Monday, September 12, 2005

Bone-appetite

I would like to start off this post with this statement for anyone considering going into a ministerial position that involves preaching in front of any kind of masses.

If you are going to give a serious sermon, I would advise that you refrain from making any really comical comments in the middle of said sermon.

I say this because of a situation that occurred yesterday. I will not mention the parties in question. However, I do believe I can tell the story. (The names have been changed to protect the guilty. And I'll be really vague.)
So I was sitting in church yesterday with a few of my friends, and the sermon was on the valley of dry bones in Ezekiel. Somewhere near the middle of the sermon Pastor "Bill" made a comment about it not being a situation where "the foot bone is connected to the shin bone. The shin bone is connected to the thy bone." Rather it was more like "Here a bone. There a bone. Everywhere a bone." I found this to be quite amusing and permitted myself a short laugh and a few snickers after the fact. The real trouble, however, was what happened to the two friends on my right. They couldn't stop laughing. And to make it worse, whenever they had finally calmed down "Bill" would say the word "bone" again and they ruptured into another round of laughter.
Now, to be perfectly honest they weren't laughing that loud. I mean, it wasn't like "HAHAHAHA!!!" It was more like " phhhhhht!". They were trying really hard to hold it in. But then "bone" and . We found out later that "Bill" had noticed the situation and had tried really hard the entire sermon to not look over in our direction. It was a great sermon.
Anyway, later that day I was really hungry (this has absolutely nothing to do with the previous story) so I started looking around the house for some kind of food to eat. I found some bread and peanut butter. I thought to myself, "that sounds good, peanut butter bread." So I started to lather the peanut butter on the bread and thought "this needs something". Going to the cupboard I found some old marshmallows. They were a little hard and stale, but I figured I could melt them and then maybe pour it onto to peanut butter bread. I was going to just put the marshmallows in the microwave to melt them. However, on further consideration I decided to melt them the way I usually melt chocolate.
While I was melting these marshmallows I decided to peruse the rest of the kitchen to see if I could find anything else to add to the mixture. I found baking cocoa and powder sugar (two materials with which I have done may things in the past). This gave me an idea. I pulled out the milk and started to mix the cocoa and sugar. When the marshmallows had melted I through all of it in a pot and got it boiling. When I poured it out into a pan I quickly stuck it in the freezer for half an hour.
Upon extracting it from the freezer later I found that what I created was like nothing I'd ever seen before. Okay, maybe it looked exactly like chocolate pudding. But it tasted more like fudge. MMMmmmm, fuuuuuudge. I call it, "fudge pudding". Catchy title, eh? We'll just see how well it sells. I could make millions....or just really happy friends.
Hmm...what should I concoct next? "Wanted: Food taster. Willing to work for peanuts, and whatever else I happen to use in my mixtures."
Laters.

6 comments:

In the end said...

I can do that! Quick! choose me! Choose me!

Michael said...

Umm...sorry I'm looking for someone with a little more experiance.

Stephanie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Stephanie said...

Well the experienced *feigns humility* have certain stipulations. Things like bananas and mushrooms should never end up in anything you make ever. Well... accept banana bread... but still no mushrooms...
And for the record, he said, "We're talkin' no more ankle bone connected to the shin bone," et cetera...

Elaine Butler said...

But didn't the bones connect when they were "woke up'?

Michael said...

That's after the fact.