"Are You Sure?"

I learned something about myself today. I learned that I've been lying to myself.
Okay, so I've known that I can lie to myself. And I've known that I'm good at it. What can I say, I guess I'm gullible when it comes to stuff I tell myself.
I was in chaple today--the theme of chapel this term is based on the beatittudes in Matthew 5 and the whole concept of "blessed" or "fully satisfied." Today was what we call a "praise and worship chapel." Usually that means that there isn't a speaker and we sing songs most of the time and maybe the chapel team leader will say a few things. Some times they have PK come up and say a few words. Today the whole theme of the chapel was this concept of being fully satisfied, and they had PK come and say a few words.
When he did come up and start talking it didn't take me very long to start thinking about things. He really hadn't said much before I thought 'huh, yeah...interesting.'
What I realized while sitting there was this:
I know that some times I think about how it might be nice for certain things to be different. I know that some times my mood is a little bit mellowed by the thought of something I would like to have.
BUT when I really think about it, I realize that I am satisfied. The fact of the matter is that today I am good with what I have today, and tomorrow I will be good with what I have tomorrow. Sure there are things that would be nice, and maybe some day I'll have those things. But I'm satisfied with what I have.
Not that I have finally reached that point in my posessions that everyone strives for. "If only I had this..." That's not it. I live each day knowing that I have all of eternity to live for. I live each day knowing that there is a God, and that he knows me, and that he loves me, and that he is caring for me every moment of my life. I live every day knowing that one day I will leave this world, and go home.
But for so long I've been lying to myself. There is always that voice inside that says 'things aren't yet what they could be, but they will be eventually. Until then you have good reason to be a bit gloomy over it. It's okay, you'll be happy eventually.' And that voice will disguise itself with all kinds of good "christian" language and use whatever it can to convince me that I'm not quite satisfied, and that it's okay for me to feel unsatisfied because I will be satisfied some day.
A nasty little bugger, that voice. It has cost me a good deal of joy over the years. Sure things aren't always going to be easy, or fun, or pleasent, or "what they could be." But they are what they are, and what they are is enough. Usually it's more than enough. I can live like that.