System Feedback

I had two jobs in the course of my college career. The first was a job that I think most everyone should have at some point. I washed dishes at the school cafeteria. A lot of people would rather work the register or the salad bar, but I wanted to wash dishes in college. It was a kind of rite of passage for me. I didn't even use the fancy sprayer and the big washing machine. That was for the guy who washed cups, plates, and silverware. I was the one working the pots and pans sink by hand. Scrub-a-dub-dub. My favorite part was cleaning out the lettuce slicer. That was always a challenge.
The other job I had during college was working as an A/V technician for the school. Every chapel we had (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) there was tech involved. If there was a campus event, there was tech involved. There were so many things that required not only PA systems, but lighting, and projection that we had to keep a crew of 4-6 students trained to work these events at all times. We didn't all work every event (though there were a few that called for all hands on deck).
I loved the work because it involved planning, putting together fantastic (and at times powerful) systems, and a lot of thinking on your feet. It was hard work with some very late nights, but it was also a lot of fun and generated a wonderful community of techies.
Over the course of my four years as a techie I learned a number of things, but possibly the most profound element was learned during my technology training the year before I became a techie.
It was the spring semester of my freshman year in 2007. I was a worship arts major at the time, and as such I had the privilege of taking a class on technology in worship. Basically it was the purpose of tech and how to set up and operate sound, lighting, and projection systems for a worship setting. That class is where I fell in love with the sound board which I once saw as monstrous and intimidating. It was also there that we learned and practiced the following lesson: "out" goes to "in" from the source of the sound all the way through the system to the presentation of the sound, and we must never, EVER patch things in backwards.
If I hadn't taken the class and lived that life for the next four years I probably wouldn't understand what that last sentence even said. "'Out'? 'In'? What are you talking about?" Let me explain.
Setting up a sound system is just a matter of taking a sound from its source--for instance a voice--and sending it through cables through a series of pieces of equipment that adjust the sound signal and ultimately to either a recording device or a  speaker which allows people to hear the altered form of the sound. You speak into a microphone which is attached to a sound board that controls volume (among other things). The sound board is connected to an equalizer which makes sure you get neither a muddy rumble nor a high pitched shreeeeeeeek (you know, the one everyone blames the sound guy for). The EQ is connected to an amplifier that adds power to the sound signal so that when it gets to the speaker it can be loud enough for everyone to hear.
Each of those elements--mic, board, EQ, amp, and speakers--has both an input and an output, and when you connect them you have to make sure that the output from one is connected to the input of another. In doesn't go to In (nothing will happen) and Out can't go to Out (that's how you break stuff).
Even if you do get all the outs and ins lined up right you still have to make sure that each element is set up in order from source to presentation. My friend learned this the hard way during his class final.
For the worship tech final we were given all the elements we needed to setup a sound system, and we simply had to set it up. By this point in the term I was fairly comfortable with the equipment and the order of things (though my instructor docked me a few points for using unbalanced cables...which I'm pretty sure he told us in class were perfectly viable options when patching a system together). My friend, on the other hand either got the order confused or simply wasn't paying attention to which ins were connected to which outs. Instead of connecting the EQ-out to the amplifier-in, he connected the amplifier-out to the EQ-in. Remember, the amp is there to add power to the signal. When you amp up the signal and send it through speakers you get a rockin' concert. When you amp up the signal and send it back through the EQ you get a dead EQ. That's right, my friend blew up the equalizer while taking his final. We never let him live that down.
What was a painful lesson for my friend was a powerful lesson for me, even in my every day life.
My life is like a sound system. I was designed to work one way, and one way only. I am to have one source of life--God, and if I am not patched in to that source I have no life for myself and I have nothing to offer others. Sometimes I can get my ins and outs confused, as though God needs me to provide him with life and plans and stuff. All that happens when I try to send a signal back to God's microphone is... ... ... It's pointless, and I become useless. He is the source of all good things.
There are also times in my life when I get not only my ins and outs confused, but I confuse my source. I can find myself trying to get my life and my purpose from other people and other things which is ultimately like running a signal back through the amplifier into my system. I can burn myself out by trying to find my power and energy and identity in the world around me.
My system was designed to work one way, and one way only. When I live with God as my source, with his voice and his life flowing through me I am able to live out my purpose with all the energy and joy that He provides. More than that, as His voice flows through my life others will be able to hear it through the way I live and the words I say. I get to share his message with the world around me.
It isn't that God needs us. If there was ever someone on the stage of life who didn't need to use the microphone to be heard, it would be God. Yet He chooses to use us, to involve us in His work. We just have to recognize where our source is and make sure we keep our system properly patched in to Him.

