited and a little scared. Who knows what challenges this next week could bring.
As for the week at hand, It has been a lot of work for me. Literally, I have had the longest work days since band camp Saturdays (you should ask about those some time). But the real difficulty of this last week has been keeping a good attitude through the long days and all the little things that come up. As each new thing has been asked of me I've had to make a conscious decision to act immediately and positively. Those decisions can be especially hard when selfish thoughts begin to creep into my head. "You've got a long day ahead of you. Let someone else do it." "You've been working hard. Why not wait for someone else to take care of this?" And the most dangerous thought of all: "If only I didn't have to do this right now..."
Thank God, he continues to give me joy and energy in my work, and little encouraging blessings along the way. He reminds me always of two things: It's not about me, and he is my strength and my life. If this were about me, I could hold all kinds of complaints about this and that and the other thing. If this were about me, I could ask more of this and accept less of that. If this were about me, I could serve how I want to serve, and rest how I want to rest. But it's not about me. I didn't come here to work for me and my gain. I came here to serve God as he would have me serve. This isn't about me.
At the same time, God has, is and will always provide for me as I need--not necessarily as I want. God will bring about his justice--which is righteous and complete. This is a theme I continue to encounter as I've been working through the Psalms. It may not happen in my time or as I would wish it, but justice will prevail. The question is, when God enacts his justice will I be placed under his punishing hand or will I be held in his rewarding arms? Will I be marked as one disobedient to his father, or crowned as a faithful child of the king?
I want to be faithful and obedient, but it takes a lot of work, and patience, and humility, and reliance on God.
Please pray for me. And pray for my campers these next two weeks (Tween camp and Boys camp). Thanks.
Next week we start our middle school camp, which means that we will all be counseling. I am both excited and a little scared. Who knows what challenges this next week could bring.
As for the week at hand, It has been a lot of work for me. Literally, I have had the longest work days since band camp Saturdays (you should ask about those some time). But the real difficulty of this last week has been keeping a good attitude through the long days and all the little things that come up. As each new thing has been asked of me I've had to make a conscious decision to act immediately and positively. Those decisions can be especially hard when selfish thoughts begin to creep into my head. "You've got a long day ahead of you. Let someone else do it." "You've been working hard. Why not wait for someone else to take care of this?" And the most dangerous thought of all: "If only I didn't have to do this right now..."
Thank God, he continues to give me joy and energy in my work, and little encouraging blessings along the way. He reminds me always of two things: It's not about me, and he is my strength and my life. If this were about me, I could hold all kinds of complaints about this and that and the other thing. If this were about me, I could ask more of this and accept less of that. If this were about me, I could serve how I want to serve, and rest how I want to rest. But it's not about me. I didn't come here to work for me and my gain. I came here to serve God as he would have me serve. This isn't about me.
At the same time, God has, is and will always provide for me as I need--not necessarily as I want. God will bring about his justice--which is righteous and complete. This is a theme I continue to encounter as I've been working through the Psalms. It may not happen in my time or as I would wish it, but justice will prevail. The question is, when God enacts his justice will I be placed under his punishing hand or will I be held in his rewarding arms? Will I be marked as one disobedient to his father, or crowned as a faithful child of the king?
I want to be faithful and obedient, but it takes a lot of work, and patience, and humility, and reliance on God.
Please pray for me. And pray for my campers these next two weeks (Tween camp and Boys camp). Thanks.
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Illness, Injury, And The Only Cure
How do I describe the week I just had?
It was so good, and so intense, and so sad, and so challenging. "So" isn't a very descriptive word.
I am in a very good place. God has worked on my attitude and given me great joy in the most mundane and previously innocuous tasks. Life is just better when it is filled with God's joy and pleasure in serving him.
The main challenge of this week came in the form of others' observations. It was brought to my attention by three different sources that there is a bug going through our community. This bug is a disease that effects our attitudes and out efforts. The first two notices intrigued me, but the third gave me cause for great concern and sent me straight to scripture to seek out the truth of the matter. The questions that were on my heart were these:
"Does something need to be said to this community?"
"Am I the one who needs to say it?"
"What needs to be said, and when?"
As of yet it has not been my place to address the community. However, since that day people have already begun to speak to the community pieces of what I found in my search. It has been very encouraging. And the words that I found have been shaping my attitude as I approach my own work, so even if I am not to address the community myself, I don't consider my efforts to be wasted.
Right now I am praying and waiting to see if and how the community is effected by what has been said. Who knows if I may yet be called to speak? I pray that God will give me wisdom in that, and love enough to speak truth where it is needed. I also pray that God will continue to work on my own heart and attitude so that I may be a light in the world and an ambassador of his truth.
Things are happening here; both frightening and wonderful things. If we can work together in unity and love--as God's body is intended to do--we can accomplish a great deal this summer, and in the years to come.
If, however, we allow the enemy to divide us and spoil our attitudes, we can only hope that God will redeem the mess that is created. Even so, we will lose so much in the opportunities God has given us this summer.
Only the Spirit of God can create in us such unity. Only the Spirit of God--which produces in us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control--can teach us how to live well together in community. May his Spirit fill us each day.
Please pray for us, and continue praying for me.
It was so good, and so intense, and so sad, and so challenging. "So" isn't a very descriptive word.
I am in a very good place. God has worked on my attitude and given me great joy in the most mundane and previously innocuous tasks. Life is just better when it is filled with God's joy and pleasure in serving him.
The main challenge of this week came in the form of others' observations. It was brought to my attention by three different sources that there is a bug going through our community. This bug is a disease that effects our attitudes and out efforts. The first two notices intrigued me, but the third gave me cause for great concern and sent me straight to scripture to seek out the truth of the matter. The questions that were on my heart were these:
"Does something need to be said to this community?"
"Am I the one who needs to say it?"
"What needs to be said, and when?"
As of yet it has not been my place to address the community. However, since that day people have already begun to speak to the community pieces of what I found in my search. It has been very encouraging. And the words that I found have been shaping my attitude as I approach my own work, so even if I am not to address the community myself, I don't consider my efforts to be wasted.
Right now I am praying and waiting to see if and how the community is effected by what has been said. Who knows if I may yet be called to speak? I pray that God will give me wisdom in that, and love enough to speak truth where it is needed. I also pray that God will continue to work on my own heart and attitude so that I may be a light in the world and an ambassador of his truth.
Things are happening here; both frightening and wonderful things. If we can work together in unity and love--as God's body is intended to do--we can accomplish a great deal this summer, and in the years to come.
If, however, we allow the enemy to divide us and spoil our attitudes, we can only hope that God will redeem the mess that is created. Even so, we will lose so much in the opportunities God has given us this summer.
Only the Spirit of God can create in us such unity. Only the Spirit of God--which produces in us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control--can teach us how to live well together in community. May his Spirit fill us each day.
Please pray for us, and continue praying for me.
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