Really Dumb Bird

The Meaning of it All

It's around this time of year that I tend to contemplate the concept of birthdays. What are they? Why do we celebrate them? Should they matter? Why should they matter? What should be different about them? What do we have right?

There have been some years when I've just given up on birthdays, and there have been years when I have worked hard at birthdays. Usually whatever I decide to do doesn't work. Some times I will decide to not care much about them, and I will become depressed because I can't help but care even though I don't allow myself to. Some times I work really hard at making big plans only to have them blow up in my face.

I can recall two purely good birthdays--one was mine, and one was a friend's. There have been others that ended well, but started really rough, and several that have crashed and burned.



So I've wondered, what's the point? Why do we do this?
For a long time I figured a birthday is a day when you take extra special notice of someone you care about, be it family, friend, or...family. That's why it never really made sense to me to go singing "Happy Birthday" to someone I didn't even know--though I most always went along with it for the sake of being polite. But I never cared for people who don't know me to start singing to me.

However, as I was considering this concept of birthdays this year I began to think about it a little bit differently. This is what I came up with:
Birthdays are times when we celebrate a life created by God, in the image of God, and (Lord willing) lived to the glory of God.
See when you look at it like that it's not just showing appreciation for those you care about--though that is definitely an important part of those birthdays. It is about worshiping God for the wonderful work He has done. Life itself is such an amazing thing. The fact that we were created in God's own image would be unbelievable if He didn't tell us that it was so. And the joy, peace and love that flows out of a life that is lived to the glory of God is so uplifting and encouraging. Praise the Lord that we sinful creatures may through His spirit live such lives. And Praise the Lord for those kind of people whom He has placed in our lives.
Birthdays have suddenly become much more exciting occasions.
Today is someone's birthday. Praise the Lord, and Happy Birthday!

"Let Me Get Back To You On That"

I'm back from music tour. We went over to Idaho, up into Washington, and swung back around through Portland. It was a lot of work, a lot of time, and a lot of fun.

Today I finished a group presentation that leaves me now very much less stressed. Ah, it feels good. I think the presentation went well. I kind of enjoyed my portion of it. Granted, I was really worried that I wouldn't say enough. I had a general idea of what I wanted to say. I even had a specific idea of what I wanted to say, but I didn't want to just stand there reading, so I pretty much took what I knew and what I wanted them to know and spoke as clearly and to the point as I could. There were some bumbles along the way, but all in all I think it went well. I even put some effort into keeping the attention of my audience. I noticed, while my team mates were giving their portions of the presentation, that we were losing the crowd. So for the sake of the team, and for the sake of the our gracious audience, I decided to just put myself out there and give them everything I had. Like I said, it was kind of fun. Terribly frightening though.

I have some choices ahead of me. That's life I guess. But I have some very new choices ahead of me. Example:
This summer I have been offered the opportunity to stick around campus and work part time for the A/V department. I would be provided housing at no cost, I would only need to take care of my own food and personal expenses. It could be a very interesting experience. Dare I say, it could even be kind of fun. Living on campus with a consistent amount of work every week. Not like during the school year when I have little work one week and long days and late nights the next three weeks. There are a lot of reasons that I want to take the opportunity. I already know that I really want to do this.
However, there is at least one--if not a few--reason(s) for why I would choose to go home for the summer. There are people back home. There are people there who I have had the privilege of getting to know. There are people at home that I would love to be there to help with the various trials, struggles, and joys of life. There are some who need a positive influence in their life--someone to show them the love that God has for them. There are some who simply need encouragement in their walk with God.
I'm not trying to say that I am the solution to all the problems in my home town. I wouldn't even say that I'm the solution to any of the problems. God is the only solution. He doesn't need me to be there for these people in order for good things to happen. God is capable of achieving his goals through so many ways.
But, should God desire to use me back home this summer, I want to be there. I want to be doing what He wants me to do. That is one opportunity that I don't want to miss, because even if I don't have any visible effect on anyone or anything there this summer, I know that if God has me there, then something will come of it eventually. It is a sick, dark town; especially for the youth who live there. I want to see God change that town tremendously. And if God would wish to use me in that change, I don't want to miss that.

So you see, I have decisions ahead of me. Please be praying that God will continue to guide me, and that I will be listening intently for His voice to guide me.

Leap Frog

So, I know I missed it--and that saddens me a little--but had I not missed it, this would have been the first possible post to ever occur on Feb 29th for this blog. The last Feb 29th was a little before this blog even existed. It's crazy, I know.

The next chance I get to post on Feb 29th will be a very different experience. I will be a very different person. Chances are--Lord willing--I will have completed my Bachelor's degree, and I might even be teaching music in some school next time I am able to post on Feb 29th.

I will probably have new friends. I could possibly have lost old ones.

