"I'm Dis Many Yeaws Ow'd"

I'm not the person I once was. This is a fact of life that ought to be a no-brainer. There are so many little things about a person that change every day, even every minute.
But this is a profound truth for me right now:
I am not the person I once was.
This is an important fact for a few reasons. The main reason being that I have never had, for as long as I can remember, an image of myself that depicted me as I was at the time. For a great deal of the last 9 years I have seen myself as a nine-year-old. Only in the last couple years have I finally started to see myself a little older than that.
Just this evening I took a moment to think about how I see myself now. My personal assessment was that I see myself as a 16-17 year-old. Granted, this is a great improvement from nine. But it's still not who I am now.
There have been a few times this last year when I went to bed and just lay there wondering why I am here, why am I in college, living in this room. It just doesn't line up with my image of myself. I'm not old enough to be living on my own. I'm not old enough for all this responsibility. I'm not ready for this. I can't make this work. Not as I see me.
This is of course a grand testament to how much I underestimate myself. Because I am here. I am on my own...to a degree. I am making this work.
Realising this has caused me to think about how I see myself and question my assessments. I realize that I make a lot of judgements of myself based on my past, and that's okay. That's all I know of myself so far. I don't have anything else to work with. But at this point in my life I have acquired enough history that there are some aspects of me that have become out dated; things that were true of me at one time, but that no longer are.
Thus, I am not the same person I once was.
A lot has changed just in the last two years, not to mention the last five or ten years.
I literally
walk different,
talk different,
stand different,
act different,
look different,
laugh different,
think different,
sing different,
work different.
I am not the same person I once was.
There are some things that haven't changed. Some things will never change. Like where I find my salvation, security and purpose. Also the facts that I still live in a 2-D world, I am still left handed and I still enjoy making music.

This is it. I'm heading back to school in a couple days; Monday to be exact. Chances are I won't be posting tomorrow. So, I figure I'll get something in right now. This has been a good break. Lord knows I've been a lot more productive this winter break than I was last year. On the one hand I don't mentally feel bad for wasting so much time. On the other hand I don't feel physically like a lethargic sloth. Suffice it to say, I had a good winter break, and I'm ready to go on with life.

A Wise Guy

Solomon was always a confusing case in my mind.
I don't get it, here is a guy that has been given by God more wisdom than any one human would ever have in the existence of the world (with the exception of Jesus Christ), and yet he is foolish enough to go and marry hundreds of women and worship their gods. I mean, it doesn't take a genius to read the law and figure out that we really shouldn't be worshiping any god but the one true God. I'm pretty sure God meant it when He said "You shall have no other gods before me." Add that to the fact that God directly told Solomon "if you walk before me in integrity of heart and uprightness, as David your father did, and do all I command and observe my decrees and laws, I will establish your royal throne over Israel forever..." When you run the equation, it just doesn't make sense. Wisdom + Law + Promise = Woops!
So for a long time I've wondered just how wise can this guy really have been if he was that foolish?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to discredit the wisdom of Solomon. The Bible is quite clear that he was wiser than any one of us would ever be, and that is nothing to laugh at.
It's just always bugged me: if the great wisdom of Solomon was not enough to bring him to the conclusion of pure, unadulterated worship of God, then what was it that he was missing?
I know that none of us will ever get it completely right this side of heaven. But you would still think that all that wisdom would keep you pointed in the right direction. So perhaps it takes more than wisdom to live wisely.

