Telegram For Mr. Smith

Why am I here? What am I doing? What could I be doing? What should I be doing? Where am I going? How do I get there? Who is going with me? When are they leaving? Are they coming back? How do I feel? Do I feel? Why do I not feel? Why do I feel? Where will I succeed? Where will I fail? Why do I fail? Why do I succeed? How long will this take?

I've been home from school for just short of a week now. I had my finals. Finished up the term. I learned a lot these last few months. And yes, a good deal of that learning was academic. It wasn't all parties and games.
Anyway, in this last week I have read an entire book (granted it wasn't a terribly large book), attended the Oregon Symphony, spent some time with my friends, lit off some fireworks, played some video games, and achieved a lot of sleep.
I know I've already written about this here before, but I would like to restate the fact that it isn't easy moving back after getting used to the life I have at school. Granted, it is a lot cheaper for me to live here. But when you get used to a lifestyle, especially a lifestyle that you have a great deal of control over, it's hard to move back into a lifestyle that has to leave room for six other people. I'm not complaining. I'm not stupid enough to not appreciate all that my family does for me. It isn't exactly a wonderful thing for them to have me living right in the middle of everything they are used to. My parents don't have to let me come home for the holidays. I know that I am blessed to have parents who want me to come home.

I must sound like a broken record. It seems like the main thing I tend to address is change. At least since going to college change has been a reoccurring theme. It's not something that I'm afraid of like people in the movies usually are. I grew up hearing all that stuff about how change isn't always bad, and how we often need to accept change. I don't really have a problem with change. I'm not saying that change is easy. It takes work and time to adjust to change. Some change is very painful.
I think there are three kinds of people:
Those who won't accept change; who try to fight change until they are either victorious or until they break down in defeat and frustration.
Those who make change what they want it to be; who accept the change and begin to use it to their own advantage, and for their own purpose.
And finally those who simply accept the change for what it is; who adjust their life to an extent so as to continue living their life as they were with the exception of the change.
I suppose there is a fourth category. Those who let the change determine who they should be, and how they should live; who go beyond the change anticipating the next change and in so doing possibly becoming the next change.
I don't think I would say that any of these types are always wrong. I do think that fighting an imminent change will probably only lead to defeat and frustration. If it is a change that should not be or is against ones beliefs, then there is a time to fight it. But come a certain point the change becomes fixed and there is nothing that one can do about it. In such a case probably the only thing that can be done is to separate one's self from the group or system in which the change has occurred.
I know people who are the type to make of the change what they want it to be. Though this is to an extent also the action of the final two groups I mentioned, I am thinking more of those people who see a situation and search through it for how to make the situation work completely to their own advantage. Perhaps they begin to make changes of their own so as to optimise the change that has occurred. This can be a good tactic, or it can be a bad one. It all depends on who it is and what their motivation is. If it is someone trying to establish a fascist dictatorship, then I think I would have a big problem with it. But it could very well be someone just trying to make the best of a bad--or even of a very good situation.
I would probably fall more into the third group. I'm not aggressive enough to optimise the change for my benefit. So long as it is an acceptable change (not to be confused with a painless change) I will tend to simply adjust my life so as to live with the change. Of course if I'd rather not live with the change, I would probably adjust my life so as to avoid the change altogether. There are times, however, when action should be taken to challenge the change--as I mentioned with the first group.
As for the fourth group, they aren't always bad either. Some times we call them inventors, dreamers, revolutionaries and artist. However, sometimes we call them communist leaders, occult ritualists, murderers and lunatics.
There are two sides to every coin.