Better Than Cool: Why be alone when you can belong?

I have never been cool. My students would probably not be surprised by this. It's true though. I have never been cool. I have been accepted, loved, esteemed, honored, looked-up-to, and generally appreciated, but I wouldn't say that I have ever been cool. I'm okay with this. In fact, I am rather glad for this because if at any time in my life I had actually become cool I might have lost sight of who I really am.
Of course cool has always been a flexible word. Depending on who is using it various things and people can be cool. Sky diving is cool. Ti-dye is cool. Jocks are cool (never could figure out why). Surfers are cool. Miley Cyrus was cool. Bow-ties are cool. Sticking it to The Man is cool. From decade to decade, generation to generation  fads, fashions, and the all-mighty vogue have generated numerous and even contradictory ideas of what is cool. The only way to be cool and stay cool is to fall under the standard of someone else and to constantly shift who you are and how you live so that it always falls under that standard. That is one circus act I could not maintain. It is no wonder so many young people find themselves hating themselves. Either you hate yourself for not fitting the standard, or you hate yourself for forcing yourself to fit the standard. There is no winning in the game of cool.
But I was never cool. Did I want to be accepted? Of course! Did I want to fit in? Sure...to a degree. But I had a few standards that I would not relinquish, and that made me autonomously unique. That kind of life doesn't get you any lasting cool points. You can get a lot of weird points, and for a time some people might think that is cool, but eventually it isn't so weird any more and all interest is lost.
Even when I look back to the one time in my life where I was one of the most popular people in school (yes, this actually happened) it had nothing to do with how cool I was. I was in my early years of high school, but attending a small school with kids of almost all ages (I can't remember if it went down to first grade or not). Some people in that kind of a situation might try to assert some sort of hierarchy and become either a malevolent or benevolent leader. I, however, have very little interest in being in charge, and had much more interest in helping other people feel important. So I included people in lunch time, in conversations, in games. I showed an interest and tried to make them feel special and like they had an important place in the community. It is amazing what happens when you treat people like they have a unique and important role to fill. In my experience, they usually start to take on and own who they are and the purpose they have been given.
You see, a lot of people like to be on the top of the heap by making everyone else feel smaller. We do this for a multitude of reasons: security, safety, power, control, popularity, acceptance. But when you lift yourself up by putting others down all you really end up doing is pushing others away until your just alone...
If, however, your goal is to put others on the top by building up those around you, you will find yourself encompassed by meaningful relationship and wrapped up in a community that will look after your security and safety; a community that accepts and values you. There isn't a lot of control, but there never is--not really. And what greater power is there in the human life than the power to empower others?
When Jesus said, "The greatest among you shall be your servant" (Matthew 23:11) he wasn't just setting a weird standard for his kingdom. He had a purpose in mind. The religion of the day was full of people who weighed others down with spiritual burdens while they pursued praise, attention, and power. Jesus, however, wasn't setting up a religious system. He was building a family.
A family does not thrive when individuals push others down to gain importance and power. A family comes together when the individuals are building each other up and helping each other to find their place and purpose. A family stands together through adversity. There may even be leaders within a family, but they do not lead the family forward from atop a litter as a Sultan born on the backs of his subjects. Rather, family leaders move forward while holding tightly to the hands of the family, and at times holding members up out of the way of danger while he himself is subjected to harm.
When you live like this there may yet be times of loneliness. You may even be ostracized for being weird. But you can't possibly live like this for too long before others start to gather around you. There are always people who long to be noticed, to be valued, to be given a place and a purpose, to be loved. If that is what you offer people around you, you may not be cool, but eventually you'll have a family.