I Meet the Jetsons

Who would have ever thought such a thing? True, there was always the potential and possibility. But when one is a small boy he never considers the future. Only what he wants and wants to be in the present. But he never sees it as something that is in the future. The language used is that of a future tense, but it is not thought of as such.
It is the 2,008th year of our Lord. Not twenty years ago could I have imagined such a thing. Sure, I considered old age and future existence. But in that I did not consider the titles of the years that this life would exist through. 2000 was an oddity. 2005 was an amazement. And now here we are in 2008, a nice round number on the far side of the decade. And to think, I'm still considered young. I could be on this earth through half of the 21st century. Of course I'll be allegedly close to "retirement" by that point, probably have grandchildren, I'll have experienced the losses of at least a few of those I have loved and many I have known, and I will likely have a good deal less hair. (Though according to my friend's theory you never "lose" hair. It just starts growing out other places.) This is all assuming that I do, in fact, live to the middle of the century. Many--if not all--of my friends (past, current, and future) will have been married. Some of them possibly even divorced. My own children will--Lord willing--be mature, intelligent, Christ following, adults with families of their own. Knowing me I'd probably still be in contact with at least a few friends I have right now (assuming they are still alive), and chances are we would get together from time to time--if not on a regular basis--to make music and reminisce about the days when we might have actually sounded good.
I could not even begin to speculate as to what I would be doing with my life at that time, or where I'd be living. I have no way of knowing just what all I would endure in that time, or what my health would be like. I don't even know that I will be living on this earth by that time.
It's an interesting thing to think about--what it will be like when I die. Will it be like falling asleep here and waking up in heaven? Or perhaps it won't be like falling asleep at all, but more like leaving my body and I will see everything around me from the spiritual realm.
I'm sure whatever I could come up with, it wouldn't be at all correct. Of course I could come up with all kinds of fanciful ideas and images about what it would look like and feel like when I die. But all of that would be some sort of culmination of experiences I have had in my life so far; images I have seen, things I have felt, ideas I've been given. And most likely none of that would be anything like the real experience. So I'm not about to spend my whole life trying to figure out what it will be like to die. I'll find out eventually. Nothing like first hand experience, eh?
Anyway, from what I know of past experiences, I would speculate that one thing I will probably think--should I live to see the half-way-point of the 21st century--will be 'wow, I never would have thunk it. I'm alive in 2050. And we still don't have hover cars!'

Expectations are interesting things. Stereotypes create a lot of expectations.
Christmas comes with a lot of stereotypes.
(Before I go on I would like to clear something up right away: This intro could very well be a start to a complaint on the Christmas season. I've heard such things many times. The good Lord knows I've pondered such things myself. But for this post I don't want to complain about Christmas. I only want to look at some ideas, concepts, thoughts; things that roll around in my head until they come out through my fingers. That being said...)
How in the world these stereotypes come to be, I'm not entirely sure. Granted, I'm sure the stereotypes are different for different people. We all live in different cultures (even if we live in the same neighborhood). I have never seen a particular movie that some people consider to be a staple in the Christmas experience--I think it's call "the Christmas story" or something like that. You probably know the one, "you'll shoot your eye out." And I'm sure many people have never seen the musical "Scrooge".
Anyway, all this to say that there obviously are differences in our individual perceptions of Christmas stereotypes. That being said, you'll have to forgive me for only using those stereotypes of which I am most familiar. I don't claim to have an exhaustive list.
How do these stereotypes effect Christmas?
I suppose it depends on what it is and how set the person is on the exact perception of how Christmas "should" be.
I know a lot of stereotypes are chalked up to "tradition". Why do we have a tree in our living room? Because we have had a tree in our living room around this time of year every year. It's tradition. Why was it that for many years we always watched a particular Christmas movie on Christmas day? It was tradition.
Nothing wrong with that.
Sometimes, I'm sure, there are things that occur every year so consistently that--though it may not be tradition--they become somehow ingrained in the memory as a natural part of Christmas. Sometimes these things are good, and sometimes not so much.
I've heard that there are many people who find this to be a most miserable time of year because of the loss of a loved one around this time some year previous.
For some Christmas is a joyous time spent with family and loved ones. For others it is a time when they are forced to be in a building with some of the people they hate most in the world. Many of us know the stereotypes of "in-laws", and family feuds.
Then there are the Christmas images:
A bright, glimmering tree wrapped in lights and covered with ornaments. Beneath the tree a neat stack of carefully wrapped presents stands, magnificent to behold, until the eagerly awaited Christmas morning. Outside the snow sits as a cotton blanket over everything in sight. Perhaps a snow man (or woman) sits patiently amid the white landscape. In the evening carolers walk the streets, stopping at each doorstep, and sharing their Christmas cheer with every passer by.
Christmas comes one day every three hundred sixty-five. And when someone has a specific mental image of what Christmas looks like, it can very easily become a great disappointment should that image not come to full fruition. A person could spend his entire life trying to create the perfect Christmas, and in the process ruin--for himself at least--every Christmas every year.
I think Paul might have been on to something when he wrote to the Church in Philippi about the secret of being content in all situations. Of course this ought not to be mentioned without also including the end of his statement: "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." This being the key to the secret Paul speaks of. But you can look more into that for yourself.
Christmas is a good time of year. Not perfect, and not always "the most wonderful time." But it is--or at least it can be a good time.
May you all have a most joyous Christmas season!

Telegram For Mr. Smith

Why am I here? What am I doing? What could I be doing? What should I be doing? Where am I going? How do I get there? Who is going with me? When are they leaving? Are they coming back? How do I feel? Do I feel? Why do I not feel? Why do I feel? Where will I succeed? Where will I fail? Why do I fail? Why do I succeed? How long will this take?