A lot can happen in four years. I was reminded of this fact while reading a post written by a friend of mine. It's a good reminder that things change, and that things have changed.

In many ways it is very comforting to know that I am not the same person I was four years ago. I'm sure if I met that version of me I might think many things about him, some of those thoughts being:

My, he is energetic.
He is so shy.
He is so ignorant and foolish.
This boy is pretty silly.
He is kind of a short, scrawny kid.
He has some potential.

I think you get the idea. I am a different kind of monster than I was back then.
I wonder what kinds of things I would think about me now from me at the next February 29th.

I'm Actually Okay With This Right Now

Regret is a difficult thing to live with. I'm the kind of person who, after one short conversation or passing comment, is likely to return to that moment over and over for quite possibly the rest of his life either thinking about how he had said just the right thing, or (and most likely) thinking about the one thing he should have said instead. Even if it doesn't really make any difference what so ever what I say, I will return to that moment from time to time and continue thinking--and some times rehearsing--what I would rather have said, or done.
Thankfully there are some decisions that one never regrets making. I mean sure there are some things that are obviously good choices. Those are not of what I speak. I'm thinking more along the lines of things that one could do or not do and, again, it might not make any difference what so ever in the long run. But from my experience of continually revisiting my past and wishing I had done things a little bit different I'm slowly learning that there are some things that are better attempted and failed than left to be a regret in the back of the mind for the rest of life on this world.
Not everything is like this. There are many things one might bring himself to do thinking that if he doesn't he will regret it, when the truth is that he will only come to regret having done it. These kind of things are not the things of which I speak. I'm referring more to the kinds of things that are described in Philippians 4:8-9. Those are the kinds of things you never regret, not when all is said and done.

"Are You Sure?"

I learned something about myself today. I learned that I've been lying to myself.
Okay, so I've known that I can lie to myself. And I've known that I'm good at it. What can I say, I guess I'm gullible when it comes to stuff I tell myself.
I was in chaple today--the theme of chapel this term is based on the beatittudes in Matthew 5 and the whole concept of "blessed" or "fully satisfied." Today was what we call a "praise and worship chapel." Usually that means that there isn't a speaker and we sing songs most of the time and maybe the chapel team leader will say a few things. Some times they have PK come up and say a few words. Today the whole theme of the chapel was this concept of being fully satisfied, and they had PK come and say a few words.
When he did come up and start talking it didn't take me very long to start thinking about things. He really hadn't said much before I thought 'huh, yeah...interesting.'
What I realized while sitting there was this:
I know that some times I think about how it might be nice for certain things to be different. I know that some times my mood is a little bit mellowed by the thought of something I would like to have.
BUT when I really think about it, I realize that I am satisfied. The fact of the matter is that today I am good with what I have today, and tomorrow I will be good with what I have tomorrow. Sure there are things that would be nice, and maybe some day I'll have those things. But I'm satisfied with what I have.
Not that I have finally reached that point in my posessions that everyone strives for. "If only I had this..." That's not it. I live each day knowing that I have all of eternity to live for. I live each day knowing that there is a God, and that he knows me, and that he loves me, and that he is caring for me every moment of my life. I live every day knowing that one day I will leave this world, and go home.
But for so long I've been lying to myself. There is always that voice inside that says 'things aren't yet what they could be, but they will be eventually. Until then you have good reason to be a bit gloomy over it. It's okay, you'll be happy eventually.' And that voice will disguise itself with all kinds of good "christian" language and use whatever it can to convince me that I'm not quite satisfied, and that it's okay for me to feel unsatisfied because I will be satisfied some day.
A nasty little bugger, that voice. It has cost me a good deal of joy over the years. Sure things aren't always going to be easy, or fun, or pleasent, or "what they could be." But they are what they are, and what they are is enough. Usually it's more than enough. I can live like that.

Can You Believe It?!?

I find them hard to believe, some of the things that happen in this life. I hear tell of a situation with this person, I read news of a terrible death there, I ocasionally notice this or that.

Some of the things I find hard to believe are, at the least, unpleasent if not out-right bad. These people are having relationship problems, this person wonders what is the point of living, and over here are some cult members, drug abusers, murderers, or such. These are people you see every day. These are people who are dealing with some Stuff. In reality we all are on this side of the spectrum at some points in our lives. Not in the same ways as all of these, but we all deal with some Stuff in our lives. Every one of us runs into some terrible, nasty stuff; wheather it is Stuff we cause or Stuff that is thrown at us. We all need help in our lives. And some times it's hard to believe just how much Stuff is going around in this world.

Some times I find it hard to believe good things that happen, or at least things that appear to be good at the time. Some times we can be fooled into thinking things are good when they aren't. There are good things, however. There are amazing things, things that I would never expect, things that make me gape in awe at the wonder and creativity of God.

I find these things hard to believe for a while. They are absolutly astounding.

And that's all I have to say about that.