We Could All Use A Little Change

[The following post was largely written in the summer of 2011. It is finally being posted now because...I guess I like it better now than I did when I first wrote it.]

"This week I've noticed that I have a lot of music with bad lyrics."

The above quote is something that was said by one of the younger leaders of a youth event I've been working over this last week. It was a simple and casual enough statement. Most people wouldn't think much of it. Oh well, your choice of music is up to you. Who's to say it's "bad".

Instead, the thought that came into my head was as follows: "And yet, when you leave at the end of the week you will forget and keep listening to it."

More than likely this is exactly what will happen. We all do it. Maybe for you it's not your music. Maybe it's your activities, your friends, your diet. We see something that we know we ought to change, but we hesitate, forget, and don't change a thing. For me it's the tv shows I watch (as little as I actually do watch).

Why do we continue in this pattern? The simple answer is that it's easier to change our standards than to change our lifestyle.

The principle of the path of least resistance prevails in our world. Electricity travels through a copper wire rather than through a piece of rubber, even if the wire takes a longer rout. Water flows downhill, between or around any obstacles, every time. If even inanimate objects follow this principle, how much more we sentient beings with our desires and preferences; with our distastes and pains. We who are capable of choosing to take the more difficult path will still find ourselves time after time taking the rout of ease and leisure as much as possible.

If ever we take action that is less than desirable it is to avoid another conceivably less comfortable path. We work so that we can live in luxury (or maybe just to have food), or to avoid a social stigma.

Every once in a while we may do something to help someone else that doesn't benefit us in any way, just so we can say we are good people. But how often do we completely change part of our life because we realize something is wrong?

I'm not preaching salvation by works. We're broken. We can't fix ourselves. There is a bigger issue at stake than our song lyrics and tv show preferences. Only Jesus can set us free from our bondage to the root issue.

What I'm saying is growth involves change. When you're seriously sick and you want to be healthy you have to change something. If you don't change something you won't get any better.

Granted, it has to be the right change. Putting a splint on your leg won't do you any good when dealing with scurvy. Tithing in church won't change the music you listen to. Volunteering at the mission won't get rid of your porn collection. Counseling youth won't get you out of your inappropriate or promiscuous relationship.

So it's that simple. See that you have a problem, and change it. Two-step program. I'll send you the bill for this consultation.

No...it's not easy. I know that. You know that. If it were easy, we would already be doing it (remember that path of least resistance thing?). It's hard, and it never ends. We are constantly struggling to grow, and discovering more and more things within us that hinder our growth. It is a life long process. It wasn't until Paul knew that he was close to his end that he dared to make the claim "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith" (2 Timothy 4:7).

Hold tight to God. Grow in him. As he points out the areas of your life that are still sick take it seriously. Sin is not like fire. Fire only has some chance of burning you when you play with it. Sin will always burn you: 100%, every time.
If you'll excuse me, now I need to go change some things.

Right or Wrong

As a K-12 music teacher I have heard a creative assortment of reasons for the poor choices my students make. I am certain that I haven't heard them all, but my students have used everything from "I didn't know that would happen," to "it seemed like a good idea at the time," to "you didn't tell me I couldn't," to "how could I resist?" And the list goes on. There are moments when I have to give credit for creativity, and other moments when I have to give grace for true ignorance. However, there are some excuses that are really no excuse at all. The one that really gets my goat goes something like this;

"I didn't mean to do it."