I've been home from school for just short of a week now. I had my finals. Finished up the term. I learned a lot these last few months. And yes, a good deal of that learning was academic. It wasn't all parties and games.
Anyway, in this last week I have read an entire book (granted it wasn't a terribly large book), attended the Oregon Symphony, spent some time with my friends, lit off some fireworks, played some video games, and achieved a lot of sleep.
I know I've already written about this here before, but I would like to restate the fact that it isn't easy moving back after getting used to the life I have at school. Granted, it is a lot cheaper for me to live here. But when you get used to a lifestyle, especially a lifestyle that you have a great deal of control over, it's hard to move back into a lifestyle that has to leave room for six other people. I'm not complaining. I'm not stupid enough to not appreciate all that my family does for me. It isn't exactly a wonderful thing for them to have me living right in the middle of everything they are used to. My parents don't have to let me come home for the holidays. I know that I am blessed to have parents who want me to come home.

I must sound like a broken record. It seems like the main thing I tend to address is change. At least since going to college change has been a reoccurring theme. It's not something that I'm afraid of like people in the movies usually are. I grew up hearing all that stuff about how change isn't always bad, and how we often need to accept change. I don't really have a problem with change. I'm not saying that change is easy. It takes work and time to adjust to change. Some change is very painful.
I think there are three kinds of people:
Those who won't accept change; who try to fight change until they are either victorious or until they break down in defeat and frustration.
Those who make change what they want it to be; who accept the change and begin to use it to their own advantage, and for their own purpose.
And finally those who simply accept the change for what it is; who adjust their life to an extent so as to continue living their life as they were with the exception of the change.
I suppose there is a fourth category. Those who let the change determine who they should be, and how they should live; who go beyond the change anticipating the next change and in so doing possibly becoming the next change.
I don't think I would say that any of these types are always wrong. I do think that fighting an imminent change will probably only lead to defeat and frustration. If it is a change that should not be or is against ones beliefs, then there is a time to fight it. But come a certain point the change becomes fixed and there is nothing that one can do about it. In such a case probably the only thing that can be done is to separate one's self from the group or system in which the change has occurred.
I know people who are the type to make of the change what they want it to be. Though this is to an extent also the action of the final two groups I mentioned, I am thinking more of those people who see a situation and search through it for how to make the situation work completely to their own advantage. Perhaps they begin to make changes of their own so as to optimise the change that has occurred. This can be a good tactic, or it can be a bad one. It all depends on who it is and what their motivation is. If it is someone trying to establish a fascist dictatorship, then I think I would have a big problem with it. But it could very well be someone just trying to make the best of a bad--or even of a very good situation.
I would probably fall more into the third group. I'm not aggressive enough to optimise the change for my benefit. So long as it is an acceptable change (not to be confused with a painless change) I will tend to simply adjust my life so as to live with the change. Of course if I'd rather not live with the change, I would probably adjust my life so as to avoid the change altogether. There are times, however, when action should be taken to challenge the change--as I mentioned with the first group.
As for the fourth group, they aren't always bad either. Some times we call them inventors, dreamers, revolutionaries and artist. However, sometimes we call them communist leaders, occult ritualists, murderers and lunatics.
There are two sides to every coin.

The Question of DOOM-b

It's that time of year again! Yes, that wonderful time of year where you hear the one question that only you would know the answer to, except that you don't...well, if you're like me, you don't.
That question being "What do you want for Christmas?"

Whenever the question comes up (for birthdays as well) I usually don't have any clue what I want. So, as I've done in the past, I am going to put a list right here on my blog to make things easier for everyone. Easier for me because I don't have to remember it all at once, and I can add things as I remember. And easier for other people, because they don't have to put up with my dear-in-the-headlights reaction to "the question."

Let's begin:

1) A CD containing a recording of Mozart's Symphony No. 1 in E-flat major (If the CD has more Mozart or other classics, that's even better.)
2) Computer speakers--it would be cool to have a three piece set with a sub woofer and two desk speakers, but just the two desk speakers would do.
3) A metronome--preferably one that fits in my instrument case.
4) A pair of knitting needles somewhere in the size range of 5-8 US (Not 5-8 mm)
5) Dress shirts or polos are cool--Size Large
6) Clothes in general are usually good gifts. (This includes ties)
7) There is always room for you to be original. Just cause I didn't list it does not mean I won't appreciate it.
Ask yourself, what do you think I need? Maybe go with that.
But let me clarify right now, because I know some of my friends would consider this to be one of my needs. Please, do not try to find me a girlfriend for Christmas.