Monday, March 22, 2010

The Sin of Silence

Okay, I have something to say.
I want to be a teacher. I mean, that is what I really want to do with my life.
I don't care about teaching music. I don't care about teaching math, or English, or...any of that stuff.
I want to teach people how to live. I really want to teach young people, but it wouldn't bother me if I was teaching your grandmother. I want to teach people how to live a full and blessed life. I don't care how young or old; I don't care how much time the person has left on this earth. I want to teach people the challenges and joys of living true life.
I don't want to be the next Joel Osteen. This isn't about telling people how to live a peachy-keen life. I want to teach people how to live well the life they have.
There's just one problem (I should say at least one)--I'm a coward.
Some times I have a hard time addressing an apparent issue with a friend. How am I supposed to live as an example to hundreds of acquaintances and thousands of strangers? I don't know how to start meaningful conversations with people who have the same core values as I do. How am I supposed to engage the interests of people with whom I can't relate?
Even when I know what I need to say, I hold back wondering, "is this the right time? How will they respond? Am I practicing what I'm about to preach?"
"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins" (James 4:17)
As if that weren't enough, God makes it clear what kind of work he does in contrast to the work of the flesh: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline" (2 Timothy 1:7). If I truly love the people I interact with--if God's loving spirit is at work in me--it would make sense for me to act boldly, not timidly. Jesus told his disciples that when they were going to be challenged for their faith they need not worry about what they would say in their defense. Instead they were to trust that the Holy Spirit would give them the words to speak when the time came (Matt. 10:19, Mark 13:11, Luke 12:11, 21:14). Granted, I'm not being persecuted and put on trial for my faith.
Fear is what holds me back; fear of not being accepted, fear of being mocked, fear of being challenged, fear of being WRONG.
But I want to be a teacher.
Trouble is, "not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly" (James 3:1).
It's too late for me. I cannot escape the fact that I WILL BE A TEACHER. I must; that is the passion that God put in me.
The question now is this:
Will I cower in fear of the potential ridicule and chiding of this world,
OR
Will I continue boldly, fearing only the certain judgment that awaits my cowardice?

4 comments:

Elaine Butler said...

People will let you say almost anything if you treat them with respect and humility. Listen. Engage. Love. It takes practice to do it smoothly, and you may get a lot of resistance at first. We do have an enemy, you know :o)

SamanthaMarie said...

People already learn much from you my friend, so I say go forth in the Holy Spirit and boldly teach. God gave you this passion for a reason and can use you, even in your very weakest moments. :)

Emily, a traveler said...

I know don't have to say I deeply appreciate this post... and am proud of you. Go. Speak. Teach. He is ready to use you powerfully.
And p.s. whenever you feel the needly to boldly correct/teach ME you'd sure better do it, without fear or awkardness. :)

Mama Bee said...

Michael, I understand all too well the call to teach - it's not so much a calling as it is a fact about us, as immutable as blood type. Whether I'm teaching piano lessons, teaching Sunday School, raising my children, or (just ask any of the students I play for) accompanying, I'm still teaching - can't escape it. Usually this is a good thing, but I understand the occasionally frightening flip side of its absolute inevitability when you're one of those born teachers.

I joke sometimes that God gave me my talents to honor Him, and then gave me stage fright to keep me humble. Since this applies to even my one-on-one conversations more than any of my students could possibly ever guess, I also understand the frustration of being a "coward with a calling", so to speak.

My best advice is to start teaching. Teach ANYTHING, just get started. Start with what you're trained to teach, and let yourself use the other teaching opportunities that will arise, even the ones that are only twelve seconds long and involve talking to strangers. Steering a car without momentum is impossible, and teaching is much the same. Just get rolling, and you'll get some practice at expressing your mind, which will stand you in good stead when it's time to express your heart.