 Let's suspend the probable reality surrounding the majority of these situations and assume that this statement--"I didn't mean to do it"--is actually true. My first reaction to this excuse (at least internally if not actually spoken to the perpetrator) is a very simple question. "What did you mean to do?"
What I have found is that there are a frightening number of people in our world (most likely every one of us has been guilty of this at some point in our lives) who honestly don't mean to do bad things, yet somehow find themselves doing those very things anyway. We don't mean to hurt people. We don't mean to lie. We don't mean to talk about people behind their back. We don't mean to steal. No one starts out their life thinking, "I am going to go out and make a series of poor choices that will lead down a path of irresponsible and destructive living." We don't mean to do it!
But what do we mean to do?
My students can tell me until they are blue in the face that they don't mean to behave poorly, but that doesn't mean a thing to me until they can tell me what they are trying to do to live rightly and to make good choices. As humans it is in our nature to follow a pattern. Given the choice between right and wrong, wrong is almost always the easiest, most enticing, most natural direction for us to move. Therefore, if we do not mean to do the right thing--working at it, striving for it--we will automatically do the wrong thing...whether we mean to or not. There is no neutral ground. We are either trudging forward or we are running or falling backward. The slope is too slippery to simply stand still and hope we won't get dirty. If we don't fight in the battle, we are guaranteed to lose.
I don't pretend for a moment that any one of us can live perfectly right by trying in our own effort to do so. Some times our perception of right is distorted so that even in trying to do right we do the other thing (speaking from unfortunate and painful experience). We can't possibly be mindful of every facet of right and wrong. While trying to do right in one area we will slip up in another.
I don't expect perfection from my students. I expect effort. I expect them to fight within themselves for what is right and good. It won't be perfect.
Only one perfect person has ever walked this earth. He has offered his help, and his is the only help that can truly get us moving toward the ultimate goal of perfect rightness. Until we get there, however, we're going to make some mistakes...even though we don't mean to.

Empty Idols

Over the last few weeks I've been doing more and more time-wasting activities. I like to call them "relaxing entertainment". What this entertainment ultimately produces in me is two things, an increased desire for junk food (of which I have little to begin with), and a progressively decreasing interest in anything productive (ie. worthwhile or life giving). I even become less interested in getting out and interacting with real people!
I see this happening, and I notice myself moving deeper and deeper into this lifeless void; this idol I have established in my own home. Yet it seems so harmless. I do my work, so don't I deserve this little treat? It's my time to use how I wish. At least I'm not pursuing any gross immorality.
And so, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day I draw closer to the altar I have built with my own hands, and I sacrifice my life--giving my very soul to this powerless god.
What, you might ask, is my reward for such devotion? Perhaps a few good laughs and a couple stories to share. More likely, a few pounds gained (though most people seem to think I could do with a few more pounds), a growing distaste for sweets, and an increasing resentment toward myself.
In the few moments I manage to pull myself away from the altar I am able to see just how much I am wasting my life and recognize the fact that I am simply trying to fill an inner void. I am thirsty; parched to the point of dehydration and desperation. In my thirst I am turning to a broken cistern; a cracked vessel to retrieve from it the last remaining drops of water...and those drops are salty. Driven by my growing desire for satisfaction and fulfillment, I continue to use the same broken glass to bring what liquid I can to my emotionally emaciated body.
I see this happening, and I grow sick of myself.
Of course I have an overabundance of good excuses. My personal favorite is the most simple, "I can do that other stuff later. It doesn't have to be done right now. Just a little bit more entertainment and then I'll get back to work." That is precisely how I seal the deal. As soon as I have subtly suggested the idea that whatever else I might have in mind to do is "work", I have a reason not to do it. "I work all day. I should take a break from all that work in the evenings and on the weekends. Don't I do enough as it is? I deserve this." And as simple as that, I am sold. Back to the altar I go to have my life siphoned like a gas tank.
Because that is really how I feel when I finally pull myself away. Rather than feeling rested and prepared to take on whatever the world is aiming to throw at me, I feel even more drained and weary than I was before approaching the altar.
Only just this afternoon did I finally come to a point in my deprivation that I was able to see what I was doing for what it truly was--a vain attempt at filling my own emptiness with a big, shiny jar of nothing. That realization has made all the difference in just a few hours. The result has been quite enjoyable and something I can look back on and say, "well done, Michael. I am much more proud to be you now than I was at the beginning of the day."
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go approach the altar of the one true God where I know he holds an extra measure of grace for those who humbly come to him in their brokenness. And where I am promised to find a fountain of living water to quench my thirst and satisfy my soul.

