...Hi......

Humor me for a minute.
Today's discussion: Outgoing and Shy people and the ability of people to have deep and personal/intimate discussion.
Most people would agree that there are two kinds of people in our society: Outgoing people and Shy people. Let me be clear--I am not talking about introverts and extroverts. There are plenty of introverts who are outgoing, social people. And there are shy, withdrawn extroverts. I am talking about people who are more or less comfortable holding up a conversation in a social setting, and those who are more or less comfortable being a non-contributing member of the conversation (or better yet, sitting just outside the conversation).
I submit that we are all the most shy people in the world. Each and every one of us has a social equivalency to the most painfully shy person of all time. I don't want to go so far as to say the most reclusive person. There would have to be a whole different line of reasoning to support that claim, and I'm not ready for that. The kind of person I am describing is still someone who is out-and-about, but resistant to social interaction. That's the kind of person that each of us is like on a certain level.
I also submit that many of us (and perhaps most) have learned or are naturally adept in the skill of surface talk. Surface talk includes all kinds of useful, fun, engaging, pointless, and some times necessary information. Let me be clear: surface talk is a natural and necessary part of social life, and is not inherently bad.
When those of us shy people (as I hope you remember we all are) who are equipped to do so employ the skill of surface talk, we generate what I would like to call an external shell. This shell is how we present ourselves to the world. Granted, it does include more than just our social conversation. One's shell is made up of everything he does in public settings: how he walks, talks, eats, dresses, carries himself, his facial expressions, how he treats people. The shell is the public image.
For the sake of this discussion I will focus on the element of the shell that pertains only to conversation: surface talk.
What is surface talk? My concept of surface talk is defined by what it is not. Surface talk is not deep. It is not personal. It does not connect with what is really going on in the person's emotional center. You can have all kinds of meaningful and life changing conversations that stem from the mental (both logical and creative) and spiritual centers of your self, but unless those topics connect to your emotional center it is all surface talk. The reason is that how we feel (our emotional response or connection) toward something is what gives us our perception of that thing's value. If it has no emotional value (positive or negative), then it is as deep and personal as talking about the weather.
I understand that emotions are dodgy things, and not to be entirely trusted, but they are the only reality we have experienced. (I would love to explain my thoughts on this topic, but I don't want to get too sidetracked.)

What do we have so far? We are all shy people. Some of us have created a social image, but underneath that image is still the shy person. If it is the surface talk that creates the shell, then what is it that the shy person inside is keeping to himself? It is the deep, emotionally connected things that we are shy about.
I would like to point out that shy people are not mute. Shy people talk. Shy people can interact, and converse, and develop relationship with other people. It just takes time and a willingness to take a chance.
The issue is not that we never share those things which have an emotional connection for us. In all reality we each operate at different levels of sharing those things with others. Some are more comfortable than others with sharing. Some just have more experience--they have taken the risk and met with a favorable outcome. Others have taken the same risk and found only pain.

What's my point? Simply put, we aren't so different, you and I. We may interact with people differently. We may have different values. We may look different, talk different, and even treat people differently. But underneath the shell--whether it's a big, outgoing, firecracker of a shell, or a meek, church-mouse, barely above the surface shell--we have things that mean something to us, and that we hold close. We have pain, wounds, scars, and infections. We have dreams, desires, and loves. We have emotions--hidden or not--like fear, anger, confusion, hurt, and joy, comfort, longing and love.
We aren't so different. At a certain level we are all shy people who want to be known and loved, but fear being known and hurt.