"Mom! Jesus Won't Stop Sharing!"

The other day as I was thinking about how Jesus Christ came to the earth I was suddenly struck by the idea that he was part of a family, and in that way not only joined us in understanding our temptations and trials, but also understanding our family interactions and challenges. As I ponder this idea I begin to wonder, if Jesus lived the perfect life in terms of his family relationships and interactions, why aren't we given those stories in the Bible so that we can understand what it means for brothers and sisters to love each other and for children to obey their parents in the day-to-day things of life? However, the more I think about it the more I realize that it just isn't necessary.
God has already given us clear instructions and godly examples regarding family relationships in the Bible. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (Eph. 6:1). "Honor your father and mother" (Exodus 20:12). "Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity" (Ps. 133:1). "You shall not hate your brother in your heart" (Lev. 19:17).
More than that, we know how we are to treat our family because it has been written on our hearts, "They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them" (Rom. 2:15). And when we are in such a state of mind and heart as to ignore those basic morals, I highly doubt we would change our tune just because we read a story of Jesus sharing his toys (though I would be interested in seeing just how that scene played out). The majority of references to "brother" in the Bible have more to do with a common ancestry or common heart than with common parents. Among the Israelites all other Israelites (and Edomites, as they come from Esau, Israel's brother) were considered brothers. Jesus said, "whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother" (Matt. 12:50). The deeper I go, the more I am convinced that how siblings are to treat each other is a given, because that is the example used for how we are to treat everyone else. "Treat younger men like brothers...younger women like sisters, in all purity" (1 Tim. 5:1,2).
Jesus does have a few things to say about brothers. Though he is likely referring to the brotherhood of spirit rather than that of blood.

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, "You fool!" will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matt. 5:22-24)

Jesus also says that we are not only to reconcile ourselves to our brothers for our own actions, but also to forgive the actions of our brothers not just a few times, but always (Matt. 18:21-22). Brothers are to hold each other accountable for their actions, not out of judgment (for we each have a plank in our own eye, Matt. 7:1-5), but out of a desire to restore the brother back into right relationship with God and others (Matt. 18:15-17).
Are there a lot of negative examples of sibling interaction in the Bible? Wow, Bessie, are there ever. The first kid ever born kills his brother. Jacob steals Esau's birthright and blessing. Jacob's sons sell Joseph into slavery (in lieu of killing him). King David's kids are messed up! Jesus' own brothers try to draw Jesus out to where the authorities can take him down. But these are just sinful flesh and blood human beings like any one of us. It isn't that they didn't know how they aught to treat each other. They did it because they desired something else; something selfish. "Each one is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire" (James 1:14).
It strikes me that Jesus did not come to live out every possible example of showing love toward others. Jesus was never married (on earth). He never had kids. We don't get to see how Jesus interacted with his employer. Instead of demonstrating every possible action and reaction of love he demonstrated the direction of love and the extent to which love will go. His example makes love more applicable to every situation in life than it would have been if he had spent his time specifying how to respond in every situation. Love isn't about the specific response. Love is about the heart. Not what we feel like doing, but looking at people the way God looks at them and caring about their best interests. That is what Jesus demonstrated. That is how he lived. And I am sure that he lived the same way toward his family while he was growing up as he did toward his disciples and the crowds.

I Tip My Hat To You

Every once in a while I like to read a good children's book. Children's literature is important. Often times they are tremendously creative and full of valuable life lessons. I especially enjoy reading some of these stories to children of all ages (and I do mean all ages). Dr. Seuss has written some of my personal favorites when it comes to simple stories that convey great meaning; The Sneetches, Yertle the Turtle, What was I Scared of?, and many others. Seuss is widely known for his funny rhymes, odd characters, and strange new words, but one of my most cherished tales from the Dr. has none of these...well, maybe it has a few odd characters, but they are nothing so strange as the Whos or the Once-ler.
The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins is the story of a boy who finds himself in a dire predicament that is completely beyond his control. Or at least that is what one might conclude to be the purpose of the story. It is written in such a way that if one were not paying close attention he might pass it off as simply a clever story of an odd situation. When one delves deeper, however, he finds that there is really a very serious issue at stake, and what's more, the issue is never resolved--merely pacified.
One day young Bartholomew--a peasant between the ages of 9 and 14 I would guess--travels to the nearby town to sell some cranberries. Upon arriving in the town Bartholomew's entire day is disrupted when the king drives by in his carriage with his royal entourage. The king stops directly in front of the boy because Bartholomew--so it would seem--has not removed his hat out of respect for his majesty. Bartholomew does not understand the kings frustration for he has indeed removed his hat from his head and holds it in his hands. Unbeknownst to the boy, there is another hat--exactly like the first--upon his head. When the second hat is removed a third appears above the boy's brow. The king is infuriated and has Bartholomew hauled off to the palace to be dealt with.
It is a truly silly story told in the entertaining Dr. Seuss fashion as hat after hat after hat appears from under each previous hat. And of course the more hats that are removed the more frustrated the king becomes. He brings in the royal haberdasher, and the great wise men. He has the hats shot off with arrows and chanted away by magicians with black cats. The king even comes to a point where he decides the boy must be executed (a plan that could not be fully enacted because the executioner could not chop off any head that was covered by a hat).
So what is the real issue here? Many (including myself at one time) would think it is simply a clever story of a marvelous occurrence, and that the crux of the story is that Bartholomew could not take off his hat. None of that would have been a problem, however, if the king had not been--as many kings, noblemen, and people of high position often are--so proud. If only the king could have seen past his own ego to the fact that the boy did what he could to show his respect, it would have been a much shorter, and less interesting story. The king could not, however, see past the boy's hat.
I say that kings and others of high position have a tendency toward this kind of ego-centrism, but the fact of the matter is that I have a hard time seeing past the hats on the heads of other people. It doesn't take a kingdom to make a person proud. It doesn't take a position of authority to build an ego. All it takes is one thing, one little thing that I am good at. One little area in which I have shown aptitude and ability. One little thing that I have clear possession and control over. With that one little thing I can build in my mind an empire where in every other person ought to show their respect toward me.
Suddenly I begin to believe that for some reason I am actually something, and everyone else must recognize that something. If they do not recognize it, then they are fools--again setting myself higher and higher in my estimations of the world. Certainly, I might recognize greater authorities, but within my own fiefdom the peasants had better not get in my way or even look at me wrong, and they most definitely must remove their hats in my presence.
And so I must ask myself, what are the hats on other people's heads that I can't seem to look past? Who have I elevated myself above to the point of condemning the person? What little habit, or tick, or attitude, or idea, or belief, or image, or background of theirs seems to trigger the wrath (subtle though it may be) of my own ego? What makes me so much better than them?
And then I must consider, what hats do I wear that set a bur in the britches of others around me?
As I mentioned before, the real issue of the story is never resolved. Bartholomew only survives his encounter with the king because upon seeing the extravagance of the 500th and final hat the king is diverted from his intentions of defending his ego, but only so that he may build his ego further by acquiring this regal hat for himself. The king has learned nothing.
I do not want to be like king Derwin. I do not want my level of joy to be dictated by the little irritations of life. Paul says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself" (Phil. 2:3). This life is not about me. The more and more I try to promote myself, the more miserable I become. On the other hand, the more I tend to the needs and cares of others, the more joy I bring to those around me. What makes me so much better than them anyway? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.